6pm est to cst
BLΛƆKPIИK 🇹🇭 [BORN PINK] TOUR in BANGKOK (Encore) - MAY 27-28
2016.06.29 03:03 mostinterestingtroll BLΛƆKPIИK 🇹🇭 [BORN PINK] TOUR in BANGKOK (Encore) - MAY 27-28
BLACKPINK / 블랙핑크 (stylized as BLΛƆKPIИK) is a four-member K-pop girl group by YG Entertainment, consisting of members Jisoo, Jennie, Rosé, and Lisa. The group debuted on August 8th, 2016. BLACKPINK is represented by Interscope and Universal Music Group outside of Asia. Second subreddit: BeulPing
2014.12.02 22:02 brtw What are we cooking tonight?
Never know what to make for dinner? Neither do we. Let's all make the same thing for dinner and see how it comes out. We're under some renovations right now, but new things are on the way!
2009.09.30 20:18 polymer Toronto Maple Leafs
**The Toronto Maple Leafs subreddit, home to links and discussion of the Maple Leafs. Go Leafs Go!**
2023.05.28 05:32 jistein Seasons Plant Based Kitchen - Soft Opening
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Moved to SLC almost 2 years ago and everyone recommended Seasons as a solid local fine dining-esque experience as far as vegan food. There aren’t many options in the area, Twisted Fern is probably the best experience but it’s all the way up in Park City. Anyways, always down to support local restaurants. submitted by jistein to SaltLakeCity [link] [comments]
It’s finally reopened after two years and this is the first time I’ve ever felt scammed after visiting a restaurant.
As far as food, we had the short rib starter which was a puff pastry with mushrooms, and ordered all entrées.
Their entrées are three options: 1) Mushrooms with mashed potatoes and (5) carrot planks, (3) asparagus, and (4) pearl onions - $28 2) Breaded Tofu with mashed potatoes and, yes - you guessed it, the same veggies as option 1 - $30 3) Breaded tofu with re-heated spaghetti - $32
Their dessert was a puff pastry with lemon custard and a berry situation, solid stuff.
Service was average and the music was more of what I would expect at Mark of the Beastro or Este Pizzeria.
They de facto add 20% tip and then ask for more once you pay. Ended up paying almost $200 for a ton of mashed potatoes and four drinks. I really hope they figure it out, but would definitely recommend staying away in the meantime.
2023.05.28 05:31 Player_X_YT Stackoverflow sucks
2023.05.28 05:30 Slow-Ship1055 chess.com keeps lagging until I time out
Is anybody else experiencing this issue? Since about 11pm (EST), every move I make is delayed about 30 seconds, and while I'm waiting for the program to make my move, that time is being eaten away. So by move 20, I'm down to about 2 minutes, while my opponent is still about 8 minutes. I'm playing 10 0 games. It's frustrating that I've lost twice now to my recent 2 games I was ahead in and should have won, or a close game but lost because of the move delay.
While this lag was happening I checked my speed with speedtest.net
, but that's fine. Nothing wrong with my internet connect or speed. I've noticed this in other nights too where there's a delay, but nothing as bad as tonight.
submitted by Slow-Ship1055
to chess [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:27 Madalovin [Online][EST] Need a spare Necromancer for a one-shot or regular games to play on weekends? [MotW][PF1e][5e][Other]
I've experience playing DnD5e, PF1e, Monsters of the Week, Challenger and Lasers & Feelings. My schedule during the week is unpredictable between family plans and working evenings, but I always have Sunday and Saturday off work and leave myself reserved for game nights those days. I'm comfortable on doin' an interview to see if I'm fit for yer table. I've a few characters with stories made in mind to adapt to the game being played, but am not against making new ones as it is always fun to try new ideas. At moment of posting I currently got this necromancer character with a flexible backstory in mind that I wanna try playing for the first time. c:
My discord is Madalovin#1312
submitted by Madalovin
to lfg [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:24 cereal-kills-me Me grabbing some steaks at the store knowing damn well I’m gonna cook them Well Done in a way that people of this subreddit would mock
2023.05.28 05:23 Open_Palpitation_383 My best ever finish, but in the sweatiest Champs weekend
2023.05.28 05:23 DareRepresentative14 Hey there! I need help
2023.05.28 05:21 Ok_Role_5861 To num ponto baixo da minha vida e ainda tem a minha ex
Estou num momento muito sensível da minha vida e do meu psicológico, a um ano e meio me mudei pra um cidade pequena na praia com meus pais, um lugar agradavel mais no processo perdi a minha namorada.
E recentemente fiz uma viagem pra buscar minha vó que veio morar conosco, acontece q nessa viajem ao voutar a minha velha cidade me encontrei com a minha ex.
Contexto: ela foi minha unica namorada tivemos um namorico de criança na escola a quase 10 anos e depois ficamos relativamente afastados ate o ensino medio, ela ja tinha se tornado muito mais esperiente em relacionamentos mais depois de situações muito complicadas na vida pessoal dela nos se aproximamos e começamos um relacionamento durou ate eu me mudar tentarmos fazer dar certo mais bem... Nao deu, nao foi uma separação amigavel, e sim ela foi minha unica namorada até hoje.
Nunca cortamos contato efetivamente, ela teve outros relacionamentos e vouta e meia voltávamos a conversar ate que nos desentendiamos novamente, foi assim por 1 ano e meia ate q fiz a viajem previamente citada.
Entao la estava ela, a unica pessoa que me relacionei, amei e me abri, nao foi um reecontro perfeito, ele tinha muita raiva de mim mais eu tava super feliz de vela novamente, saimos pra jantar com um amigo nosso, (foi uma condição imposta por ela que ele estivesse la para jantarmos) foi um jantar bom e acabou bem Na verdade.
Problema foi no dia seguinte chegamos a sair no aumoço e correu tudo bem, entretanto de noite ela estava em conflito e me rejeitou disse que so falava comigo por dó e que devia esquece-la, eu agradeçi os bons momentos que tive junto a ela nos dias anteriores insisti q ficasse com os presentes que havia dado a ela e a bloqueei.
No dia seguinte eu ja estava indo embora, eu fiquei devastado, por algum motivo doeu infinitamente mais desta vez, vim junto a minha vó devolta para casa.
Acontece que agora com minha vó aqui eu acabei ficando desempregado ja que fechamos temporariamente e nosso restaurante de onde eu tirava meu dinheiro, entao começo a buscar emprego.
Eu entrei numa depressão profunda pos viagem, eu sou uma pessoa muito introvertida que ja nao tem amigos nem aqui e nem em lugar nenhum, (apos o rompimento com minha ex depois deu ter me mudado ate passei por um momento assim mais o restaurante me ajudou a ocupar a cabeça.)
Se passaram um mes dez da viagem agora alem de tudo tenho que pensar na mudança da minha prima que logo vira se mudar para aqui tambem, na visita da minha tia, na minha carteira de motorista, em retomar meus estudos sem falar em encontrar um emprego, contudo fiquei ainda mais frustrado, e ainda por cima certo dia me deparo com uma postagem da minha ex no tik tok com um novo namorado, me sentindo morto, triste e destruido começo até mesmo a pensar em "dormir sem acordar mais".
Ate que no domigo passado quando recebo uma ligação, era minha ex chorando, acontece que seu relacionamento recente é um fiasco, ela me diz como tem saudade e me elojia pela primeira vez em muito tempo, dando valor a mim como companheiro e etc. A ponto de dizer que gostaria de voutar comigo... no dia seguinte ela rapidamente adimitiu que ela podia ter exagerado sobre voutarmos tao derrepente, eu sinceramente ja esperava usso entao nao foi um problema.
Enfim falamos sobre o relacionamento recentemente dela, encorajo ela a se afastar do cara que é um imbesil completo e continuamos conversando todos os dias e tem sido extremamente agradavel ate hoje no sabado, ontem e em algum outro momento da semana eu tive crise de depressão mais hoje no sábado eu tive uma mais forte e durante a tarde, minha ex sendo extremamente impulsiva foi ver uma "amiga" em outra cidade oque acabou resultando nela tendo uma viagem muito estreçante.
Depois que ela chegou tive que ligar pra ela pra conseguir saber se ela ao menos estava bem ela nem atendeu so respondeu as mensagens dizendo estar bem e para que eu nao liga-se novamente, nao vou mentir suspeito que ela esteja com o imbesil, e obviamente isso me afeta muito e quero conversar com ela amanha sobre porque estamos fazendo isso de voutar a conversar.
Eu to muito deprimido no momento e preocupado com ela tambem, eu nem sei oque espero ouvir de quem ler este post, talvez sugestões.
Obrigado por ler ate aqui, eu irei ler o comentários mais nao prometo responder.
submitted by Ok_Role_5861
to desabafos [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:19 Distinct_Raccoon_SCP [ONLINE GAME OF D&D 5E] [HOMEBREW] [LONG TERM GAME]
seven dragon overlords The ancient city of Imperia was once the greatest metropolis in all the land With mighty. towers that reached the heavens and wealth beyond imagination, there was no mortal realm that could compare to it. However, its ruler, eager to extend the territory of his kingdom and add to his already massive wealth, started a campaign to expand Imperia. Rallying the people under the banner of unity, the mortals entered an almost unstoppable frenzy, reaching across all corners all the land. Unfortunately, destiny was a cruel mistress: in their eagerness and rush, the kingdom had entered the lands of seven mighty entities, the Dragon Overlords: Athrazor, Lord of Cinder; Coldryum, the Crystal Nightmare; Noxia, Mistress of Venom; Slithrae, Terror of the Depths; Umbrazar, the Undying Shadow; Zhao Leng. Emperor of the Skies and Magnamanus, the Dragon Tyrant. Creatures of unimaginable strength, they wiped the armies that entered their domains and proceeded to attack the mortal kingdom in punishment for their advance. Desperate, the king's mages executed an emergency plan: gathering arcane energies from across the Multiverse, they summoned back from the dead the spirits of powerful heroes, legends of their respective lands who'd already managed to surpass unbelievable odds. Amused the Dragon Overlords offered the king a deal: if his Champions could defeat them, they'd leave the kingdom forever. However, if they failed, they would make all mortals their slaves for eternity. The deal was sealed, and the king's Champions faced the mighty dragons in combat. However, for as powerful and experienced as the Champions were, the Overlords proved too much. Their mangled corpses were thrown upon the throne room, and they claimed the kingdom as theirs. Stealing all riches and wreaking havoc to their leisure, they made a final warning before leaving: at the end of each century, they would come back, eager to steal and destroy as they saw fit. Before leaving, though, they encouraged the mortals to once again try their luck. "We will face all your champions, mortals, and we will prevail" Thus, the Hunting Games were born. Each century, the city of Imperia once again becomes a battleground, with the almighty Dragon Overlords returning, ready to face the legends of other lands and proving that no one can compete against their dreadful power.
[Sign Up Information] Date: Fridays
Time: 5:30 EST
Levels: 11 - 20
Gameplay: A RP heavy game with a fair amount of combat thrown into mix. we use discord for chat and roll20 for game-play.
Homebrew/UA Permitted?: yes
Players: we are looking for a single player to replace one we lost ALSO DO NOT APPLY UNLESS YOUR 18 OR OLDER!!!!
Please DM me if interested along with answering the following questions
- how old you are
- if your a male or female
- how much D&D experience do you have
- what kind of character you wish to bring to the table.
submitted by Distinct_Raccoon_SCP
to lfg [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:18 Amaltash19XX I see alot of people fighting rap is better or rock is better.. ... enjoying one genre more is one thing there is enough gatekeeping outside.
Imagine your favourite artist who can do everything and take it to no1# and fighting here putting him and yourself in a box .... Alot of people who only listen to rap got to explore and get into rock through MGK (my TI friends listen to good Charlotte when we are out in a car they got into rock through exs best friend, then heard tickets then straight into deeper rock)...and alot of only rock fans who only heard rock got into rap through MGK this album will also give them a more rap experience make them explore more rap music...... No era is ever coming back enjoy everything instead of gatekeeping... Each song and album has been an important part of my life EST is for everyone stands together ♥️
submitted by Amaltash19XX
to MachineGunKelly [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:17 MrsLyall88 Upgrading shower head
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Afternoon all, just wanted to ask the reddit community how difficult it would be to try diy a shower head upgrade? submitted by MrsLyall88 to diynz [link] [comments]
We currently have the shower head pictured but we'd love to upgrade to the second picture.
My cousin reckons I can do it myself and I'd be keen to give it a go but I'm anxious about causing damage so I'm wondering if we just bite the bullet and pay a plumber or do I try do it myself.
2023.05.28 05:15 FrogmanT3 I'm building a champ team looking for players ( need to be legendary I'm USA eastern) we use mic. We need 1 more
We are going to play mostly around 5 or 6 ESt Send me your discord for team chat and cod username with WC id please. if you want to join, stay in contact I've had to kick people for not talking
submitted by FrogmanT3
to CallOfDutyMobile [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:15 Tricky-Hyena185 [NA][Zul'jin] Recruiting Tank and DPS
Who We Are:
Wonderful is a semi-hardcore adult oriented guild looking for people wanting to raid, run mythic keys and make friends. We can offer you a guild that focuses on a Team Effort not Individualism. Raiding Aspect:
Main focus is AOTC and Mythic raiding. Raid loggers please do not apply. Mythic keys
are required to everyone who signs up for raiding. Must be able to handle criticism, strive to be better,overall improve performance and positive attitudes.
- Tank Need: Any except for Brewmaster.
- DPS Needs: Mage, Lock, Death Knight, Evoker. Other Dps are encouraged to apply.
- Tue/Wed and optional Monday
Current Progression 9/9N 8/9H
- 10PM PST - 12:30AM PST
- 12:00 AM CST - 2:30 AM CST
- 1:00 AM EST - 3:30 AM EST
Feel free to still apply or join us. Most of us are on later in the evening and in Discord as this is a PST
Questions or interested in joining? Contact:
Healing Officer: Bnet Màili#1662 / Raid Lead Bnet: Hamster#11648
submitted by Tricky-Hyena185
to wowguilds [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:14 Suspicious-River-767 [online][5e][est]A demon slayer campaign that uses 5e as a base needs one more member for Mondays from 9-12
How this will work: Since I can share content on dnd beyond my plan is that every character makes a martial class, be it a fighter, monk, barbarian, or anything else the rule is no magic, or magic like effects.
Breathing techniques: For the breathing techniques you can either chose one from the show(standard ones, not sun breathing or moon breathing), or you can make your own and I will make a magic item weapon that has the ability's of the breathing techniques
Blood arts: For those of you who want to play demons that an option too, the same no magic rule applies but if you want a demon make a martial class and give me an idea of what you want for your blood demon art, and I will see about making it into a working item similar to the breathing techniques
Setting: The story takes place around 20 years after muzans defeat. At this point the main cast from the demon slayer series is retired as most demons are on the ropes. In the final struggle some demons, converted by those who are seeking to regrow the demon population trough a medicine the demons have produces have been given supervision status to help the slayers due to the example set by the kamado siblings. It seems like the battle would be over until a demon killed an entire town, using the blood for their blood demon art, blood gate, the blood overloaded the gate and made a literal crack in the world. Causing a gateway to another world to open. When this gateway opened it was immediately noticed by the Nichirin resonance, as the once mimicking style of the demon slayers now evoked the elements they were based after. For a time the slayers, despite their defeat at the blood shard village as it was dubbed, found that their jobs were easier than ever, that was until demons started pouring out of the crack, some had green skin, others had horns and tails, there as even a dragon like demon. The demon slayers were being pushed back, and after great efforts created their own portal, they have assigned teams of 4 to be sent into this new world, they are sending newer recruits because they can't risk sending their stronger members in case its a bloodbath, so the first groups being sent has been dubbed the dead generation. It is up to your group to kill demons, find the source, and hopefully figure out how the hell to read and speak this new language in this world.
What time do we play: The games would be Wednesdays from 9-12 pm Est, session zero will be on the 24th.
If your interested: Send me a discord friend request and comment below and the first 4 will make up team 8 of the dead generation
submitted by Suspicious-River-767
to lfg [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:12 shortblab 26 [F4R] IL/Anywhere - Anybody down for a late night chat??
Hiiii hope this finds you well! I’m 26F in the Midwest, CST. I’m really just looking to shoot the shit and have a good time. Talk about boring shit, crack some jokes, idk just somebody to connect with although I’m not particularly interested in dating. And please be 24+ if you message
A little about meeee, I work a lot and I’m in college. When I’m not doing those things or crying I like to go for drives, listen to music or play with the kitties. I kind of game? And by that I mean I only really play one game xD I don’t watch much for tv/movies so maybe you can throw me some recs?? Also working on some other lifestyle changes like being more active etc. there’s a lot going on but it gets pretttty mundane without people to talk shit with inbetween. Hope you message if you think we’d get along(:
submitted by shortblab
to r4r [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:10 Mother_Chipmunk_700 27 [M4F] TN/US/CST-Is it too soon to start our journey?
I am a work in progress. But I still think I’m ready for a loving relationship. I want to start the journey with my person.
I’m 27 years old and I have a fairly significant physical disability, cerebral palsy. That basically means that I need help with almost everything, from bathing, dressing, all that good stuff like that. I’ve had a couple other setbacks as well that have prevented me from really pursuing independence, but I’m starting that journey now in earnest. This might be TMI but I’m setting up a meeting with my parents so we can discuss a roadmap to maximum independence.
Having a disability has made it hard to “find myself.”I have a few major interests, namely politics, geography, and history. But I’m looking for more hobbies. I’ll be completely honest. It’s tough to develop your own identity when you rely someone else’s help That said, I do have a great passion for learning. Wikipedia is my favorite website in the world and I just love knowing a little bit about a lot of things.
As for TV, I like stand-up comedy, Saturday Night Live, Futurama, Ted Lasso. On the dramatic side, I like Breaking Bad Better Call Saul, Severance, stuff like that.
And I absolutely love music. I know that sounds generic but I literally have my headphones on for the majority of my date. It’s hard to talk about favorite artist or genres because I’m the type of person to find a song on spotify and play it over and over and over. Sometimes it is here a certain song, no matter the genre, and it just grabs me. In fact, I find it easier to communicate my feelings through song lyrics most of the time.
Now, for what I’m really passionate about, politics. I am a committed progressive/social democrat. Basically, I believe every human should be free to live how they wish, so long as they don’t harm others or themselves. This means I believe deeply in women’s rights and LGBTQ+ rights. I also believe that America, as a wealthy nation, has the resources to take care of its citizens. I believe in free enterprise, but I also believe that the government should create conditions which allow people to pursue full and fulfilling lives. This means support for a living wage, healthcare as a right, paid time off as a guarantee for every worker.
I’ve always felt this way but my philosophy really came together this past summer. My family and I were lucky enough to go on a trip to Ireland last July. We got to stay in a really nice hotel. Pretty much every room in the hotel had a view of this small lake. I don’t know what it was about that particular lake, but I couldn’t stop looking at it. I felt a sense of calm and contentment that I had never really felt before. And that's when I knew that everyone should be able to have the same feeling I had. At least a couple days a year where people can just relax, relatively free of worry. That’s what I want to fight for
Getting back to personal stuff. I also like to meet a girl and take her back to that hotel and share that sense of calm with her. Now, I am 5’7” tall and I am relatively heavy. I have a plan to lose some weight but it is difficult as someone who is relatively sedentary.
I am looking for a close and affectionate relationship. My disability has meant that I have had very little intimate contact of any kind. So I would like someone who is open-minded with a relatively high sex drive. I should say though. Due to disability reasons I may need a little blue pill. We can cross that bridge when we come to it though. I haven’t really experimented with it, but I am kink inclined. What that exactly means, I’m not sure yet.
I don’t really have any strict standards. All I ask is that you are between 20 and 35, single and willing to meet me relatively soon in Nashville, Tennessee.. I know I’m a work in progress. It’s going to take a where I’m going but I have a lot of love to give and I feel like I’m ready to give that to someone, at least.
Apologies for typos. They are pretty hard to avoid when using a dictation software.
As long as this is up, I am open to replies.
Face pic available upon request.
submitted by Mother_Chipmunk_700
to r4r [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:06 Bluemanze [NA][Illidan] 9/9H LFM RDPS for Mythic Raiding
Hi there, we are a group of video game players that are looking to push CE at a relaxed pace over the tier. We raid Tues/Wed, 8PM-11PM CST moving to 8-10PM CST. We just finished up Heroic last week and are looking to add a few new people for Mythic starting next week.
This would be the perfect guild for you if you can't set aside a lot of hours for raids, but you enjoy the game, perform well, and spend time outside of raid optimizing your character(s)
We raid on an extremely restricted 4hweek schedule for most of the tier. On this sort of schedule, we demand that players are fully aware of the encounters before the first pull, are fully equipped with consumables, and are in the raid ready to pull at start time.
If that sounds great to you, we would love to trial you. At the moment, we are most interested in RDPS, but will consider MDPS and flex healers.
You can either message me on Reddit or contact me in WoW (Blueman#1757)
submitted by Bluemanze
to wowguilds [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 05:06 drafan5 S5 Leak Spoilers. SO GLAD they cut this scene (Collusion spoilers)
submitted by drafan5 to miraculousladybug [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:56 kpetow2 Wish me luck fam, I'm heading to my first treatment in a few hours!
My flight leaves at 8am (est) and I'm off to my first Ibogaine experience!
I'm super excited, I'm sure I'll get nervous when the treatment gets closer but right now just super excited and can't wait to see what it has in store for me!
The staff where I am heading has been amazing so far and I've heard lots of nice things about the place and especially the staff so I can't wait to finally meet them.
Idk if this happens to others, but I have already seen a change in myself and my out look, people close to me have said the same, so 🤞 that this treatment will finally be the help/push I need to stop all the b.s and f***ing around with stuff that can kill me and help me be the real me with a better and bright future!
I'll keel you all posted if your interested...?
Much love to you all
submitted by kpetow2
to Ibogaine [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:56 Level-Narwhal-7741 [Ajuda] Mudança de carreira após estagnar
Olá pessoal! Saudações cordiais.
Gente, preciso de umas ideias e sugestões para poder conseguir trabalho e mudar de ramo.
Pra contexto, sou geólogo, formei aqui numa universidade pública de SP. Fiz tudo que tinha que fazer na graduação, consegui intercâmbio, estágio, mas não consegui ser contratado na minha área. Tentei tudo o que tinha que tentar pra conseguir, pedi indicação pra amigos e professores, mandei CV, fui nas empresas, até postar positividade vazia e uns projetos no LinkedIn, mas não foi.
Também pedi feedback dos professores, colegas e amigos e das empresas que mandei CV, mas sempre é aquela conversinha mole de que ainda não foi minha vez, logo aparece, ao invés de faça isso, você é deficiente naquilo, adquira competência nisso... Aí eu cansei, fiquei num burnout absurdo, doente, e até cogitei fazer besteira (que graças a deus não fiz).
Hoje eu to vivendo um dia de cada vez, fazendo freelas, e fazendo concursos com material que acho por aí.
Então eu to cogitando fazer uma outra faculdade, possivelmente algo na tecnologia como computação ou engenharia, tenho uma certa afinidade.
Meu pedido de ajuda é para como conseguir um trabalho, ou fazer algo para que eu possa pagar por estes novos estudos.
Antes que alguém pergunte, naturalmente tentei outras coisas além da minha área, mas não consegui me firmar. Também não consigo me guiar no que falta pra me encaixar porque feedback zero da galera. Não sei se é por ter o ensino superior o pessoal não quer chamar pra essas vagas mais simples ou o que...
Agradeço de antemão pela paciência e pelas sugestões
submitted by Level-Narwhal-7741
to conversasserias [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:55 dontlookdonttell In this case I actually am selfish for wanting to give up
mostly just a vent, advice if you have any? not expecting any though, I just need to vent also not proofread, sorry
the following is very long, tldr I am incredibly lucky and well off and have every reason to be happy but I'm a shitty selfish person who wants easy instant gratification more than to improve and I can't get myself to care about anything enough to try hard enough
I have grown up in an upper middle class family, my parents are cheap because they grew up poorer then dirt but I have never felt insecure about money or that my needs and wants weren't met financially. my parents have some issues, products of traumatizing childhoods they treated with alcohol when they were younger and now they try and ignore, but they are certainly not awful. My dad can irrationally angry and yell, my mom will flip from being the most loving adoring person to seemingly despising me over the exact same thing, but I have in no way ever been physically abused and at worst maybe got a couple overly harsh words... well paragraphs (she does not know when to stop talking even when she's just digging a deeper hole for herself) from my mom. their worst attribute is probably just the gaslighting that fights never happened or went differently then I remembered but it's not that big of a deal and to be fair I have god awful recall so maybe they are right???
I have a wonderful boyfriend, he lives across the US from me right now because his dad is in the coast guard but we spent a very nice couple months together and are still going very strong. he is the most kind, loving, and supportive person in the world, I love him more than I knew I could love anything.
I don't have many friends because I either pushed them away directly or indirectly because I am a shut-in online college student and will forget to respond to text messages for weeks sometimes, but I have a couple who still try even despite how god awful of a friend I am.
I am not doing the greatest in college, but I am not doing terrible either, my state has the Running Start program where you can take partially school-funded college classes from the local community college to count as high school credits junior and senior year, I've been doing that the last 2 years. I am graduating from highschool next month and from college with a business associates next year in March hopefully. I also skipped kindergarten, meaning I am very far ahead in things.
I am in discussion with a local CPA accounting firm about a part-time junior accountant position which is an incredible opportunity in the accounting field as is regardless of how young and relatively inexperienced I am to be having these conversations. It's one of the few things I'm actually good at (at least so far) that I don't despise AND makes good money, I am very excited for it.
I am a trans guy, took me a while to realize it because I tried so hard to convince myself I just needed to "be a girl better" and that's why I hated myself, literally made my own "girl-bootcamp" where I tried to teach myself to be a girl in the most toxic feminity misogynistic way possible like a fool. I'm out of it now though! I am dressing the way I want, I go by a preferred name now, I was out in my highschool's theatre program and everyone was chill with it, I am not working right now so I'm not stuck getting dead named and misgendered all day anymore, and I just had my first appointment with the best gender clinic in my state and I'm supposed to start testosterone in a month. I should be happier then I've ever been.
but in the last month I almost killed myself 3 times, I had only gotten that close to an attempt once before. I've gained this sickening awareness, now that I've met all the imaginary conditions for happiness and success, that I am not getting any better, and it's because I don't want to.
As a kid I daydreamed so hard about the future, so sure the future would make everything better for me, that I became a maladaptive daydreamer and I am still no better about that to this day. eventually I stopped being able to imagine having a future at all, any event planned to happen past this afternoon doesn't feel real until it's occuring. I got out of toxic friendgroups, got in a relationship, got out of it, did therapy, got ADHD meds, did more therapy, got antidepressants, did virtual intensive outpatient therapy, did more therapy after that. I got good grades, I discovered myself, I got a job, I dropped the job to focus on school and myself, I fell in love, I make planner after planner after planner trying to organize my life, I try everything I can to find things I enjoy doing that make my happy and might give me motivation, I have did everything I was supposed to and I am the same trash I was at the start.
I take a shower maybe once a month I brush my teeth maybe once every couple months I eat average 2 meals a day, often just one I stay up late into the night, sleep long into the morning, or fall asleep a 6pm and wake up at 6am, I fall asleep all the time randomly and fatigue clings to me like plastic film I pace for hours and hours daydreaming, or ranting out loud to myself when I'm home alone I doomscroll until my eye sockets feel hollow I play stupid games I know are wasting my time when there are urgent things to be done I rot. I lay in my bed in rot. I sit on the couch and rot. I pace in the kitchen and rot. I sit on my phone and rot.
I can not control myself, I only care about self-fulfilling instant gratification and nothing else. eating is hard and I don't like it, won't do it. showering is hard and I don't feel like it, won't do it. brushing my teeth is hard and I am tired, won't do it. going outside is hard and I know secretly they can't help but judge my stupid girly voice the moment I open my stupid fucking mouth, won't do it studying is hard and I am too stupid for this shit anyways, won't do it
I am not getting better, I am only getting worse. I am at the highest dose of ADHD meds I can comfortably take before the side effects start to bug me, I take a pretty high dose of anti depressants. I know I am chemically better than before, it's not raw exhaustion and disinterest and misery, I get very happy and excited and energetic, but only if does something for me NOW. I get excited about dandelions and weird bugs and Hank green tiktoks and playing Stardew valley and city bus rides and zoos, but only in the moment and once it is gone I am hollow. if something is at all out of reach, no matter how good it is, how much ecstatic euphoric joy it brings me in the moment, I will not fight for it. no matter how miserable I am, if improving the situation is perceived as even slightly more uncomfortable for the tiniest moment, I won't do it. I sometimes have... bladder control issues, absolutely not fucking fun. I used to be so ashamed and proactive about it, and I still feel awful and disgusting and ashamed, but if it's the usual small amount where I can convince myself "it'll dry", I'll literally rot in my own filth for a week or so. it's disgusting, I am disgusting. I have been trying so hard to do better but it's never enough because I can't put my full heart in it, I just want my simple easy pleasure and then die. I am still trying to keep up with things, but I am continuing to worsen. the same cycle happened to me with both jobs I worked, I'd start out a star employee, learning really fast, showing up early, being very responsible, then I'd progressively show up a little later, just barely on time, a minute or two late, 5 minutes late, 10, 20, I call out "sick" an hour before my shift, I do this a couple times, I put in my two weeks/quit. I make up some excuse, usually some mysteriously serious and private family matters, and rot in bed because I fell behind on work or just couldn't find the energy to go and then I realized I'm a shitty employee and leave. I am at the "realizing I'm a shitty employee and leaving" stage in my life as a whole, but that's not allowed. Giving up is a terrible sad tragedy, but the only cure to sadness is to want to be happy. The only way to get better is to want to improve and push through the hard times and work hard and someday things will be easy and good. There's no cure to being the selfish asshole who cares more about not having to brush my teeth then living for my loved ones. I don't want to fight anymore, I am tired, the fighting isn't making me better, my ADHD and depression and arfid all keep from doing the things to fight my ADHD and depression and arfid enough as is, simply not having the will to fight is the final nail. I'm so tired, I want to take off from school and ignore the job opportunity and ignore any needs or responsibilities or meals and just play games and watch science videos and walk around town solely just to walk and look at things in stores I'll never buy and make weird clothes and pick flowers and impulse buy that Amtrak ticket to Monterey so I can visit the aquarium and sleep outside because I'm too young to book and stay in a hotel room alone and catch a bus going somewhere I don't know just to see where I end up and walk through the woods behind my house and try to find animal bones or a snake or something, I want to scream and cry and tear myself to shreds and laugh until I can't breath and spend every second and those awful unproductive dangerous stupid expensive waste-of-time wonderful perfect soul-filling tiny tiny little moments and then just drop dead. no more responsibility to anyone, certainly not myself, just ecstasy and permanent sleep.
it's not fair, I don't deserve that at all, it's selfish to want it when every person in my life has been through so much worse and are doing a thousand times better, I'll hurt people, life isn't that hard, ADHD and depression and common and executive dysfunction happens to people all the time and they do incredible amazing things and all I'm asked is to eat my dinner, take my 2 online college classes, and not fucking kill myself and I am failing at all 3 and I don't deserve to be getting away with this, even if I live but keep up tis behavior I will hurt people and ruin myself, but I just don't care enough to try because at night when I'm standing in front of the bathroom door, more than enough energy to brush my teeth for two minutes, knowing I should, knowing it's easy and fine and good for me and I need to I really need to, I still turn my head and walk into my room. I yell at the people trying to help me, I shove everyone away, and ruin my own life again and again and again and I'm never going to stop because I don't want to. I am shitty selfish person and I don't fucking care and I want to care but I just can't fucking care.
submitted by dontlookdonttell
to MentalHealthPH [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:42 LinkOfKalos_1 Is the game down?
I haven't been able to log in since about 6 pm CST. I was wondering if anyone else was experiencing the same issue? I'm on Android and have uninstalled/reinstalled the game already, contacted support, etc. Nothing seems to work??
submitted by LinkOfKalos_1
to MarvelSnap [link] [comments]