TL:DR - The game at lowpop commonly has issues with TOO MUCH confirmed non-antag players, and there are other major issues with heads. Example: 5:12 Antag Possble - Non Antag (Confirmed) Legitimately happened on miros today. all 7 heads + other confirmed non-antags at 17 players.
WALL OF TEXT INCOMING. PLEASE READ EITHER THE TL:DR ONLY OR PROBLEM, OR PROBLEM/SOLUTION SECTIONS IF YOU CANNOT READ A WALL TODAY!
Most people who play on 14 either play Delta-V or Lizard- which commonly get high populations, so most people never see a round without 7/7 Heads- And always 5/5 of the actually USEFUL heads (AKA: Not QM or RD- they basically don't need to exist within the current state of lizard. Delta-V has epi but it's basically reskinned science- and in general Nyano/Delta always had a non-standard layout of roles and deps compared to most of 13 and lizard.)
But we should probably talk about Low/Med pop servers. Miros/Sala/Park mattering on the time of the day range from Med to Dead. As I generally don't play Sala often and park very rarely for when It's at a sizable player count, I'll be referencing Lizard/Miros more.
Now let's get to the actual meat of the problem, shall we?
THE PROBLEM:
Too much confirmed non-antags to antag-possible players- especially head. at low pop ESPECIALLY, but also med pop. As an example listed in the TL:DR - 5:12 Antag Possible - Not Antag (Confirmed) is a very bad ratio, as anyone with a brain should be able to figure out. And this isn't even a rare occurence, this is very common that 40-70% of players are confirmed non antag. Even at like 10 players I've seen it happen. I'll show you a light example, since that's all I've got in my memory.
Light Example: (8 Players Roundstart) - Captain, Security Officer, Atmos are confirmed non-antag. 5 other roles.
This isn't a bad roundstart, actually. It's pretty balanced I could say even due to how the game rolls traitor. This setup would generally would setup 1 traitor. 5:3 is a high ratio, but it isn't a horrible ratio. Infact the game even feels quite nice at 8 players like this- it's almost like a small social deduction game. I wouldn't mind a server centered around this type of social deduction like feeling. It could definitely be better however. (Also, Pretty sure a meat anomaly absolutely killed this shift. They had to evac and lost like 4 out of 11 crew since 3 people joined in later on, along with all of medbay. (1 of them being the only traitor) funnily enough- only 1 of them was antag possible. 2/3 late joiners were either heads, learners or atmos/sec.)
What about a heavy example?
May I reference that "lovely" 5:12 ratio? It's not even that extreme, It's mainly due to the miros newbie population if anything. without that newbie count and lowering the heads a bit you still have 8:9 (remove 2 newbies and 1 head) and that's still really bad. Antag possible players should never dip below 60% of the players, let alone 70-75% most of the time for a healthy round. (Yes, people late join. The main problem is ROUNDSTART. Latejoiners past 5 minutes commonly don't get traitor as often as people who roundstart join or latejoin before traitor roll. (Even if you include the latejoiners before 5 minutes, this shift was still 6:13. YES, latejoiners did join later on. I don't factor the latejoiners in for a reason, due to the general nature of latejoins to be pretty random.)
SO, WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?
Well 3 things cause this problem- I'll make it quick: Biased Role Selection, Culture, Antag Possibility
Biased Role Selection
For those who don't know- Heads are prioritised in role selection, and are rolled first. Even if it's on low, if even ONE person has a head on priority, a head WILL be in the game. This is good for high pop- all heads are commonly needed! situations with no CMO/RD/QM did happen during the era of 65 max players on lizard! There is a reason it was made this way. But what happens when you have pop not at high pop levels? (<45 players is a good definition where high pop ceases in most cases.) At low pop, you commonly don't need all heads, usually just a small group (Example: One of HoP/Cap to lead and do emmployment, CE, Warden or HoS and maybe one other head for extra) but due to this bias towards heads rolling first- Unless no one has a head on priority, there will always be that head. It can commonly lead to all or most heads even below 20 players! (Which in 13, you saw maybe 2-3 heads, here? well usually 4-7 heads- a third to half of all players!) Medium pop- Most of the time most but not all heads are needed. You can skip maybe 2-3 heads and be totally fine. Usually HoP/QM/RD/CMO can be tossed into the garbage with no issue- but it's best to not have all of them gone. However, it is generally VERY common for the game to roll all heads except maybe 1 or 2 on rare occasions even at 25-35 players, the lower areas of medpop.
Culture
Culture on official servers also plays a major part! People commonly joke about lizard players being blind, Incompetent or shitters, but as a lizard player- it's pretty true that there is a major portion of lizard players who are this. (If you've ever seen the admins randomly place shit in the middle of common areas, and make hints to it and no one realize for 15 minutes- you'd know the blind part is pretty true!) Lizard also has a culture of liking playing head- it's real, don't deny it. Most players on lizard have many heads enabled, even if low. Factor this in with the above reason.
Oh yeah, miros the low-med pop server that isn't sala. As the joke goes, "miros" is a common reason for a bad shift. "35% The above average players from lizard taking a break from NRP-LRP shitter extreme and doing not much, 40% Shitters that make lizard players look like the paragon of intelligence, 20% Semi-Incompetent newbies, 5% actually GOOD players." The population of miros is full of newbies. What do newbies do as soon as they see they unlocked an "important" role and the game is gonna give it to them 90%? They get head when they shouldn't as they press that sweet sweet high priority. and then the rest of miros culture is 50% shitter, meta-y lizard 35% way better lizard 15% Actually fine, non No-RP LRP! Miros is good at times but anyone who plays and isn't apart of group A or group C from the quote above knows this shitty part of miros.
Salamander is actually the one that suffers the least due to culture issues with it's whitelist. It's got a better, more roleplaying culture as you'd expect- Which cares slightly less about heads. but it's a whitelist server, so prretttyyy obvious.
Antagonist Possibilities
Let's compare the average SS13 Server of LRP/MRP style's antag limits. We are not comparing the higher end of MRP, and not HRP. HRP commonly has different antags, heavy rules or is skyrat and should be purged due to their bad decision making and removal of antags. (Cough cough ERP too)
Captain: SS13: Historically yes! Generally only lings you see often now, and promoted heads. SS14: Never happening, EVER. Changeling at most.
HoS: SS13: Ling. SS14: No, and for good reason.
Sec: SS13: Ling. SS14: No shit. makes no sense without ling.
CE: SS13: Yes! SS14: Hell naw.
HoP: SS13: Yes! SS14: Hell naw.
RD: SS13: Yes! SS14: Historically.
CMO: SS13: Yes! SS14: Historically.
QM: SS13 Yes, EVEN TO REVS. SS14: Historically.
Atmos: SS13: All Antags. SS14: Historically.
(This is not including park's minors, and Initials.)
While I'm not gonna go into the debate of if atmos/head antags is good (Firmly yes, with balancing and logic is my opinion. Antag heads in 13 always had a lower chance and other antags like ling make sense as such.) you should probably see the difference here. Now add the fact 14 has learner roles YOU MUST take (Unlike the usually reskinned passengers) with this and you commonly can see a major set of people removed from being antag- Which mixed with the other things that cause the problem.
SO, SOLUTIONS?
I'll be listing 6 solutions for this issue from Minor to Major for the game. I'll also list why it WOULDN'T be a good thing and how controversial it is.
Minor
Make heads less enticing to play - Controversial, and plainly stupid. It would do it's job at lowering the people playing head, yes. But it doesn't fix the key problem- Fuck heads in 14 are plainly pretty shit with like 3 of them being totally fucking useless besides some menial tasks and representation. (RD - Put disks in server!!! Oh and command access ig HoP - Be a backup captain that sits and adds access to a card- a thing any head can do now. oh and also getting planned to be removed. QM - Not even a real head smh) Not even gonna talk about how the cap is just a walking nukie-syndie target that checks departments and makes a few final says.
Increase role timers - Not Controversial, but maybe not the best for the game. Again, doesn't fix the core problem and probably adds more, but it would slightly lower the head amount and make people more sane & competent before they get into the important roles.
Add head caps for different player counts - Probably never even been thought of by people. might cause small issues, but it lowers the amount of heads during low pop rounds that simply- don't need all of them. Bandaid solution, but one good fuckin bandaid.
Rework the priority on heads - Probably controversial. Reworking the priority to be less major, make it effective at only certain pop or just removing it are all different solutions that can be called the same thing. Problems range from nothing but the fix being minor, to some obvious problems (Like removing it making heads during high pop not be confirmed when they are generally needed)
Make heads have agendas (Non-Antagonistic/Minor Antag) - Pretty sure coding/'mins have thought of this already to make head play more interesting and engaging for all involved. Honestly it would be cool to have that for many roles, not just heads and have it coexist with antagonism. I really like this idea, and as the bold says it would generally be cool to see it be extended to non-heads or even antag-possible players. not much downsides, generally interesting and could generally make the "head" problem not really exist! fixes 2 problems at once and makes a good addition to the game aside from the problems.
Head Antags - Look at SS13, and copy over low chance head antags. Would completely remove the 100% Trustable paragon of safety from heads, make it slightly more interesting for both head players and non-heads. Of cause the problem of low trust among command IS POSSIBLE. But even without low chances as a player during low tier heads being antag possible I never found it an issue. Very Controversial with the 'mins and coders, but slightly less with the playerbase. Probably won't ever happen with the current direction 14 is going in within both "official" and non-official servers. but it would be a good thing with balancing. It works for 13, it's good and would be good to have. (By the way, even one coder and min tried to make head antags MORE likely to make playing head less shit! not a good idea, but you can see WHY.)
Major
So, Conclusion.
The conclusion is: This is a minor problem really no one cares about but me, but some of the solutions would be nice to see- and I did raise some other problems or by what you can see you could probably see a few things. That's it, small ass conclusion!!!

CONTEXT: So I was pregnant not knowing I was pregnant after taking 3 negative tests. Me and my ex were not on speaking terms since we were on and off through our entire relationship. One day i went to the bathroom and (I DONT KNOW HOW FAR ALONG I WAS AT THIS POINT I WAS TOLD BY A FRIEND THAT I NO LONGER TALK TO SAID IT WAS A 6 WEEK OLD BABY. I DIDNT RESEARCH ABOUT IT SO I DIDNT KNOW I WAS BEING LIED TO. IM SORRY FOR THE INCONVENICE) I had no idea what do to so i flushed it. I called my best friend crying my eyes out telling her about it she was comforting me about it (I love her). She told me to tell him because it was also his loss. So I texted his sister who was my "friend" at the time becasue I didnt have his number anymore. She said she would tell him. Days passed and nothing from her about what he said i finally texted her after waiting days and asked if she told him yet. She said she told him about what happened and he said he "didnt care" about it. I obviously believed it and I CRIED FOR DAYS AFTER IT. My bestfriend said "what if she didnt tell him. He doesnt seem like the type to say "I dont care" about his girlfriends miscarriage. So I finally called his sister while me and her were outside. I asked her to put him on the phone and she said he didnt want to talk to me my bestfriend said "Idc if he doesnt want to talk to her he he needs to talk to me asap" "ok here" she put him on the phone and she said "I need you to meet me outside asap its important" "Oh ok is everything ok ill be out there in a sec" she just told him to hurry and hung up. We saw him walking outside but we also saw HIS SISTER who on one asked her to come there. So she talked to me while my friend talked to him. She told him about the miscarriage and I saw him brake i saw his face drop and i saw the tears comeing out of his eyes. He said he had to go and walked back home crying. He found my number and kept texting me that he was so sorry and he wished he was there during the hard time for me. I told him countinously that it was ok because he didnt know about it like I believed he did. I ended up texting his sister that I nedded to meet her outside a couple of days later. I say her walking outside and I saw RED I WAS LIVID I STARTED CUSSING AND SAID "I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU DIDNT TELL **** ABOUT WHAT HAPPEND I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE THAT SELFISH". she was acting confused till her finally admitted to not telling him becasue it "didnt involve him" at that point i looked at her and said "NOT ONLY DID I LOSE A CHOLD YOUR BROTHER DID TO. HE HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW BECAUSE HE WAS THE FATHER OF THE BABY I LOST YOU B****". I walked away, blocked her a never said a word to her again.
​
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YALL DO NOT KNOW MY LIFE SO DONT COME AT ME I DID NO RESEARCH ABOUT PRENANCY BECASUE I DIDNT KNOW I WAS SO STOP COMING AFTER ME FOR NOT KNOWING SOME SHIT OK. YALL WANNA TALK THATS FINE BUT DONT TELL ME WHAT I WENT THROUGH WAS FAKE.

Hi everyone. I'm currently thinking about getting a tongue piercing. I have a few facial piercings but I've never gotten an oral piercing and I don't know anyone (well) with one, so I'm looking for some advice/personal experience from people here.
I love how tongue piercings look and it was one of the first piercings I decided I wanted, even before deciding I want some of the ones I already have. I also really like a lot of the jewelry made for them. So I really want one in theory. But... I have concerns.

1. The healing process seems terrible. Your tongue is swollen, you can't eat solid food for days. It's hard to talk. I work in customer service, how would I interact with people? How long would this healing process take to finally be over?
   
2. I'm worried I'll find it "gross." I get grossed out by oral stuff pretty easy. Idk how I'd deal with puss coming out of my tongue, or if it got infected. Or even if food got in the hole or something. It seems so disgusting to me and idk if I ever want to risk it happening.
   

So, anyone who has a tongue ring, what was your experience like? Did anyone have similar concerns to me and how did it work out? Should I get one?
Does anyone have answers to my questions or concerns?
Just looking for advice/thoughts. I love how they look and want one so bad, but I don't know if it's worth actually going through everything that comes with keeping up a tongue piercing.

Ok, I know it's been asked before, but I need to personalize the question with some of my likes and dislikes.
I'm in the mood for an epic fantasy series that i can dig my teeth into for a minute, so at least a trilogy.
It can have sci-fi elements, but I just finished Banks' Culture series, so nothing too hardcore
My stepfather raved to me about Michael J. Sullivan's "Riyria Revelations" trilogy, but I'm stuck hard 200pgs into "Theft of Swords". I saw it was published by Orbit and got excited, but it sucks so far. It just sucks. I feel like I'm reading a self published, unedited, book by a middle school kid.
So I need some mature fantasy literature to replace it with.
I didn't care much for Rothfuss' Name of the Wind, so I'm not going further there.
I never cared much for Harry Potter or Hunger Games.
I love GOT and LOTR. I've really only scratched the surface of fantasy reading so I'm sure there's tons I'm missing.
I dig dark humor. I like edgy. I like politics. I like eroticism. I like fleshed out characters. I like well developed lore.
Recommend me a series! Thx and much love!
P.S. my stepfather keeps asking me if I'm on the second novel in the Riyria series. He's excited to talk about the books with me. Should I persist?

Oh the Bible...how convenient it is! How inconvenient!!
It really is a paradox. So much righteous indignation when it affirms...so much humbling comeuppance when it contradicts.
If it would only just conform to our will...our personal belief system...it would be so much easier wouldn't it?
Yes, indeed. Sometimes it is so easy to write these posts. Sometimes it is so hard.
Yet, if the Bible is what it says it is (that it's the Word of God) then my opinions on the various topics it covers don't really matter one iota, as it were. If I believe it is anything less, I would never have a question about it because I am the editor in chief. And if there is one thing that I am sure of it's my own words...for the most part.
For believers in Jesus Christ, I'll go so far to say that these words are extremely beautiful ..."God loved the world. He loved it so much that He gave his only Son as a sacrifice, so that anyone who believes in Him will not perish. They will have eternal life." John 3:16
And these words are lovely and uplifting too...now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” Luke 2:8-14
We can't get enough of them! They are extremely palatable.
Now, on the other hand, these words from the second chapter of James, verses 14 thru 17...what good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead*...some Christians aren't as fond of them.
And these words from Romans chapter 2...that is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved*...some Christians really hate them.
Some do, others don't. In fact, for some Christians it seems like they are their favorite words in the whole Bible. It's all they talk about. And why not? If all verses are equally important, aren't those as good as any others?
Well, some Christians will tell you that...but what did Jesus say about it?
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint, dill, and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. It is these you ought to have practiced without neglecting the others. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel!" Matthew 23:23
Jesus clearly says that the deeply spiritual concepts of justice, mercy and faith are more important than some rituals involving tithing. It is important to note that He points out that the rituals are not unimportant, they are just less important than these weightier issues of the law.
(By the way, if you are quick to point out that Jesus was talking about the Old Testament law and that we, as Christians, live under the New Testament...you aren't just missing the point--you are the point.)
The Bible is full of both complex mysteries and simple truths. It is beautiful. It is hard. It is exacting. It is kind. It is love. It is just. And it is truth.
The Bible is the law for those of us who choose to obey it. It is the same for those who reject it. We are fully accountable to God because of it whether we believe some, none or all of it. It does not belong to us so much as we belong to it.

I dont care about the consequences because there's nothing that hasn't been done to you that you couldn't find a silver lining of.
I dont care about the consequences because there's nothing that can be done to me that can be worae than what I've done to myself.
We aren't the same but fuck I desire you so carnally in the most vicious and nasty ways possible.
"these things eat at your bones and drive your young mind crazy"
Pls listen to the song in my bio when you have a chance. Not EL bio, not ROS bio. Im making you work for this and she doesn't care about what i do on her account.
This song came on while writing this post, and it fits the vibe i felt.
I dont want to lose you, even temporarily
I wish i could bring you here. Even in the state this house is in. Would you help me fix it up? Would you be willing to commit to just being my second set of eyes? Do you trust me?
I wish we could hop homes once a month.
Cause gonna be honest,
With every ounce of hate, love, lust, etc i have inside me;
I want both.
I want to live your way You want to live mine
If i can figure out... different work...would you be open to that?
I upgraded my internet, and i intend to upgrade again when im stable enough.
I could setup a dedicated vpn that we could use in either home, too, for added stability.
If i work my butt off, we could start talking about actually committing to one location or the other in three years.
Why years. Why do we draw this out. I know.
Becuase the side work i am undertaking, as promised, will still proceed at a year by year pace, unfortunately.
However, i want you to feel what it feels like to have a fulfilling relationship.
I am perfectly fine with going 100% at all fucking times with you.
But i want you to know what it feels like to take the time for each step.
We've committed to something neither of was quite understood what we were commiting ourselves too-
But we both know for some gods awful reason, we're the only one the other is willing to make this commitment to. After all... you're the only person that promised the one thing no one else would be willing to promise me.
Their entire self in exchange for my entire self.
"I dont think you trust in my self righteous suicide; i cry when angels deserve to die in my self righteous suicide. I cry when angels deserve to die"
You know i very well can get along with everyone. Thats what scares you. That this is a legitimate possibility, and as always you're scared that this is a false positive. Because in your experience, this should be an impossibility.
"We all die at the end of the road; aint nothin round here you can hold; guess- i guess nobody knows- that when i die i go back home"
I've no criticisms here. However, im acutely tuned to the impossible- haven't you noticed - Succubus?
It's strange I've not been able to capitalize on this- perhaps because it's had a shit ton of false positives.
That doesn't mean I'll stop believing it might be possible until proven otherwise. A little bit will always hold on, for the simple hope of it.
Have you noticed what I do, when i adopt hope, for anything? If there's anything i can do to see it through, i will do it.
Trying to ensure hope isn't lost is of the utmost importance, becuase i hate giving up on it once i have it.
And thats the curious bit. You've seen how personally i take the loss of a shared hope.
You made such a fantastic threat the other day;
"I will flay your mind."
You've already done that, and it was such an incredible experience - maybe it was a guided effort on your part, and maybe i did ask a couple times, but that was the exciting part-
You were suggesting you'd personally do it. You're the only person I'd want touching my psyche that way, darling.
You got on hands training on it from yours truly; not something anyone's ever taken.
Purely because, what, you were bored? Me too babe.
Btw, best binch says you're toxic as fuck.. Ya know why i love her and why he's best friend? Aside from the fact they and i have "sipping hard alcohols and cocktails at the family reunion" vibes- you'll understand one day -
They recognize that im doing this to myself and it's not their problem.
They know that I'll simmer down, or make sure i dont exceed my limits.
the best friend i lost recently, he never was comfortable with me finding my limits.
That was really bad for me. As someone that exists, for the most part, on one end or the other of a spectrum constantly, i needed to know how far i can go for the sake of not overdoing it.
I enjoy being around people that like pushing the limits. You do that too. Why do you let them restrain you? They literally said it was their job to protect you.
Lol, what? You've proven extremely capable of protecting yourself. You can protect against me, your safety mechanism.
You know that if you'd asked, I'd tear anyone apart. You also kinda hate i wont do it to protect your insecurities, however you provide feedback on my weaknesses, and i prevent you from reinforcing yours.
Im your passive defense. The one that activates when enemies are too close for comfort. We're always wading through enemy territory; Make no mistake- im not your sidekick.
I am the one that has volunteered her life to protect yours as far as she seeks to protect her own.
I would sooner see you see our dream without me than not at all, so long as that without me is because i... couldn't make it happen for myself, for whatever reason.
This reminds me. You gave me something a long time ago.
I should reciprocate. Im going to, I'll send smthn soon.
I dont remember it anymore, but i hope one day to be able to be entrusted again when im in a position to not be restricted as i am now.
Why cant we figure this out. You know damn well that i think enough for the two of us. I want your feedback. I want your status. I want your ideas. I want you.
Your (possibly not ? Im still going to see a professional on this, because i dont want to claim anything, however i would like to talk to you because its got me spooked) Schizophrenic Siren Wife.
~Just because we've made the commitment doesn't mean we need to take everything full on; we dont have to let our upbringing define how we handle everything, thats sorta why im here, isnt it, Succubus, Daughter of Lilith? Must I even mention your Father's name?
Can Hell's best demon break everything she was trained to be?
What was your Father lord of again? What is my Lady's domain? Why are we tied together? You made a claim on that one recently but we both know that bullshit. This wasn't by choice.
You know why though, you know lying to me is impossible - if i want the truth i have to think on it. Your lying technique is fantastic- as good as my own. You know im expert, so why'd you have to test me?
The test should've been the fact that i always confront you on your lies when i get bored to make you panic.
My Lady is providing a lot of desire to be honest right now. Overall.
You know i did what i did willingly, you know everything that happened, happened because i wanted it too.
There's no one to blame. We do the blame because others need someone to be held accountable. We're eachothers scapegoat. We don't need a scapegoat between eachother.
We dont need to hold eachother accountable for anything beyond our own health and safety- as partners should.
You signed up for an infinity with someone hallmarked by change. I promise i can control the rate of change to a degree, but right now is a wave and im riding it.
Please join me, i know you hate the water.
You know we have to do things "in spite of" when its necessary.

Hello welcome to weirdest shop What ya want (LIKES=COINS)
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Song lyrics:
oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh ohOh oh oh oh oh-30 coin
My day will come, I gave too much I sold my soul, I'm waiting for my pay in full I only want your dying love, I've seen enough I tried, but I don't think so Maybe it was me who was (F word) up I gave all I could give, but It seems like it never really was enough I feel left out, I don't see how My whole life can change in one week I don't mind my own reflection I don't see how you've been let down Don't speak unless you have to Why you always seem in a bad mood? Your whole life you had an attitude One day, is that so bad for you? I'm sorry if I hurt you I'm sorry if it got that bad I'm sorry I can't help you Somebody should've had your back I tried, but I don't think so Maybe it was me who was fucking up I gave all I could give, but It seems like it never really was enough-40 like
Paranoia is in bloom The PR transmissions will resume They'll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down And hope that we will never see the truth around (So come on) Another promise, another scene Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed And all the green belts wrapped around our minds And endless red tape to keep the truth confined (So come on) They will not force us They will stop degrading us They will not control us We will be victorious (So come on) Interchanging mind control Come, let the revolution take its toll If you could flick the switch and open your third eye You'd see that we should never be afraid to die (So come on) Rise up and take the power back It's time the fat cats had a heart attack You know that their time's coming to an end We have to unify and watch our flag ascend (So come on) They will not force us They will stop degrading us They will not control us We will be victorious (So come on) They will not force us They will stop degrading us They will not control us We will be victorious (So come on)-50 coin
How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Well there's a principle of nature (Principle of nature) That almost every creature knows Called survival of the fittest (Survival of the fittest) And check it this is how it goes The animal that eats gotta scratch And fight and claw and bite and punch And the animal that doesn't Well the animal that doesn't Winds up someone else's lu-lu-lu-lu-lunch (Munch, munch, munch, munch, munch) I'm just sayin' How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just doing what comes naturally How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? There's a principle in business (Principle in business) That everybody knows is sound It says the people with the money (People with the money) Make this ever-loving world go 'round So I'm biggering my company I'm biggering my factory I'm biggering my corporate sign Everybody out there, take care of yours And me? I'll take care of Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine (Shake that bottom line) Let me hear you say Smogulous smoke (Smogulous smoke) Schloppity schlop (Schloppity schlop) Complain all you want, it's never ever, ever, ever gonna stop Come on how bad can I possibly be? How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just building an economy How ba-a-a-ad can I be? Just look at me pettin' this puppy How ba-a-a-ad can I be? A portion of proceeds goes to charity How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Let's see (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) All the customers are buying (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the money's multiplying (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the PR people are lying (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the lawyers are denying (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) Who cares if a few trees are dying? (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) This is all so gratifying How bad... How bad can this possibly be?-50 coin
Weapon:
Bazangka-30 coin
Funny gun-59 coin
Bozo-10 coin
Roasted gun-40 coin
Chicken Mcnuggets-Chicken nugget coin
(MORE TOO COMING)

I've new here, and before today, I never put my thoughts / opinions on where I stand in writing, but here we go....
I'm formerly Christian, now agnostic. In hindsight, I sought refuge in God because I believed my relationship with him would lead to a fruitful relationship with my mother, since she was a believer. However, I realized in time that I did not need to rely on a relationship with God in order to be on good terms with my mom. Just being by her side, among other things, was enough.
That said, I was always fearful of the idea of hell as a child, like many. I assumed God was enacting tough love, but now, I equate it as emotional abuse. People can claim that I wish for God to act based around my feelings, like a spoiled child, but this is not the case. I strongly believe that no one being should have ultimate authority over life, regardless of whether they created life. If I became aware of a being like this, I would attempt to bring them to justice, even under threat of death. I'd probably be wasting my time, but it sure would feel good to try, in spite of the futility.
The nature of God's existence and evidence supporting it are topics that don't mean much to me; I care about how all of it affects the people, specifically the origin and intricacies of religion, as well as its porporters.
Sin as a concept is utterly ludicrous. God's plan relies on the existence of sin in order for anything post-Eden to work properly (lest everyone is buried among mountains of insects reaching into the stratosphere), so it's genuinely concerning as to why God would persecute those who've engaged with the design, especially those with no knowledge of his intended graces or his plan. I imagine many people have already mentioned this, and that many have counter-arguments, just wanted to throw my hat in the ring as well. I'm open for further conversation on this bullet point.
Regardless, I take full responsibility for my actions. Blaming someone else, God or not, is beneath me at this point.
Unless it's the 0.1%, or the State.
I would argue that the observable problems in our society stem from our inability to come together in pursuit of a unified goal. The powerful elite have made it their mission to rob the commoners of their will and purpose, let alone their money. They've priced people out of their homes, and have torn apart the family dynamic that worked to nurture and prepare us for the struggles of life. Education, Healthcare costs, and poverty are skewed in undesirable directions as a result of corporate lobbying. Companies that create urgent job postings never fill these openings since an overworked skeleton crew looks better on a financial report.
It's just another step in their domain to take the world for themselves and keep us from fighting back. Even the very idea of God is used against us, tailored in a way so that we think, act, and believe according to their agenda, always changing, always re-interpreting scripture to convey an idea or argument that one would have to commit career suicide to argue against. Long-standing American values (not sure who here lives in the U.S., but I do) were established to protect against the possibility of men claiming to speak for God from directly influencing the people politically, like they do in the Middle East. No one who goes to Church every Sunday is inherently more American.
I have no qualms over whether God exists or not (as long as he's not a jerk). Personally, I hope he does, since I like the feeling of relying on somebody (again, as long as he's not an jerk). However, the idea that he expects us to worship him for eternity like how Kim Jong-Un expects North Koreans to worship him is laughable to me. Dictators are the loneliest souls to have ever existed on this planet, and a being who commands others through fear of destruction cannot possibly earn true love from those who claim to believe in him. An enlightened being would have more attachment to an agnostic who was steadfast in their principles and thought for themselves even after being cast aside and persecuted (like Jesus), rather than the believers who do not think for themselves and throw stones (like those whom persecuted Jesus).
Of course, I'm just demonstrating an example, and would never claim that anyone is throwing stones. In any case, most of our problems would be solved if housing, poverty, and the 1% elite were working at "acceptable" levels or better, in my opinion. Then everyone can come together in the unified goal of creating a better world, since everyone would know for a fact it would lead to a desirable outcome if they participated (most people are a product of environment and people around them, and desire for either good outcomes of those arrangements to continue into adulthood, or for bad outcomes to be rectified through their innate will and perseverance, ideally at least), rather than devolving into cynicism-inspired degeneracy cultivated by the downfall of housing & family dynamics. Which would in turn foster forward thinking culture, unlike what we have now (mostly). And the God that everyone worships (assuming they still do) would be one who pushes us to be better without disrespecting us (Everyone's idea of God is subjective, and is more or less an extension of their own ego). He does not have the right to ultimate power and authority over us just because he created us. It is the people's responsibility. We have judges and juries for a reason. They exist to establish objective morality without assistance from a higher being.
If 1,000 people on the jury are asked by the prosecution over whether they would be okay with their mothers being murdered if it meant that the murder would coincide with God's plan, and 999 people said that their mother being murdered in that context is inherently wrong, then it is established that God's plan would be absolutely and undeniably wrong in that situation. The people know how to decide what's right and wrong on their own, and no one man can claim they know best without input from others (that's how society functions even throughout all the craziness). Of course, this is harder if degeneracy is a factor, but not impossible (personally, I'd rather degenerates be left to figure things out on their own if that is how it must be, divine intervention will only stifle growth).
If God does exist, all he needs to do is attempt to guide us in the right direction without taking hold of the wheel, like someone with a map in the shotgun seat of a car, giving out directions while we're driving through Detroit. He must never stomp us with his feet and claim that the Devil did it. Only hypocrites use scapegoats.
However, since the 0.1% / State (and the churches they run) have no intention of altering their agenda to respect the people's will (especially since they cultivated degeneracy that no rational mind would agree warrants power), not to mention that no Church would ever alter biblical text to a degree that favors the people, it's more plausible to just accept the observable nature of reality, and communicate that which is observed to others, a.k.a. subjective morality. In any case, nothing will change until the people take back power from the elite.
If there is a God, he must be on the side of the people. Anything else is propaganda. I'll apologize or serve time in prison if I commit a crime, but no one is under any obligation to serve or burn for eternity by any means. Only dictators wish for such things, and their countries are paired with travel warnings in brochures for a reason.
An Enlightened Being would prioritize Reform over Punishment. Even in the Afterlife.

Hi Carats 💎
I always found it interesting and very helpful reading about other people’s experiences seeing SVT live. I was super lucky to get to see our boys in Tokyo / Japan for their LOVE Fan Meeting (May 27)! I am an international Carat, European to be precise - and as Hybe keeps ignoring our continent I had to go all in to see our boys (I was lucky to see them in Chicago for BeTS last year as well) 🥺 I’ll share my personal experiences and how I managed to get tickets to a Japanese show - upfront: it wasn’t easy and hella expensive!
The following text will be super detailed (and quite personal - as I texted this to my friends as well) so just jump to whatever section you find interesting 😊 disclaimer: this all is my personal subjective view, other people might have had other experiences.
Be aware there will be spoilers ahead (e.g. setlist, outfits, games) for the final LOVE show in Tokyo today!

Short summary

• Most memorable: Fallin Flower, Mingyus voice in FML, SoonHoon ship and insane organisation in Japan
• Favorite performance (forever and ever): a thousand times Fallin Flower
• Unexpectedly seen a lot: Handsome Wonwoo
• Unexpectedly energetic: Vernon being a hype ball
• Songs that hit different live: My My, FML and Campfire

Only regretful things (this is me whining for no reason): Coups being out sick (get well soon leader, we missed you - but the boys covered you well ♥️), no never-ending encore song, no Super performances (but little dance challenges) and although I had an amazing view of the full stage from the upper tiers the boys were still little and hard to distinguish. I once even mixed up Woozi and Mingyu - only Dino was easy spotable with his pink head 😂 and oh… I forgot that they would sing Japanese versions of their song!

Members

S.Coups: I missed him so much! And I didn’t understand a word but I think Jeonghan said something about filling up the empty spot - cause everyone started cheering 😂 At the games section every member had a pillar that they had to fill up with hearts by winning games and it was so cute seeing Coups had all hearts right away!
Jeonghan: his hair is so curly and he really is part of the iron deficiency line - he was teamed up with Vernon, and oh boy, this guy was on fire 😂 Jeonghan was his cute usual, I’m not sure if he gave Carats sweets again for the encore but I saw him carrying around a bag!
Joshua: he was the usual cheeky, gentle sexy!! Manifesting SeokSoon as one of the funniest pairs - they were paired up for the games and just showed again that they’re hilarious together! Shua was cheeky and cheating while playing games and charming while talking to the MC! I mentioned they collected hearts to win the games - and every time the MC counted the numner of hearts, Shua popped up in front of the MC forming a heart over his head to be counted as heart as well 😂
Jun: gosh - he’s so handsome I can’t take it! And just as I perceived him in Chicago, he proved again that he’s my concert bias wrecker. He loves fooling around with Carats. Always doing hearts, winking, waving to us! He also danced a bit of limbo cause one challenge was a limbo game! 🔥 He paired up with Mingyu for the games - my personal visual death! When he changed to his 2nd outfit (the low cut silky black shirt with black pants) I nearly fainted! And he did the Cat move that Jeonghan teached him 🐱 he truly is the cutest cat boyyyy
Hoshi: our tiger, our prince, our pure hypeness! Of course his introduction lasted 20 minutes again 🐯 loved his vocals in _World, Fighting was so fun and he truly is the biggest Woozidan! I’ll talk about the games section later but that was so much fun, the variety god really does Carats well 😂 besides: the way he looked into the crowed, soaking in the atmosphere and realizing that they made it into Tokyo Dome for a fanmeeting (!) - you can truly see the stars in his eyes!
Wonwoo: he is just so handsome! He was paired up with Boo for the games and they were so cute and fun together 🥹 he was in the spotlight a lot - I can’t even pinpoint a certain memory. It was just lovely seeing him!
Woozi: dudeee, he is so hot with that dark eye make up and the wet long hair! 🔥 he was paired up with Hoshi and he hated it hahahah I love how you can see, how much he loves and lives each of their songs. He sings every line with all his heart.
THE8: His hair looks great with the mullet and bright streaks in the front. He was paired up with Dino and in one game they pulled a dinosaur figure and he played around with the toy, making it sit on Dinos shoulder and biting him 🦕
Mingyu: he looked really young, the hair and face/make up make him look like his version of 2019? Boy is SO aware of the camera, it’s insane… every other minute he is looking into one camera, running towards another camera, sending kisses, winking… 😂 And of course the members teased him again and asked him to do the sexy version of that one challenge they’re all into right now! And his vocals in the beginning of FML - right after Coups intro? I got damn chills and teary eyes. He is one of the members, that I personally underestimated the most regarding vocals and rap but he is stunning live - he truly is not just a pretty face but the full package ♥️
DK: our sunshine! All of them did this challenge which sounds like a children’s song? - and DK did nothing special just his beautiful, gorgeous wide smile and wholesome eye smile and radiated pure happy sunshine and every Carat just melted - he always lighten up the place ☀️ his vocals in Campfire are insane, this boy is amazing - I can’t even put in words!
Seungkwan: uri lovely, handsome, beautiful, funny, witty, variety king BOO! He’s just so funny, he knows exactly what to do to make Carats laugh 😂 I love him so much and I hope then world treats him better and better every day.
Vernon: I’m not sure if I like the black short hair, but he looks amazing nonetheless. He was soooo hyped when playing games! Especially paired up with Jeonghan, his hyung had no chance. Vernon was always running towards the games on the extended stages, but had to wait for Jeonghan to play, but that boy walked sooo slowly hahaha Vernons raps and vocals are so raw - it’s incredible how real this boy is! 💯 and ofc seeing him rapping in Fighting - my life is complete!
Dino: our pink Maknae! The hair is so crispy - I’m wondering why it doesn’t break and falls off. And he turned into Usain Bolt at the end! ⚡️ when they said their goodbyes, some members just went back to the main stage, sitting down - others went to each extend stage and waved to us. But Dino took it to the next level and was just running from one side to the other endlessly.

Performances

It was truly a fan meeting with lesser performances and more focus on games and the members themselves!
No Super stage… but it didn’t fit the vibe anyway. This was all flower boys Seventeen 🌸
They had 3 outfit changes, started with blue/white jeans, switching over to hoooot all-black black satin/lace shirts and jackets UGH I barely survived. Juns and DKs shirt was sooo low cut and Boos inner shirt was lace 🔥 and then the merch clothes as encore outfit!
My My was soo lovely! The Caratbongs were synced and for Bout You it was a lovely ocean of rose quartz/pink/lavendel light.
FML made me tear up and then they sealed the deal with Fallin Flower right after!! Woah, absolutely stunning and gorgeous 🥹 I couldn’t even see the members clearly as they performed on the main stage (not the extended one) and wore the dark outfit, plus the stage lights were pointing towards the crowd... but nonetheless - I can now die in peace.
I really got teary eyes at that stage as it’s one of my absolute fav Kpop song and the most anticipated performance ever - and during the song I just continuously shaked my head in awe. I realized once again that (… Hoshis voice please hahaha) J and K Carats are soooo lucky to be able to experience this absolute master piece in real life. ♥️
All the other songs were just perfect choices of sweet SVT music (World, Oh My, All My Love and Campfire or a bit more energetic like Run To You and Fighting). Loved the setlist!

Games

I have to tell this part in all it’s lengthiness and amazingness!
So it started with solo games first. They had to answer questions with A or B and the other members could bet if they’ll be right or wrong. Every right answer gave them hearts. ♥️ the absolute highlight: the questions (mostly around GoSe) and member order is random, I believe, and Wonwoo happen to got asked what his famous word from the Insomnia GoSe was - and variety god must love us cause I freaking heard TASTY live 👅 I - and around 55k other Carats - are the luckiest people alive!!
The top 3 winner after these 12 questions got to chose the member they’ll pair up for the duo games first! For selecting there was a pot with random pickets of all members in it and Boo started and picked two out of fun, not looking at them, teasing Carats and members by playing around with his eyes closed which one he should take and blindly chose Wonwoo 😎
Then it was Juns turn and Mingyu was behind him acting all cute for the cameras while Jun draw the picket - and it happen to be Mingyu 🤞 destiny!
And then was Woozi and 55k Carats screamed “Hoshi Hoshi Hoshi” and I realized, holy shit, shipping is BIG in Japan. And then… omg… Woozi also pulled out two just for fun and he turned the faces towards the crowd and you wouldn’t believe it HE PULLED HOSHI AND HIMSELF?! like WHAT THE HELL. Whats the chance of this happening? Him picking two for fun, everyone screaming Hoshi and then he didn’t pull Hoshi next to another member but next to himself🤩 thanks to some brave carats, that filmed and uploaded it
Other pairings: Funniest duo - DK Shua Hype vs non hype - Vernon Jeonghan And Dino Minghao last, they called themselves “THE-D” (you know how the pronunciation sounds the same hahha) 😂
Trying to keep it short but there were 3 extended stages, each of them with a different game (they had to find hidden hearts - which were either hidden in balloons, wrapped gift boxes or locked cases. They had to break those cases/boxes open and find the hearts)
And it was always 3 teams against each other and DK/Shua chose first and ofc they made it fun, Shua (I think) covered DKs eye with his hand and pointed his finger in one direction (meaning to one of the extended stage with a certain game) and asked “this one?” until DK said yes.
And Hoshi Woozi were second and did the same and holy shit the crowd went feral when Hoshi covered Woozis eyes with his hand 😂 and then he pointed in one direction and as Woozi said yes the whole crowd collapsed. Cause Woozi accidentally chose the game where the members have to burst a balloon in between them 😂 he hated it so much!
Actually after the last round SoonHoon were on the last place, therefore they got an extra game and won the chance to steal points from other members. They ripped Shua apart and took all his points making them the overall winners. 😂 And they got crowned as LOVE KINGS - Hoshi living his dream! And after a lot of unwillingness Woozi completed Hoshis hand heart and the crowd went crazy again!!!
The games section was sooo fun and holy shit I didn’t know where to look, there was just SO MUCH GOING ON! I was so thankful the games were self explanatory and no language skills needed! 💯 The MC was lovely (I believe it’s the one accompanying them since their debut in Japan!) and soo humble. While they were playing games and seated on the extended stage he just sat on the floor instead of grabbing a chair. So cute 🤩

Ticketing

It’s probably well known that it’s nearly impossible for foreigners to get tickets to a Japanese concert, as it requires a Japanese address and phone number. So after checking some websites I decided to try out several proxies and only got a positive reply from this one: Tickets Galore. Filling up the form is the easy part and they replied to me within a day.
I started requesting ticket support right after LOVE was announced end of February and only got confirmation at midnight the day of the concert and got the physical ticket 2h before the show started. Midway through I already gave up several times😭
My proxy was not able to get tickets for the Lawson lottery (not a fanclub lottery but of the ticket provider which is open to public) and also not for general sales. 😭
At 8pm the day before the show they released seats with restricted view for general public but again she didn’t manage to get a ticket for me. In the end they texted me at midnight saying she found a reseller who would meet up before the concert and that’s how I got the ticket for a seat in the restricted view area.
Things to consider:

1. time zone differences and email communication only was tricky as sometimes I/her missed a mail or replied hours too late
   
2. resale fanclub tickets were available in a lot of cases but ID check is guaranteed so no chance of getting in
   
3. trusting in the reseller to be legit and hoping for no random ID check of general seats (organizer announced to check ALL fanclub seats and random general seats)
   
4. paying more and more fees for the additional effort the proxy put it 💸
   
5. uncertainty about the ticket handover (for me the reseller told the proxy where and when to meet and what they would be wearing, luckily I was wearing something bright yellow and the reseller recognized me)
   
6. lots of back and forth mails asking about updates, available tickets for higher prices, etc. - my inbox is full of her mails. ✉️
   
7. You can request a maximum budget or preferred seats with the proxy and they’ll let you know what the market offers
   

But personally all was more than worth it in the end!! Original price of the ticket was around 12.000¥ and I paid around 51.000¥ incl fees (I assume I end up at around 10.000¥ in fees for the proxy - as it was not super clear how much the ticket price was in the end).
Experience with Ticket Galore: very responsive, a bit intransparent about the actual fees and sometimes doesn’t reply to all the questions. But still highly recommendable!
——-
Thanks for reading ♥️ I'll probably come back later and add links if I come across videos or tweets. If you have any questions or just want to share your thoughts or own experience feel free to share. Horanghae!! 🐯

I posted this in a narcissistic parent group and someone tagged this group and honestly I just need to scream this whole issue somewhere bc I feel like I’m losing my mind
I (26f) went home to visit my parents this week to go wedding dress shopping. I was originally going to elope and turn the event into a wedding/honeymoon but my mom and my sister practically begged me to have a real wedding. Hey if the parents are paying for it I won’t say no. (And I would love to have my sister there) We found the perfect mother of the bride dress for my mom while we were shopping. I was really excited. Today (now yesterday) I found my dress. I was crying I was so happy!
Then while my dad was paying for the dress (they are fulfilling my grandma’s promise to buy my wedding dress since she passed of cancer and they got the inheritance) my mom was trying once again to convince me to have the wedding where they live. I’m across the country and am planning on having it near where I live. My mom is a pro at the guilt trip and mentioned if we do it where I live my grandparents and aunts and cousins (all her side since everyone on my dads side is dead now) won’t be able to come. Well after a week of this I basically told her (gently) that I really want my friends to be there, and for their safety I wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting my extended family in the first place. Especially my grandparents.
For context, my grandparents and mom are the textbook definition of Qanon trumpers. My grandma was talking all about how she supports book banning after one of my appointments and her and my mom are convinced the election was stolen. Now my friends are all very liberal people. Among the guests we have non-binary individuals, queer individuals, a drag Queen, and a polyamorous throuple. And I finally let my mom know this because it just came to the point where it couldn’t be avoided anymore. I wanted to make sure she knew to be polite around them. She looked like she would be sick. But the kicker came when I mentioned one of our guests is immunocompromised and we were going to ask people to be up to date on their shots.
Now this woman has gotten Covid and had to go to the emergency room. She had to have a respirator. She had long Covid afterwards and started losing her hair. She looked me in the eye and said “maybe I shouldn’t have gotten that dress then.”
She would rather not go to my wedding at all than get vaccinated to protect my friend from dying. She would rather not wear a mask than watch me walk down the aisle.
Luckily my dad is sane and vaccinated but he is so “don’t stir the pot” that I know he won’t do much. The whole thing killed the joy of finally finding my dress and I want to cry. My mom has disappointed me and crossed boundaries and just been a conspiracy theorist wack job my whole life but the little part of me that has been holding out hope and just wanting her mom is crushed. I wanted to cry.
This morning I told my dad that my partner and I would be willing to figure out some compromise with having her take Covid tests leading up to the wedding and he said he would bring it up, but with him and my sister being the only family basically coming that they would no longer pay for the wedding if my mom couldn’t come. Like I never said she couldn’t come I just wanted her to be aware and not potentially make my friends really sick. She’s the one choosing if she would come or not and putting it all on me. She keeps saying how much I’m upsetting her like it isn’t MY WEDDING that SHE is making all about HER! She’s the one who wants to die on this hill. She tried telling me not to invite my friends so she could go but I’m absolutely NOT going to do that bc they are close friends of ours and some are even responsible for my partner and I getting together in the first place. They are like family to us.
And my dad taking her side on the issue by basically threatening to stop funding it (the money would be up to him more than my mom so it’s really a him decision) is honestly the worst part. All these years I gave him more credit than he deserved. Up until now I always felt like he had my back when it came to my mom and that he was someone safe. I just can’t look at him the same after this.
She has begrudgingly agreed to the Covid tests (though she’s still upset bc somehow the government will track her through an at home test or some shit) and I’m guessing they are still funding the wedding now that we have come to that “compromise” but our relationship will never be the same after this. I’ve spent years trying to fix the relationship with my mom but she’s made it impossible. I honestly don’t want her to come anymore after cooling down, but I went through so much just to get a compromise out of her that I might as well just leave it so I can at least have a wedding before the relationship with my parents absolutely dissolves.
Fuck trump and fuck Qanon for making her so much worse than she was. I remember when she believed antivaxers were idiot hippies. At least that was one thing we could agree on. Now she tells me she “woke up” my friends and I are lucky our hearts haven’t exploded or some shit while my friend AND my fiancé have both lost people to Covid. And I know so much of it is fueled by extreme evangelical shit that she keeps spitting even now like there weren’t three raptures that were supposed to occur since I was in the third grade. Oddly enough I wish she was even a little like she was back when I was in the third grade. At least she wasn’t this bad.
What really sucks is IM the one who feels guilty. I feel like I did something wrong. I feel like I’m somehow the selfish one and a disappointment. I just want to go home to my fiancé and cry in bed. I feel like I mean so little to both of them right now. But like… it’s my wedding. Even if I am being selfish, isn’t it at least a little understandable? Am I somehow in the wrong here and just not seeing it?
And cutting them off completely would hurt my mental and physical health because due to a few mental illnesses I have trouble keeping a steady job and am therefor financially dependent on them, especially for things like dr and therapy appointments which I need to stay sane and get my medications.
Once I’m back with my fiancé I’m sure things will feel a little better but this pit in my stomach hurts. Sorry this turned into a big old trauma dump rant but this shit keeps weighing on me.
Sorry about format and all that shit. I’m on mobile.

Hi everyone, I'm going through what feels like a crisis of faith. I can't even believe I'm saying that, it's happened so gradually but now I can't call it anything else. Where before I was shocked at the even tiny hint of having doubts, now I am filled with them.
I was raised in a very Christian home and walked away from God in my teenage years, never stopped believing just stopped following Him. I came back to Him in my 20s and was filled with love for Him, He was my everything. It's been 5 years and I've spent time in the bible almost every single day. I know that nothing is more important than staying close to Him so I have made that my biggest goal.
But lately I've been struggling so much. I've gotten to the part where I realize that following Jesus is really really hard. It used to be a lot easier to deny myself and the sin I craved, but now it's way harder. I won't deny that sin has a big part in this... I let it in more than I should have. By letting it in I don't mean huge things I just mean indulging little longing thoughts. But my heart broke over this, I cried to the Lord again and again in sorrow over my sin and asking for His help. But those thoughts kept coming and I grew very weary. At times I caved in and outright rebelled but always repented. The issue is having crushes on other people, I'm married and my husband is an unbeliever and doesn't have a problem if I like other people, he thinks I'm being too hard on myself. Gradually that message has made me worn out, it seems I have to give up almost every show I love that makes me so happy because it's a temptation for me. I know that we have to give up things in our walk with God and I have done it for years, it's just gotten to be SO MUCH. And these are things that really bring me a lot of happiness.
So in addition to that - now I'm having doubts. It's like the onslaught against my faith is relentless. Where to even start? A lot of things in the bible that I just trusted commentaries on and accepted their logic seem harder to cope with now. David was a man after God's own heart but he had so many wives... Which God never rebuked him for... And yet now I have to stop myself from even the happy feeling I get from looking at an attractive person? God allowed polygamy back then even though it was a sin, but He never said anything to anyone about it? It just seems so much more plausible that these are modern ideas that people are coming up with their own explanations. If God considered it a sin, why didn't he at least give them some kind of indication that it was? God was tolerating sin?
I have had so many happy times with God where I was worshipping Him and I felt His presence... but if those emotions I felt were the holy spirit, what about people who have also thought they felt the same thing, but have different beliefs than me? My experience is the holy spirit but theirs is just empty emotions? But what if it actually feels the same? What about people who wrote beautiful worshipful songs are now leaving the faith? My faith tells me that if they leave the faith, it means they were never genuine in the first place. But what is the difference between their faith and mine? Am I really supposed to believe that someone who wrote such beautiful lyrics of worship to Jesus wasn't truly trusting in Him for salvation? But God says if we put our faith in Jesus we are saved and He will keep us from falling.
And now I've been thinking about hell. This is the biggest thing my husband brought up to me when I first came back to the Lord but in my excitement for Him I didn't think too deeply about it myself. It's like anything problematic, I just looked to see what other people said about it and accepted that. But now that I think deeper about it, it just seems SO UNJUST. I know that there are wicked wicked people in the world that deserve justice brought upon them. But the fact that billions upon billions, most of the people throughout the history of the world will end up in eternal torture because they weren't convinced, it seems so unfair. I know that our sense of justice is supposed to come from Him, so why does it seem unfair if our sense of justice comes from Him? I heard Tim Keller say that "God is more merciful than us." How can that be possible when we think about hell? He gave us our minds... Some people are more logical than others... Some people are more driven by emotion... Most people just believe what their parents and the culture around them teaches them... And God will send them to eternal torture because they were mistaken in their beliefs? Christians always say thosr people are rejecting God, but many people just don't see a reason to believe the Gospel is the truth of the world. And God gave them that mind. What about the native Americans, who lived here without the gospel, and then Europeans came with the gospel and treated them like trash?
It also just seems like Christianity doesn't work for most people. Most people are either way too legalistic and judgey, or struggling in sin all the time. Why aren't more of God's people displaying His glory and love if we are filled with the Holy Spirit and have Jesus living inside us?
It must sound like I'm convinced it's wrong, and that's not true at all. This is just me venting my fears. I'm still believing. I'm not giving up, but these are the thoughts constantly swirling in my mind, making it hard for me to enjoy my time with the Lord. How can I grow closer to Him when I'm filled with doubts? I can't give up my faith. That's a terrifying thought, because what if I was wrong? But my faith also has to be genuine so I have to get past these thoughts somehow.
I really don't want to make anyone else stumble, I hope this doesn't. 😔
Any prayers or thoughts about these points would be appreciated.

Starting in the middle of last semester I started experiencing mental health problems. I have ADHD, PTSD, Dysthymia, and probably symptoms of other disorders. I go to therapy and I've tried medications that haven't helped. I have a long back story but I'm not going to get into that, all I'll say is my sister died, my dad has stage 4 cancer, and I lost the only woman I ever truly loved. The aftermath of losing my sister and my ex have taken a toll.
Besides all that, I was coping really well and trying to heal with therapy and trying to find meds that might work with my doctor. I don't know what happened but starting a few months ago I started a downward spiral into what I can only describe as a mid-life crisis and a crisis of my spirit. I am lost. When I say lost, I mean it in it's truest definition. I'm lost mentally, spiritually, physically, and even kind of geographically (I really don't feel like I belong in the place where I live).
I feel like I've only ever made people's lives worse. I feel like my family members that love me only love me because they feel obligated to. I look at the people that used to be in my life and they are usually doing better than when I was a part of their life. Especially my ex. I've realized that I really don't like myself at all. In fact I hate me, I think I'm worthless and only make things harder or actively worse. I burden everyone I come in contact with even if they don't see it.
I'm so fucking tired of having to live through these thoughts and feelings everyday. Nothing seems to help and my everything in my life is suffering. I have genuinely tried to reach out for help and prioritize my mental health. I have tried to slowly make progress and expose myself to new situations. It helped for a bit but I've fallen back further than when I started. I don't recognize myself and I don't really know who I am anymore. I know it sounds selfish but I need someone to come help me because I am not capable of helping myself right now. It can't be any of my family because not only do they have their own lives, they're also part of my unresolved trauma. I'm scared, and alone, and I just want someone to give shit about me and have a solution. I don't know why I'm even posting this because it's never helped before (because it's just a screen to me), but I don't have any options.
I feel so disconnected from my heart and soul. The few people I used to go to for advice are gone. I don't want to exist like this anymore, I can't. It hurts too much and I feel like I can't access parts of my mind. I used to believe in things, the big one being love. Now I'm 29 and I feel like I'm unlovable. People say all the time that you have to work on yourself and learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. They say once you do that you'll naturally find someone to love. I tried every way I knew how to work on improving myself in the ways I could and accepting the things I couldn't change. I tried to love myself and yet here I am broken and alone. I know it sounds opposite from what most people think, but I just feel like it would be easier to learn how to love myself if I had someone that I could love. I loved my ex deeply, even if my love for myself wasn't there. It didn't end the way you probably think.
I don't know if this post will do help at all, and I'm pretty sure it won't do anything, but I like I said I'm out of options. I hate myself and all the morals and values I grew up with don't seem to exist in our society anymore. That or our society is ignoring them and letting them die. I don't know what's next but honestly it's getting dark. I feel like I'd be doing the world a favor by dying, and I wouldn't have to feel so much pain anymore. The people I think about when those thoughts pop into my head are starting to seem like a reason to do it instead of a reason not to. They're also don't have to cope with living with this pain. The biggest thing that holds me back from doing it is my doggo. He still needs me. I know I'm probably just seeing patterns where there are none, but it seems like everytime I run into something good, something happens to take it away.
Anyways, thanks if you made it this far. The song of hope may never stop, but at this point I can't hear it. That being said, I hope someday I can write something more uplifting on here if I'm still around.

I think peace by Taylor Swift(swiftie strikes again) because it's about her ex-boyfriend of 6 years, Joe Alwyn. These specific lyrics:
But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?
It reminds me of Nick to Charlie in Volume 4. Nick is trying to help Charlie, but he isn't.
ALSO OFF TOPIC BUT THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL

Always the answer is never. Never mind my dear. One more rung removed from the ladder. A remote controlling lunacy called love. Rag dog ear chewed worn shoes soup kitchen ill framed rape victim. I embrace them all. With large white teeth. Letters are written. As i listen to the sound of raindrops. Striking screaming daisies. While the posie police laugh. I try my best for adjudication. Only receiving humiliation. While humming birds lie. My eyes fill with tears. From a face facing such horrors. It is ripped away by its wearer's tired withered hands...

Hi all, looking for some advice!
My (22F) best friend (23F) is someone who I've known for 11 years, and we've been through thick and thin together. She has been really great and supportive to me over time as I struggled with mental illness during school. We used to have a lot of fun and laughs together and I will always appreciate the friendship.
In the last few years she entered into her first serious relationship (24M). I live in a city which had an extensive and strict covid lockdown, but we both remained working and kept in contact through the whole thing. I developed an ED during lockdowns, and for the first time ever, she got very dismissive over the mental illness I was going through (she gained a large amount of weight during lockdown). Although I never looked at her any differently due to her weight, it felt as though she was looking at me a different way. She refused to talk to me about it, which was unusual and something that never happened before. She also began talking and hanging out with me far less during this time. This was the first thing that tipped off some potential issues with our relationship.
I moved away to a different city for 6 months, and we kept in contact with weekly facetime calls, although over time they became shorter and we had less to talk about. When I moved home, I noticed she began avoiding having me be part of her life. She only wanted to spend time with her boyfriend and go to work. She had developed issues with going out socially, even to go for a walk around the walking track near her house. I would ask her most days (I walk my dog right by her house every day) if she was free to walk, and the answer wold be that she's too tired, busy or working.
I used to spend a lot of time with her family including her extended family, but now she goes with her boyfriend. When I see her family, they ask why I haven't been around (excited to see me) and I always tell them I didn't know family events etc were on. This shocks them a lot as I used to be invited to everything and spent most weekends with them (I don't have an extended family).
In the last few months, she has shown no interest in my life, anything I'm doing, relationships I've been in. She talks a lot about her work as it's the only thing she does (no social life) and will only ask about my work. I have a really busy social life as I'm a musician on the side, and I have lots of stories to tell her, but when I do she changes the subject and doesn't show any interest.
I feel really dismissed by her, and I miss when we could share everything that was going on in our lives. Part of me sees that shes struggling with some social anxiety, but if I bring it up to her she's not interested in talking about it. I show her a lot of love and interest but she doesn't reciprocate it. I know her priorities have probably changed as she's in a more serious relationship, but I would have thought the type of friendship we have would transcend that and we would still be able to share our lives with eachother. I have a really good friendship with her partner and he's a really great guy. It makes me so upset to see her spending the majority of her 20s at home, not having any friends etc etc. there is so much out there that she could be doing but she has no interest.
The last few times I have seen her I have come back feeling really awful because I can see our friendship fading away, but it doesn't seem like she even wants to work on it. I think she's just comfortable in her life, and doesn't want to hear about mine because it's so different from hers.
I don't want to upset her because I have so much love in my heart for her, but it feels as though what we had is slowly fading away as we go on different paths in life.
ANY ADVICE WELCOME

I've never cheered for a Boston team before (except the Red Sox in 2004) but as an old Mavs fan, I'll cheer for anyone playing the Heat! (As an OSU alum I also love Marcus Smart, despite all his flaws)
Stars and Cs were both down 0-3, both...wear green I guess? I don't know, but if y'all can do it, we can do it!

LET'S FUCKING GO

How It started
Alr so kinda a long story. I'm in high-school and we broke up 6 months ago. So basically one day, at a football game, I was with 2 buddies of mine and one of them said there was some chick who wanted to hook up. We'll call the friend who told me justin and the other one ryan. So we get up on the bleachers and justin says this girl wants to talk to me and i'm like screw that so I send ryan to go talk to her. Then a few minutes later she's calling me over to come stand with her. I was like mmkay and I was kind of ignoring her while ryan was tryna talk to her. So the entire time she's tryna talk to me and ryan starts trying to hold her. She looked really uncomfortable. We'll call this girl marie. She dms me on insta after the game. I thought that was kinda weird. This is like before homecoming week. So basically she starts dming me asking about ryan. I try helping her the best I can. One of the events was a move night. Ryan and marie were cuddling and eventually started making out. I'm thinking like W ryan yk bc that girl was hot. Yet after she still decides to dm me telling me that the kiss was all him and not her, kinda weird she'd tell me that. Ryan starts paying less and less attention to her over hoco week and she keeps dming me. I started talking to her in school. Then the day of the powderpuff game she tells him she's not gonna make it, she tells me she's going. At the game marie and I had a really good conversation. Then ryan showed up and stood between us on the bleachers, she didn't like that. Then he was leaving to get food and asked me to come, she told me to stay with her. I said i'd be back. When I was off the bleachers I noticed her staring at me from a far. When we got back she kept talking to me. Then other people around me starting warning me bc apparently she had made out with a bunch of underclassmen at previous games. Then she panicked and told me she liked me right before she left. Tbh that made me panic. Really attractive girl but she's a hoe? I didn't know what to do. Next thing you know she invited me to take pictures for hoco and go out to eat. What was I supposed to do? say no? I'm talking like bad 10/10 female who I could talk to for days. We went as "friends". We went as friends bc I thought she needed to take things slower bc she obviously had trouble doing that. Also I learned, that same week, before we ever met she had a crush on my best friend for a year. We'll call him josh. Keep that in mind for later. So we go take pictures and out to eat. We were having a lot of fun and Justin was also going with marie's friend. We were all at the dance and obviously we're all partying and having a good time. Then she asks the question "what are we" bc she obviously wanted to date. She'd been asking so much it was pissing me off. So i said fck it and asked her out. Even though I saw all the serious red flags. She was ecstatic. Here's the thing so because we were now together she decided to dance closer to me. She was putting my hands on her waist and she was grinding on me, ect. Then we get away from everyone and fcking ed sheeran perfect starts playing. So we were slow dancing and she was smiling and giggling. She got really close to my face and then souja boy started playing. I kissed her apparently and we started making out. I can't believe I'd do that in a public place. Well after the dance we were at an after party making out and cuddling. Absolutely wild. Keep in mind my dumbass got with a girl who made out with my friend a few days prior.
During The Relationship
This paragraph is gonna be over a longer amount of time so I won't share every detail. Tbh I never trusted her fully but I tried my hardest. So yk it was great. I loved her and gave her everything I had. She loved me too. It was amazing. I had so many intimate, loving, ect moments with that girl. It meant so much. Though I couldn't trust her because she just seemed so promiscuous. It would start arguments. We'd take breaks (her Idea) but that wouldn't solve anything. One day we were hanging out and it got really late. It was around halloween and there were a bunch of people in costumes. She'd get scared and I was there for her to jump in my arms. We danced and kissed. We looked at each other in the most amazing way. She told me she wanted to marry me one day and that I was the one for her. It meant so much in the moment but looking back on it I wish she wouldn't have said that. Well a long time after she got snapchat. She'd seem like the type to have it but her parents were strict. She got 20k snap score in a month. Then I kept hearing these stories abt all the things she's done with other ppl. Also remember Josh? My best friend who she used to have a crush on? Yeah she added him. She also added dudes who had previously flirted with her. It also doesn't help when people tell you she's flirting with other ppl. She just said she's not and thats how she is. So she added him and snap and then she starts to think he has a crush on her. She got him to second on her snap best friends list. She was his first. It was causing us problems. She asks him if he has a crush on her. Josh says "I think you're attractive but you're with ___ ". She tells me that and i'm like no shot that is what he said. I asked him and said the same thing but he added the part "I don't have a crush on her". I tell her and she gets mad. She yells at me saying "you only asked to get the answer you wanted". Marie tells me to have josh tell her that. He tells her and she cries. I wanted to leave right in the moment. She even admitted to liking him. But she then said she still loves me. I wanted to leave and she somehow convinces me to stay. I should've left right there. Well anyways the little trust I had for her was gone. The next week we're at a party and I freaked out abt sm small. We argue and go on a break. It hurt us both. Then apparently I wasn't giving her enough space and she didn't communicate that. We break up. Then we have a call to finalize some things. We both cried. She even said she thought we could possibly get back together one day bc her parents did after 4 years. She even made this statement abt the bracelet I got her, that maybe one day someone would recognize it and we'd find each other again. Also btw that was a special bracelet with her favorite shit on it. Then she said some b.s. that we could maybe get back together in a month if we still liked each other. Let's just say we didn't. So that breakup hurt her right? It did and I know it did. You know how she dealt with it? In a week she tells josh she likes him and he says it back. They got together and kissed two weeks after we broke up. I was furious. I tore up my room. I was ranting to ppl at school. Ppl already thought she was promiscuous but that made it a little worse. So then she told me I was ruining her life and to get out of her life. Blaming me entirely. It hurt so fucking bad. So so bad. Anyways I had to deal with that for months. Seeing them together. Her with him. Her laughing, cuddling, holding his hand. Her smiling the way she would smile at me. Hearing abt all the things they were doing together. It was hard. Yk I felt so bad abt making her look bad I even apologized in person. I hate that I try and be a good person. I didn't even get an apology for her shit.
After + now
After a few months they had problems. He didn't trust her. He broke up with her. It was funny yk, after all of my pain, all of that shit just for him to breakup with her. I heard abt it too apparently he didn't trust her. He apparently also didn't show her twice the amount of love I did. A week and a half after they broke up she texted me "you were right". This was months after not speaking to her and I was like wtf. I asked her abt what? she never told me. Later that week I heard she was talking shit abt me which was kinda random. There was this party and she was gonna be there after work so I was planning on shit talking her to her face. Well she got there and no one was talking to her. So her depressed ass went and sat on the couch. I don't have the will power to beat someone who's already down. So I asked her if she was talking shit abt me and she cried and didn't know what I was talking about. She went to the bathroom. She came back and I was like round 2. We had a genuine convo and I even got her to get up and dance. I had to go and I said sorry I couldn't talk longer. She asked if she could call me the next day. She ended up calling me later and the call lasted until 2 in the morning. She even apologized to me for that shit she did. It was a mid apology but she was never really good with words. She even asked how I got over her but in truth I didn't. She also told me the reason she texted me was because after they broke up she tried getting with a person who was tryna play her. She knew the dude was tryna play her but she loved that he called her gorgeous. She said she has a problem being lonely because she's looking for her person. Well anyways we started becoming "friends". She starts calling me more and calls it a platonic friendship. She follows me on insta and adds me on snap. She tells me she missed talking to me. Then one night she's freaking out abt something and she goes to me for help. I calm her down and then she says sm she shouldn't have said, "maybe it was right person wrong time". That's what she said when we broke up. She also said her period would be the next day. Idk y she was comfortable telling me that, I get it i'm her ex but really? Anyways she has problems down there and her period is worse than normal. She's texting me abt it and im doing my best to help her. She's in the nurse and im there for her. I said I didn't know what to do and she was crying. I asked her if she wanted a hug and she just went into me. It was so wild. She didn't leave the hug for awhile either. Then she went home. She texted me thanking me. So that happened and she's talking to this other dude. This dude is even more of a player. She knows that. She got into a fight with her friend, she was still angry abt that so in the next week decided to lash out at me bc I wasn't telling her who told me, bc I knew abt her and the dude. I got heated. She was begging for forgiveness for days. I told her to give me space. After I got over it she said she didn't want to lose me again. A few days later she lies to my face abt the dude again. I got so mad. I said i was done with her shit ect. She said she likes talking to me and didn't want me to leave but I could if i wanted to. After a few days I said I'll remain friendly. She said "i'd love that thank you". Well she wasn't talking to that dude anymore and was talking to some other dude that wasn't good for her either. I started to realize i was obsessing over who she was talking to. I was right abt all of their problems but still. Also she had called me controlling during our relationship before. Well anyways I got into a fight my dad. The next day I made a comment and the comment pissed me off. I lashed out at her saying "are you glad you left for josh when all he did was treat you like shit". yeah she cried. She though I lashed out bc I didn't approve of the dudes she was talking to. I explained to her a few days later that it was because I still hold resentment and bitterness bc of what she did to me. I've told her I still don't like her before. I also said we shouldn't talk or be friends bc it wasn't healthy, no contact. She was okay with it. Then earlier this week, a week after I said no contact, she texts me abt her new shoes and im thinking like y did you tell me this. She comes up to me in person asking if I got her text and starts tryna talk to me. Then she says sorry for breaking the no contact and walks away. Then on wednesday I was interrogated by some girls, apparently that second player had a gf. I check snap and she un added me. I check insta and she wasn't following me either. I ask her what happened and if she was okay. She said she was doing a cleansing and she deleted her insta account. I got concerned but she told me to stay out of it. She calls me the next day telling me abt how she dyed her hair black. The then says sorry for breaking the no contact. I ask her why she called me and she's like idk you freaked out abt my deleting my insta and im like thats not the same thing. Her dying her hair and her deleting her insta is not the same thing. She said she thought it kinda was. I was like okay and said bye and hung up. I haven't talked to her in a few days now. She hasn't added me back on snap or followed me with her new insta account.
TLDR: gf gets with my friend. After they breakup we become friends. That doesn't really work for me even though I missed her.
​
I miss her so much. I know deep down I still hold hard feelings.
I miss holding her and telling her I love her. I miss the way we'd kiss until our mouths were numb. I can't sometimes.
What more do I do?
What comes next?

I have watched the anime (S1 and S2 and the two movies, but I did not watch Miyuki's POV season cause I read the light novel until the latest volume, which you guys can find on a site called Lightnovelreader), and I have quite a bit to say. I didn't try to over or under-analyze anything, rather, these are just my observations and I tried to base them on common sense or objective reasoning I guess.
Please add your opinion! Sadly, I don't know any other Mahouka fans :( and the ones I know who have heard of it don't like it thanks to the obvious brother-sister relationship.
Anyhow, let's start from the over-arching aspects I guess.
Wonderful beginning in both the light novel and anime! I love the world-building, and some of the characters are just to die for! The show doesn't border on being too informational like others, nor too generic, rather, it has its own peculiar merits which make it stand out to me. The main character's premise is nice, he is definitely OP at pretty much everything he does, and that can get boring really fast, but thankfully, Mahouka doesn't take that obvious route with him (Sadly, it feels like it doesn't take any route with him, but that might be why it stands out I guess). Most side characters are bland (like in nearly all anime), so I didn't expect much there, however, some characters are surprisingly more complex or interesting than they seem! (Maya is a great example. I had a negative view of her when she was introduced with no backstory and in a negative light by the MC. That's why I originally pictured her as the archetype 'I am the power-hungry relative that killed your family to take their authority or whatever' character, but when I read her backstory, I was like 'Damn, even after all that, she's the strongest women on the planet. She also pretty much takes no shit from anybody. Damn.' and I couldn't really bring myself to give her a basic label like that again).
Anyhow, Miyuki is also a character with a great premise, but, and I'm not trying to sound mean, she clearly has no relevance in the story if not for Tatsuya's existence. I'm sure the author knows what she's doing and all with Miyuki, but before we even reached the halfway point of season 1, she became fan service material that loves saying 'onii-sama' like a dozen times a sentence. I don't hate her, but she never grew on me, even when I reached the end. (Sort of like Casca! She is an amazing character, but after the eclipse, she sort of became material to push the plot forward by forcing Guts into a bad situation at every possible moment).
Now, onto the only relevant side characters: MC's friends, Senpais, and Masaki + his friend. I like how each of his friends has a different personality, but honestly, Honoka shouldn't have been a character in the first place (It felt like she was there to just constantly remind everyone that Tatsuya has a female posse, or to just keep Miyuki and Tatsuya's relationship alive in their school setting). Shizuku was a wonderful character because she wasn't attracted to Tatsuya like the rest (at least not openly), but after the advice she gave Honoka, she died to me. It just doesn't make sense why she told Honoka to either share or steal Tatsuya with or from Miyuki😂. Logically, she would convince her otherwise, but once again, it's for the plot. The rest of the Mc's friends are good (Especially Erika! She has a personality that sticks out and isn't that overused Tsundere-type female that nearly every anime has). As for his seniors, I respect Katsuto, but I find him stale and don't really like him. Mayumi should've been treated much better as a character. (It feels like she was used in a different way to Honoka but with the same purpose, despite having a better 'everything'). As for the rest of his seniors, I am not really interested in them because, in the end, they were used to push forward the prevailing belief that 'Tatsuya is an OP badass, so don't mess with him.' Plus, no one in the story really has as much talent as Tatsuya in any given field (Miyuki is supposedly second to him if we discount 'general' magic). Now, onto Masaki: he is simply a failed Honoka and an even worse attempt at a rival for Tatsuya. Tatsuya didn't even find him dangerous (even when he was holding back) and he didn't even see him as any sort of live interest😂, it was just Miyuki and nearly everyone else that saw it that way, which ruined his character for me. His feelings were superficial and his actions even more so, sort of like an inferior version of the MC.(Almost like when an author tries to shove a character down your throat by giving them so many unnecessary backstories or abilities in an effort to make them likable.) Overall, I was tempted to skip any and all dialogues from him in the Light novel. His friend (I forgot his name), should have been Tatsuya's rival! I really liked the fact that there was another child genius and it would've been cool if they were the ones that competed against each other as masterminds instead of just fighters. Sadly, he only ended up receiving help from Tatsuya and becoming a minor character that only speaks when Masaki starts talking about Miyuki (for comedic purposes I guess).
One last thing: The ten families and the Yotsuba in particular-
I really, really love the ten-families concept! Like, it reminds me of another good story I'm currently reading (Tower of god), so my hopes were high. Sadly, I found them to be disappointing (mostly because for people as grand as them, they were extremely petty for silly reasons. Like, the Ichijou head got involved in another family's wedding when he knows nothing about them just because he believes that they might become 'too powerful'. I mean, come on, everything about the Yotsuba is a damn secret, so how would he know if they were to become too powerful after a single marriage😂). The Kudou family was actually quite likable due to the presence of the old man (Retsu) and his grandson (Who honestly should've just had an honest talk with his grandad after controlling the parasite! Like, there was no need for him to go all Sasuke in this story and kill the old man too! It could've easily been handled much better!). The Saegusa family was extremely disappointing. Only Mayumi and the twins stick out, their brothers are like poor imitations of their dad, who thinks he's shit but clearly, he has an inferiority complex when it comes to anything Yostuba related.) The rest of the families were dull.
Now, the Yostuba was even worse than the Saegusa in my opinion. Like, none of their actions make sense! It feels like the author purposefully put them there just to make it look like it's Miyuki and Tatsuya vs the world or something. They can never rely on the Yotsuba (well, Tatsuya can't), but when the Yotsuba calls, they need to bow and comply. Let's start from the very beginning with these guys: Maya's incident. The Mc's grandfather is a badass. Miya was an extremely kind person back then, given how sensitive she was and how badly she suffered from trying to help her own twin. The family was even presented as a real family with that notion of 'Touch one of us, you gonna get all of these hands' type. Also, the 'Untouchables, is just a badass name overall. Sadly, it does not live up to its hype. After the Granddad's death, the clan went to shit. His brother took over, and in my opinion, ruined everything. First of all, Miya's marriage to that idiot (Mc's dad) was mistake no.1. Like, if they wanted terrifying talent, like really terrifying talent, then what about every other guy in the damn family? It just doesn't make sense to me and it has no relevance to the plot besides the 'Tatsuya and Miyuki vs the World'. In all honesty, the dad would've been so much better if he had a damn personality and he stuck by Tatsuya's side, instead of cowering like a little b-. Like, why get married again and leave your kids to the damn Yotsuba? And then he pops up later to make Tatsuya work for him due to his obviously overwhelming talent and to coddle the next head of the Yotsuba (Miyuki). Like, stfu and leave them alone😂. He didn't want to be there for them in their hardest times, then he doesn't deserve to be there with them when they are succeeding. (I really, really don't understand what the author was trying to do with him as a character, so if you know, please reply. Thank you in advance too!) Now, onto the grandfather, younger brother's second mistake: His treatment of Tatsuya. Like, everything the Yotsuba owns and everything it currently owns rightfully belongs to Tatsuya. He obviously makes an unbelievable amount for them, he provides them with the latest info, he does their work, and he has been presented to have more talent his pink than any single member does in their entire bloodline, so I don't really understand what the author wanted to pull by making both the branch families and the servants bully him for years on end. Like, everything is rightfully his, and I bet they wouldn't be pulling this shit if his grandfather was alive. Now, the final mistake of the grandfather's younger brother was that he left Maya in charge. I get that Miya was presented to be sick mentally and all, but Maya is practically a broken 14-year-old, and although I said I respect her, she just doesn't make sense. She has conflicting goals at times (idk if it was purposeful on the author's part of not) and she seems to take delight in abusing or neglecting or messing with Tatsuya, even going so far as to present it as 'just normal' in one of her earlier talks with him, just because he can't feel anything (although, I believe he has his emotions and they are just being sealed! Sort of like the pledge they used on him). Maya is unfit to be a leader, and Miya is even worse. Turning Tatsuya into a weapon was a huge mistake. However, she could've made up for that by being his parent, but the author was like 'Miyuki is my only child. That guard can just watch me play with her and treat her like my heir'. (It made sense here since Miya was practically mentally ill at this point. She messed up her sister's life, lost her dad and sister at the same time, was influenced by her crappy uncle and family to marry some loser, and then she had to give up her only son to that crappy family. Even in the movie, she didn't look happy at all. It might just be me, but I do believe she loves Tatsuya more than Miyuki and by a whole lot, but she just didn't want to show it because she didn't seem all that motherly with Miyuki and despite the cold shoulder she was giving Tatsuya, she was treating him far better than any adult in the Yotsuba that we have seen.) Now, the servants and branch families are just disappointing as a whole. Servants should know their place and the branch families should never have neglected Tatsuya, and then spoiled Miyuki in front of him (The author didn't even attempt to resolve this, rather, it looked like she was saying 'The old generation is doomed. Let the mc wait until they die and then he can lead the new generation that clearly favors him'). Also, Tatsuya should've been the heir. I see no real reason against him being the heir besides the author trying to keep Miyuki relevant😂😂 .
Magic, intelligence, talent, and connections. Tatsuya is quite literally superior to Miyuki in every way possible. In fact, I don't get why they said he was 'average-looking', like damn, if he's average, then what the hell am I? Also, there are people all over the world who could nuke countries in an instant in this story, so the Yostuba trying to hide Tatsuya is just a big lie. When they announced him as Miyuki's fiancee, they practically told the world about him and so they should've just made him the damn head. Like, I don't understand why (besides plot convenience) Tatsuya can't be the head. Even the younger generation prefers him to Miyuki. (Plus, imagine how OP the Yotsuba would be under Tatsuya's rule? The guy is practically the king of magic in this story. Also, Miyuki is just gonna do what he says anyway, so why make her the heir? I don't get this but oh well.) Plus, why does the Yotsuiba not actually try to help him in any way, shape, or form. Like anything the Yotsuba does, he alone has been presented to do the exact same thing but much better 😂😂. In the end, Tatsuya remained OP, neglected, and abused, so it felt like nothing really change with him (sadly).
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Now, my official and objective rating: 6.5/10.
(Also, I didn't read the new novels because when I reached the end of the story, it just felt inconsistent or very 'Miyuki and Tatsuya vs the world' heavy with no real reason at times.)
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If you are interested, I do have four personal opinions to share:
1) The author should've ended the story with a Yotsuba redemption arc of sorts, where they either return his emotions and offer their official acceptance of him as a member of the clan(Although the clan belongs to him and he doesn't need their approval), or at least have one of those sorts of therapy sit in where they realize that they were garbage and they give him his birthright. (It would've ended the story with Tatsuya actually undergoing some sort of character development). (Also, just a chapter where Tatsuya himself comes to terms with the world around him would be an amazing way to end the series besides some sort of lovey-dovey fight and run but I don't want to complain since I have never really written a book before)
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2) Tatsuya is not 'average-looking' and he should've inherited the purple eyes and hair. Don't even argue with me on this point.
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3) The parasites were not real villains. In fact, they were overused, It would've been much, much better if the world was being invaded by the parasites (and they had different forms instead of human shells), instead of Tatsuya just dealing with them every single time. (Even if they introduced the concept of other world beings or invaders, they would've been far more interesting than the parasites.)
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4) Lina should've been endgame. She and Tatsuya just fit each other. Both went experienced similar treatment due to actually being natural-born talents and are very military-oriented people, plus I don't see any reason why Miyuki always has to downgrade Lina in front of Tatsuya. If you don't like her, just don't talk to her, but don't be rude like that all of the time. She rarely insults her to her face. (Also, Miyuki was given everything Tatsuya should've gotten when she's an inferior version of him in nearly every way. I couldn't care less if she ended up with Masaki, but she and Tatsuya just feel like Miyuki wins no matter what because the author wants it that way tbh).

Hi,
I am a work in progress. But I still think I’m ready for a loving relationship. I want to start the journey with my person.
I’m 27 years old and I have a fairly significant physical disability, cerebral palsy. That basically means that I need help with almost everything, from bathing, dressing, all that good stuff like that. I’ve had a couple other setbacks as well that have prevented me from really pursuing independence, but I’m starting that journey now in earnest. This might be TMI but I’m setting up a meeting with my parents so we can discuss a roadmap to maximum independence.
Having a disability has made it hard to “find myself.”I have a few major interests, namely politics, geography, and history. But I’m looking for more hobbies. I’ll be completely honest. It’s tough to develop your own identity when you rely someone else’s help That said, I do have a great passion for learning. Wikipedia is my favorite website in the world and I just love knowing a little bit about a lot of things.
As for TV, I like stand-up comedy, Saturday Night Live, Futurama, Ted Lasso. On the dramatic side, I like Breaking Bad Better Call Saul, Severance, stuff like that.
And I absolutely love music. I know that sounds generic but I literally have my headphones on for the majority of my date. It’s hard to talk about favorite artist or genres because I’m the type of person to find a song on spotify and play it over and over and over. Sometimes it is here a certain song, no matter the genre, and it just grabs me. In fact, I find it easier to communicate my feelings through song lyrics most of the time.
Now, for what I’m really passionate about, politics. I am a committed progressive/social democrat. Basically, I believe every human should be free to live how they wish, so long as they don’t harm others or themselves. This means I believe deeply in women’s rights and LGBTQ+ rights. I also believe that America, as a wealthy nation, has the resources to take care of its citizens. I believe in free enterprise, but I also believe that the government should create conditions which allow people to pursue full and fulfilling lives. This means support for a living wage, healthcare as a right, paid time off as a guarantee for every worker.
I’ve always felt this way but my philosophy really came together this past summer. My family and I were lucky enough to go on a trip to Ireland last July. We got to stay in a really nice hotel. Pretty much every room in the hotel had a view of this small lake. I don’t know what it was about that particular lake, but I couldn’t stop looking at it. I felt a sense of calm and contentment that I had never really felt before. And that's when I knew that everyone should be able to have the same feeling I had. At least a couple days a year where people can just relax, relatively free of worry. That’s what I want to fight for
Getting back to personal stuff. I also like to meet a girl and take her back to that hotel and share that sense of calm with her. Now, I am 5’7” tall and I am relatively heavy. I have a plan to lose some weight but it is difficult as someone who is relatively sedentary.
I am looking for a close and affectionate relationship. My disability has meant that I have had very little intimate contact of any kind. So I would like someone who is open-minded with a relatively high sex drive. I should say though. Due to disability reasons I may need a little blue pill. We can cross that bridge when we come to it though. I haven’t really experimented with it, but I am kink inclined. What that exactly means, I’m not sure yet.
I don’t really have any strict standards. All I ask is that you are between 20 and 35, single and willing to meet me relatively soon in Nashville, Tennessee.. I know I’m a work in progress. It’s going to take a where I’m going but I have a lot of love to give and I feel like I’m ready to give that to someone, at least.
Apologies for typos. They are pretty hard to avoid when using a dictation software.
As long as this is up, I am open to replies.
Face pic available upon request.

-- Prentis Hemphill

If I don't love anyone, and I don't love me, can I have boundaries?
Sort of. I have boundaries. I use boundaries to make myself smaller. Speaking out got me slapped down, I'll be quiet like a mice.

“Boundaries give us the space to do the work of loving ourselves. They might be, actually, the first and fundamental expression of self-love. They also give us the space to love and witness others as they are, even those that have hurt us.”

The first quote came up in part 5 of Brene Brown's HBO series on Atlas of the Heart. The second when I was looking up Prentis Hemphill.
I feel very alien right now -- literally alien. Not human. something else.
Brown does this to me in her vids. She will claim on one hand to be a language populist, using words the way commoners use them, and then use them very differently from the way I do.
In Atlas of the Heart she's with an audience that clearly has read a bunch of her books, been to her whatevers, are long time fans and followers. But she assumes I know things I clearly don't. She shows clips to illustrate things from shows and movies I've never heard of. And often the concept goes right over my head.
I finished the series tonight, clinging to understanding the the way I used to cling to derivations in Quantum Mechanics. Each line sort of made sense from the previous line, but the whole thing was a jumble.
I hoped to have a better understanding of emotions and relationships from this series.
Instead, while I understand some more, I feel more broken than ever.

I feel empty, again, whenever someone asks me about you; as of right now, it’s happening a lot more often.
I hope you know my intention wasn’t to hurt you – it was so you couldn’t hurt someone again like you hurt me.
They asked me what I would like to see happen to you and I couldn't answer. I never wished any ill will on you, I just wanted to protect another young, vulnerable girl from the hurt you cause. Your intentions may not have been malicious but the outcome sure felt like it. I had never felt love like I had when I was loved by you. It destroyed me when you left and I see now that it was because I was ill prepared for life without you since you had been there for so long. They told me I was a victim, a survivor, and I stayed silent because I had never seen myself in that way before. In a small way, it's true. I had to survive my own self-destructive impulses that grew louder without your kind words to quiet them down. Surviving that was a feat all on it's own and no one is to thank but myself. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I don't feel as guilty as I thought I would. Empty, somehow, but not guilty. If you had done nothing wrong to begin with then you would have had nothing to worry about.