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SteelBooks for Sale
Continuing my sales thread to clean/remove my SOLD items from the listing and to move it on up the SteelBook Swaps sub-Reddit. The original thread can be found HERE (PMs and replies, along with confirmed swaps preserved for archival purposes):
https://www.reddit.com/SteelbookSwap/comments/13plyjl/us_va_h_selling_my_steelbook_collection_w_paypal/
SHIPPING COSTS WILL BE ADDITIONAL, AND BASED ON YOUR CHOICE OF SHIPPING (HAVING SAID THAT, MEDIA MAIL IS THE MOST ECONOMICAL METHOD…ADDITIONALLY, IT ALLOWS ME TO BUBBLE WRAP EACH STEELBOOK INDIVIDUALLY AND SECURELY) First off, Blufans exclusives for sale: -Captain America: The Winter Soldier Quarter Slip: $55 -Avengers Mondo Variant: $70 -Black Panther Double Lenticular Slip Edition (BE #48): $70 -Star Wars: The Last Jedi Double Lenticular Slip Edition WEA SteelBook (Blufans Exclusive #47) (3D+2D): $70 THIS SET IS STILL SEALED. -Avengers: Infinity War Double Lenticular: $80. Wide Release SteelBooks (Unless specified, J-Cards are included): Marvel Studios -Iron Man 2 (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Captain America: Civil War (Original Release, Blu-Ray and 3D Blu-Ray, No J-Card): $25 -Thor: The Dark World (Original Release, Blu-Ray and 3D Blu-Ray, No J-Card): $25 -Thor: Ragnarok (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Thor: Love and Thunder (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Avengers (Matt Ferguson Art): $20 -Avengers: Age of Ultron (Matt Ferguson Art): $20 -Avengers: Age of Ultron (Original Release, Blu-Ray and 3D Blu-Ray, Ultron Art, No J-Card): $30 -Ant-Man (Original Release, Blu-Ray and 3D Blu-Ray, No J-Card): $25 -Dr. Strange (Original Release, Blu-Ray and 3D Blu-Ray, No J-Card): $25 -Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (BestBuy 4K): $20 -Spider-Man: Homecoming (Best Buy Pop Art): $20 -Spider-Man: Homecoming (Zavvi 3D with Magnet): $20 -Black Panther (Original Release 4K): $20 -Black Panther (Second Release 4K): $20 -Black Panther (Zavvi 3D, Unopened): $20 -Avengers: Infinity War (Zavvi 3D): $25 -Captain Marvel (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Spider-Man: No Way Home (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Eternals (Best Buy 4K): $20 Other Marvel Films -Spider-Man Legacy Collection (NOT 4K): $35 -Venom: $20 -X-Men: Days of Future Past: $20 -X-Men: Apocalypse: $20 -Deadpool 2: $20 -Fantastic Four: $10 Star Wars -Star Wars: The Force Awakens (No J-Card): $20 -Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Zavvi 3D:): $20 -Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Best Buy 4K): $20 DC Expanded Universe -Batman Begins: PENDING -The Dark Knight: PENDING -The Dark Knight Rises: PENDING -Justice League (Original Release with Jim Lee Art): $20 -Wonder Woman (Original Release): $20 -Aquaman (Original Release): $20 -Birds of Prey (Split Spine…can be repaired): $10 -Wonder Woman 1984 (Best Buy 4K and 3D): $20 -The Suicide Squad (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Batman (Best Buy 4K First Release): $20 Animated DC Universe -Justice League: The New Frontier Commemorative Edition (Animated): $15 -Wonder Woman Commemorative Edition (Animated): $15 Disney/Pixar -Finding Nemo (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Finding Dory (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Good Dinosaur (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Inside Out (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Incredibles 2 (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Luca (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Toy Story 3 (Best Buy 4K): $10 (small dent on front cover) -Toy Story 4 (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Turning Red (Best Buy 4K): $20 -101 Dalmatians: $20 -Aladdin (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Big Hero 6 (Original Target Exclusive Release): $25 -Cinderella: $20 -Frozen (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Nightmare Before Christmas: $20 -The Princess and The Frog (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Ralph Breaks the Internet (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Raya and the Last Dragon (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Sleeping Beauty: $20 -Zootopia (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Aladdin (Live Action, Best Buy 4K): $20 -Beauty and the Beast (Live Action, Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Lion King (Live Action, Best Buy 4K): $20 -Maleficent (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Mary Poppins Returns (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Nutcracker and The Four Realms (Best Buy 4K): $20 -A Wrinkle in Time (Best Buy 4K): $20 “OTHER” SteelBooks -The Kingsman Collection (Best Buy 4K): $40 -Alien: Covenant (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Hunger Games: $20 -The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: $20 -The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1: $20 -The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2: $20 -The Maze Runner: $20 -The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials: $20 -Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Mission Impossible: Fallout (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Resident Evil: Retribution: $20 -Transformers: $20 -Transformers: Rise of the Fallen: $20 -Transformers: Dark of the Moon: $20 -Transformers: Age of Extinction: $20 -Transformers: The Last Knight: $20 -Zombieland: $20 -Zombieland: Double Tap: $20 -Rise of The Planet of the Apes: $20 -Dawn of The Planet of the Apes: $20 -War of The Planet of the Apes: $20 -American Sniper (Target Exclusive): $20 -Baby Driver (Zavvi Art): $20 -Blade of the Immortal (Best Buy): $20 -Bram Stoker’s Dracula (Zavvi): $10 -Bram Stoker’s Dracula 30th Anniversary Edition (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Dark Tower (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Dredd (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Dunkirk (Best Buy): $10 -Elysium (Original Target Release): $20 -The Equalizer (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Equalizer 2 (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Friday the 13th: The Killer Cut: $20 -Ghost in The Shell (Anime) (Mondo): $20 -Ghost in The Shell (Anime) (Best Buy 4K): $20 -G.I. Joe: Retaliation: $20 -Gods of Egypt (Best Buy, Blu-Ray 3D): $20 -Godzilla vs. Kong (Best Buy 4K): $25 -Gremlins (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Hacksaw Ridge (Original Target Release): $20 -Hell or High Water: $20 -Highlander (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Huntsman: Winter’s War: $20 -The Hurt Locker (Original Best Buy Release in G1/DVD sized SteelBook): $20 -Interstellar (Original Target Release): $20 -It (Best Buy 4K, Original SteelBook Release): $20 -It (Best Buy 4K, Second Release): $20 -Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (Best Buy 4K): $20 -John Wick: $20 -John Wick Chapter 2: $20 -John Wick Chapters 1 & 2 Mini Digital Movie SteelBook (No digital copy included): $15 -John Wick Chapter 3 Mini Digital Movie SteelBook (No digital copy included): $15 -John Wick Chapter 3 (Target): $20 -Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Jurassic World: Dominion (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Kill Bill Vol. One: $20 -King Kong (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Kingsman: The Secret Service (Dave Gibbons Art): $20 -Kingsman: The Golden Circle (Dave Gibbons Art): $20 -La La Land (Original Best Buy Release): $20 -La La Land (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Lost Boys (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Magnificent Seven (Best Buy): $20 -The Matrix: Resurrections (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Midway (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Midway (Target): $20 -Mortal Kombat: Two Film Collection: $20 -The Mummy (Tom Cruise, Target Release): $20 -1917 (Best Buy 4K): $20 -No Time To Die (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Pacific Rim: Uprising (Target): $20 -Passengers (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Saban’s Power Rangers: $20 -A Quiet Place (Original Release): $20 -A Quiet Place (Best Buy 4K, Mondo Art): $20 -A Quiet Place Part II (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Rampage (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Red Dawn (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Red Sparrow (Best Buy 4K): $20 -The Revenant: $20 -Saving Private Ryan (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Salt (Zavvi): $20 -Sicario (Target): $20 -Snatch (Pop Art): $10 -Snow White & The Huntsman: $20 -Spectre (Original Best Buy Release): $20 -Starship Troopers (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Star Trek Into Darkness: $20 -Sucker Punch: $20 -Terminator 2: Judgement Day (Best Buy 4K): $20 -13 Hours: $20 -Trolls (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Trolls: World Tour (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Warrior (Best Buy 4K): $20 -Whiplash (Best Buy Pop Art): $20 -Wrath of the Titans: $20 -Valerian and The City of a Thousand Planets: $20 -Avengers Assemble/Avengers: Age of Ultron (Zavvi): $20 -Thor Ragnarok (Zavvi Blu-Ray 3D, dented): $10 -Big Hero 6 (Zavvi Lenticular cover): $20 -Finding Dory (Zavvi Blu-Ray 3D): $20 -The Good Dinosaur (Zavvi Blu-Ray 3D): $20 -Alice Through The Looking Glass (Zavvi Blu-Ray 3D): $20 -The Lone Ranger (Zavvi Lenticular cover): $20 Metal/Iron Paks: -The Equalizer: $10 -Dawn of the Planet of The Apes (Original Best Buy Release, Blu-Ray 3D): $20 -Star Trek Into Darkness: $10 -Zombieland: $10

Some background: I’m currently 20 years old working on a STEM degree + planning on pursuing nursing or epidemiology. I volunteer at a hospital but I don’t work. I have a scholarship that is pretty much my “income”. I currently have a little under $12k in my bank account which comes from my scholarships/ jobs I had in high school. It’s not much, but it helps with groceries and bills.
I live with my mum and my brother(21M). My brother doesn’t work and isn’t doing well in school. He pretty much freeloads off me and my mum. My mum makes ~$2000/ month at work and gets survivors benefits at $1800/ month. HCOL. Our rent and bills are give or take $1600. My mother refuses to downsize our apartment.
This month my mum bought a car off her coworker for ~$2000, which has strained us a lot.
I always pay my mothers credit card bills for her because she’s bad with computers and ive seen the numbers go up for the most part. She also has had to pay out of pocket for ongoing medical procedures which has made her debt go up.
Here is the breakdown:
Credit Card 1: ~$9,000 (the main one she uses, expires this year) This is my biggest concern.
Credit Card 2: ~$1500 (she doesn’t touch this card) Department Store Card 1: ~$540 (not used anymore) Department Store Card 2: ~$1,640 (also not used anymore)
She usually pays $100/ month per card but because of the car she only did minimum payment this month. She has been paying Credit Card 1 for as long as I can remember… i remember writing down cheques for her in High School.
The thing is she has medical procedures coming up and we don’t know how much insurance will cover. Her (new) insurance deductible is $350 so I’m assuming that’s what she will be paying. We are also waiting for an ER bill (probably $100 with insurance).
She has less than $5k in her bank right now. Im hoping to get a job next semester to help, but I also want to focus on my classes (I suck at time management). I have about $7500 that will come in via scholarship refunds in the fall and another $6000 in the spring. I want to use some of this money to pay off her debt while still having enough for groceries, bills, and savings.
I don’t have any credit cards myself, but I feel partially responsible for my mums debt as she sometimes buys me things, and I use it to pay for groceries sometimes. I also bought a laptop 2 years ago, I paid $890 and my mum used her card to pay $510 and she said i didn’t have to pay her back.
I suck at financial stuff so I just want to know how I should approach this. I want the debt gone because my mum is always stressing about it and it also effects our relationship.

The tags for this can be budget, credit, or debt.
32m I live in the city of Toronto and am a pretty modest guy, minus the spending issues which I will describe. I know what I want to spend and need in a month, but can't help but going over budget intradaily. I'm not a high earner, sitting at $38k a year with one of the major banks, which translates to $2,200 a month.
My expenses per month are $1,000 for rent. $500 for groceries. Phone $80. Gym $80. Haircut $50. It fluctuates but that's generally the breakdown. So I have roughly $500 spending money by the end of the month.
Groceries and gym look expensive but I work on my body a lot and I'm following one of the safer and cheaper ways to bulk up, which costs a bit more. I go to one of the cheaper gyms and also one of the cheaper martial arts gyms which is where I got the total from.
The challenge I'm encountering is spending. I WFH but don't work inside my house because it wreaks havoc on my mental health. I take my work with me to a nearby coffee shop to get things done - meaning I spend $5 after tips on coffee. After work I like to walk around the city, usually resulting in me spending $5-20 more on coffees here and there. It's the small things I let slip by, like once in awhile I'll want a cool beverage, a burger, a pint, or whatever. Sometimes I go further overboard, like on weekends my buddies and I will go out to drink, I can end up spending $40-100 on drinks. This issue is especially prominent at nights because i find I have less self control then. (This is an infrequent thing)
The ease of access of me pulling out my credit card to pay for everything is troubling. My credit card is "Tap Payments" on my phone. The solution is to take it off my phone, but I've been battling this for months, because it's so simple to readd it and forget about it. I know that deep down my issue is self control, discipline, and impulse control. I have a spending problem.
In terms of work, I'm always looking for new work. My friends all have higher paying jobs and I'm looking to pick up additional jobs ex. on Taskrabbit where some of my friends are making double my salary from now. That will help pay down debts but still a lot of this mess comes from impulse control.
I have a therapist I speak to about this stuff but at the end of things it still comes down to impulse control; my therapist helps me guide my actions but ultimately is not responsible for me spending money. (I have health benefits from the bank so therapy and other things are written off)
I don't feel hopeless or like this is the end of the world, but what can I do to make my spending habits better? Has anyone gone through this? What would you recommend?

I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty Krab Careers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full [R-word censored by jobs] to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.

Hello I used to use ONE for their multiple “pockets” feature where I used to be able to label each pocket and pay specific bills. I know a lot of people have mentioned Ally in the past, but for some reason I was not able to open an account with them.
I am looking for a bank that allows multiple accounts/buckets/pockets so I can budget for my bills to be withdrawn from them.

It’s weird but I feel like each one has come out at a different point in my life. The first one I was unhappy with my job and my ex, the second I was single in my old job I hated, the third I just started dating the girl of my dreams, and now the 4th is coming out, I have my dream job and my dream girlfriend. Crazy how life works, and crazy how I can link it all back to a silly little podcast. Viva la happy hour!

Foundations of Humanity 27 (New Horizons) - an NoP fanfic
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Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish!Thank you again, u/Braquen, u/Acceptable_Egg5560, u/BiasMushroom721, and last but not least u/Liberty-Prime76 for proofreading! Also, thank you u/Frostborne for your blessing on my Gojid City name! This is my side of the Nature of a Giant crossover)!
Also Star Tours is a Disney copyright which I use in good faith and humor under fair use please don’t hurt me capitalist mouse daddy.
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Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
I watched Maeve find an open station and investigate the helmet while I asked, “Do Humans have Visor arcades?”
“Oh, absolutely! There’s an entire League for VR!” Maeve awkwardly slipped into the seat and found the controls; after a moment the seat started to adjust itself to size, the sudden movement causing Maeve to jump.
Alvi spoke up beside me, “Maeve has a book that talks about it. It talked about headsets and digital worlds like what we have, over a hundred years ago!”
“A hundred years ago?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. “Are you really saying that our tech is a hundred years behind yours with VR?”
“Eh, not exactly,” Maeve tilted her head as she thought, “with things like visors, there was an upper limit to how to design them. Most of the innovations were on how realistic the visors could make the media. We got video down pretty quickly, and surround-sound was pretty much figured out by then. We experimented with scent and that did not go well. Really most of the progress has been in processing, and you guys still have us beat on that!”
She picked up the viewing device. There were three kinds of stations with different sized helmets for each. The first she investigated were Dossur to Zurulian sized, but it only took a moment to find a Sivkit to Gojid size. “Looks like these could fit me. Can you two wait long enough to see if this works with humans?”
I flicked my ears in amusement and posed myself overdramatically. “I’m sure that I, your poor starving mate, can continue starving while you enjoy yourself.” I giggled while Alvi slapped me with her tail. “Go on, have fun! I’m also curious to see if the program would work with your eyes.”
With a look around to ensure no one was watching, Maeve switched her veil for the helmet, after only a few moments of effort. The collar thickness was adjustable to help the foam complete a clean seal against the jaw. I touched my pre-paid band to the tap pad, and the machine shifted colors to show it was occupied. The helmet was designed for snouted species, and so hung somewhat past Maeve’s chin, allowing us to see light reflected off her skin.
A screen beside her lit up with the mask, and we could see what she saw while she played. Alvi and I walked her through the tutorial and calibrator, and Maeve chose Jewels of the Federation at my suggestion; a simple walking simulator showcasing highlights of Federation homeworlds.
The simulator starts us in the same arcade, in the same booth! A well-groomed Venlil stands beside her and reminds Maeve of her private tour. Maeve ‘walks’ while still seated and lifts her virtual self from the digital booth, following the guide to a launch pad that didn’t previously exist. Alvi and I stopped in shock for a moment when a noticeably younger Captain Sovlin walked down the gangway of our destination shuttle; though judging by Maeve’s lack of reaction, she seemed not to recognize him; Alvi met my eye and pointedly flicked her ears. The simulated Gojid pilot wags their ears genially as they throw their arms wide in welcome.
“Good waking, citizen of the Federation! Star Tours has invited me to escort you on an introduction to the astounding marvels of our great peoples! Every species has made wondrous contributions to the enlightenment of the Federation, but the strayu is in the oven, so we’ll only get the time to visit your own Venlil Prime, The Cradle, and Nishtal today. Follow me and we can begin!”
Maeve followed Sovlin into the cockpit of the stylized shuttle and took the copilot seat; Maeve’s head was on a swivel and she took in everything around her. “Wow, this is so cool! Your whole helmet is a screen! Our VR is only in front of our eyes, tricking our brains into seeing three dimensionally.” Her voice echoed around the helmet, muffling her words before they could reach us..
The shuttle lifted gently and Maeve’s chair tilted back with it. Coming up, we could see that this arcade was in the Capitol, and they did a flying pass to show its glass spires and bustling spaceport. Sovlin spoke up beside Maeve, “The Venlil Homeworld is in a strategic position within the Federation, and you make your people proud by fulfilling your duty to the Herd; in spite of your weakness and timidity!!”
The shuttle started to pitch to the open center of the city, and a large park came into view. “But, as I-” Sovlin’s voice caught in his throat, before he cleared it and spoke with firm authority, “As we all know: Duty sometimes comes with Sacrifice. And we honor and remember that… sacrifice with the beautiful Cattle Memorial!”
The vines of Morning Light catch the sun, and I feel my ears fall as I remember my own family’s sacrifices. Alvi caught my distress, and curled her tail around me as the simulation continued, “Here we remember the lives lost from the ruthless barbarity of the Greys. We hope that this Shining Beacon may guide their bodies and souls back to the Herd.” The shuttle kept flying straight toward the ground, but the shuttle surroundings started to disappear as Sovlin and Maeve joined the mourners and wellwishers. The breeze played gently with unopened letters and fresh bouquets. Sovlin spoke softly, in respect for visitors, “It is open all claws, and many leave their remembrances. Make sure to show your support, next time you’re in the Capitol.”
After several moments of contemplative silence, the shuttle pulled up into the upper atmosphere, and Maeve’s seat began to shudder. I spoke up a little louder so she could hear me through the helmet, “Set your head back. The next part might make you a little queasy.”
Maeve did as bidden just before Sovlin hit the warp jump, and the screen was awash with a rainbow of colors streaking to the outer border.
We fall out of Warp just above The Cradle, its capital continent in view surrounded by great oceans, while other landmasses curve around the planet and out of sight. The camera quickly descends through the atmosphere and we pull into the great city of Vala’s Embrace, with its shining spires and sprawling seaports. We fly down through the airspace busy with cargo freighters and I see Maeve involuntary flinch after a close miss. “The Gojid are a proud and fierce people, but also industrious! Our Cradle and Colonies are a major food source for the rest of the Federation, in addition to the significant extractions performed by our colonies and outposts.”
The camera flies into the center of the city where stands a grand Cathedral to the Protector, Her robed form guiding believers to the grand entryway. “But my People are renowned for our stalwart loyalty to our faith and to the Federation. Our great houses of worship are monuments of our devotion to protecting the Herd from the Predator Menace!”
After a pass around the building highlighting its traditional stonework and heraldry, the camera joins the throng of worshippers, coming in low like a child beside their parent, and we see the full glory of The Church.
Our view pans up from the crowd to a ceiling decorated with murals of inlaid wood and metals. Vibrant colors, textures, and shining light tell the story of Vala driving out the Predators and forming the first Herd. Stained glass windows cover the congregation in pools of color almost as varied as the congregants themselves. A silver Gojid passes from behind us, towering tall with the kind eyes of one who knows their faith, and is safe in its love. They lay a paw on Maeve’s shoulder and guide her to a bench only a few rows from the front, with a seat on the aisle. The Priest stands before their podium and begins a sermon of service to the Herd, and one’s role within it.
The priest’s voice fades into the background as we fly backward out of an open window like a bird; words of Predators at our doorstep fading on the wind. We rise to re-exit the atmosphere, Maeve’s chair buzzing as the hyperdrive spins up.
We warp into a field of defensive space stations, glittering proudly in the Nishtalian Sun. Below, we see a planet with a great many islands, webbed with weaving waterways and small seas. Maeve pressed herself further into the seat as we entered their thicker atmosphere, the seat vibrations causing the helmet to rattle against it.
“And here we have the vibrant marshes of Nishtal!” We broke through the clouds to see massive arbors climbing back into them. We approached the Nishtal Capital sprawled across dozens of kilometers of archipelago, held above the water by meta-material supports.
“Nishtal is well known for its punishing environments, which helped to mold the Krakotl into Pan-Galactic Heroes! From Captain Kalsim, to Merchant Captain Malins, to Chief Exterminator Estela. Each renowned for holding the line against the predator taint, through fire or rail! And this is where their mettle was tested!”
The shuttle flies around a flat paved area, surrounded by landing pads as warships lift and land. In the center was a platoon of Krakotl performing training exercises. The shuttle again falls away as we start walking behind a Commander, Sovlin walking beside him as he speaks over his shoulder, “The Krakotl have been an instrumental force in maintaining our peaceful way of life. If you think you have what it takes, be sure to register for the JEOTC so you can help make the galaxy a better place!”
Sovlin met the eye of the Krakotl commander beside him, “Thank you for your service, Sir.”
We split off from the commander, and our walking transitioned back to our shuttle before firing off back into the sky.Through the vibrating chair, Maeve stuttered out, “M-M-Man Y-You-u-u Guys-z-z-z’re R-R-Real-l-ly into this-s-s W-W-War, huh??”
Suddenly the chair threw Maeve forward, almost unseating her as she suddenly fell out of warp, “We have Grey contacts! Time to turn tail and get out of here! I’ll stay on the guns and when I say Go, you push that throttle as hard as you can! OK…!” A Metallic handle started to glow in front of her, and Maeve reached out with her controller to grab it. It took her a moment, but Sovlin never gave the signal… Until she grabbed on. “GO!” Maeve rocked her body forward and slammed the throttle to its limiter, the seat beneath her rumbling with renewed vigor.
After only a moment, a Kolshian Capital Ship dropped from subspace in front of us and fired a volley of Everything in the direction behind us. Our ship slowed and Sovlin cheered from the pilot’s chair, “HaHa! The Vanguard has arrived! Thank you for your help gentlemen!”
A portrait feed popped up on and above the control panel, showing General Kalsim’s distinct banding on his beak. “This is General Kalsim, Commander of the Federation Vessel Inatala’s Will. Star tours, have you suffered any damage?” The portrait squawked as the General’s feathers puffed with pride.
“Negative General, thank you for the save!”
“Understood, let’s get you home, Star Tours.”
“We would be very grateful, General! Protector guides you.”
The chair beneath Maeve vibrates and tilts back as the hyper-drive charges up again, the screen flashing to show the sprawling oceans of Aafa, glittering brilliantly in the shining sun, dotted by its giant floating cities and lush tropical islands. A flock of broad chirping seabirds adorned with vibrant colors gliding on the calm ocean breeze flanking the shuttle. The capital of Aafa grew on the viewscreen, the sprawling Governance Center of the Federation dominating the city, swooping lines and a singular towering dome marked the chambers of the Federation senate.
“Isn’t that a beautiful view? This is what we fight for, this is the Cradle of the Federation, the very heart of our enlightened civilization. This is what we protect.”
The camera pans low, the shuttle falling away, sweeping along the streets of the capital.
The dome grew ever larger in the background until the camera began to soar over busy diplomats entering the senate floor, the camera like a very lost Flowerbird. Chief Nikonus was delivering an impassioned speech to the gathered representatives, declaring the grand aims and lofty goals of the Federation to spread peace and safety to all Prey peoples. The camera panned around the room, showing representatives listening to the speech with focused ears and attentive eyes, pausing on the Venlil Representative, swaying their tail in pride and determination. As the camera finished its rotation it exited through the rooms wide glass panes, rising up and over the city as the shuttle reformed once again, breaching through the atmosphere and up into the stars.
Maeve’s seat rumbled as the hyperdrive spooled again, the screen clearing to show the Capital of Venlil Prime once more, soaring down to the arcade the adventure had started in. Captain Sovlin’s voice echoed from the speakers.
“Thank you for joining me today on Star Tours! Be sure to visit your nearest Federation recruitment center today and do your part!”
With fading fanfare, the seat returned to a neutral position and Maeve took off her helmet to meet our eyes. “That… was definitely a thing. It had a lot of… uh… ho boy.”
“Yeah, uh.” I shifted my weight awkwardly, “Watching that as an adult is… Stars, I remember wanting so badly to sign up. But my mom stopped me.”
“I’ll have to thank her when we get home.” Alvi sighed with exaggerated relief.
“You and me, both.” Maeve said through a relieved chuckle, “You guys want a turn? I’d like to do something more chill; cleanse the palate.”
Alvi and I politely declined, before I offered, “Actually I wanted to show you something. I don’t know how you guys have fun, but Shipper is really good.”
I guided Maeve to the catalog and pointed out the correct one. As the game started up and Maeve got the ship moving, she snorted and muttered to herself, “Of course you have Trucking Simulator In Space. Why am I even surprised.”
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Maeve was making great progress, and had made two deliveries before the low fuel warning began trilling at her.
“Nah, see, you gotta watch your fuel too! The more you haul the more fuel you use, and you still gotta make it to your drop-off.”
“Wow, you guys do not mess around with these work simulators. We actually had a whole era of these a wh- Hey!”The screen locked up, telling us our 30 minutes were up.
“W-What does it say?”
“It says it's time to stop and get some food!”
“Ahh, man I was just getting the hang of it.”
“And I would like to get a hang of some Mel Root wedges. Come on!” Alvi chimed with a playful whine.Maeve rolled out of the station, and after a moment for her legs to remember what walking was, donned her veil and we continued to the food court. Pushing the doors open we saw a veritable swarm of Venlil of all ages, though many of the younger were already sitting while their parents fetched their meal. A child near the door caught sight of us and squeaked in surprise, alerting their parents to our presence.
Conversation died like a wave across the open expanse. Maeve stood stock still, and so did we, trying very very hard to avoid a panic and stampede.
I spoke in barely a whisper, “Maeve?”
She returned my quietness, “Yes, Valek?”
“I don’t want to do this to you, but I think it is best if we find a seat first… Then Alvi or I can get the food.” My tail began to sway in slow caution while my ears kept on a swivel.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re right. Can you see any open tables?”Alvi flicked her tail at the balcony, “I see stairs there, and the balcony looks pretty clear.”
Maeve started to nod reflexively before catching herself, then back to keeping her head low and unfocused.
Alvi and I guided her gently around the outer perimeter of the court, slowly working our way to the stairwell while all eyes and ears were locked on us the whole journey. We stepped up the stairs and conversation slowly built up again, though not to the same exuberancy as before. We found our seat just outside the stairwell on the 2nd floor. We tried to avoid scaring what few families remained on the balcony, but despite our efforts, those few almost immediately grabbed their belongings and moved. It was almost comical how little they tried to hide it. Yet also surprising in that there hadn’t been any screams or stampeding. It left a strange feeling in the air. One that felt somehow both better and worse than if they had screamed.
This tension was not lost on Maeve, as she muttered to herself, “Plague bearer, or horrific monster. Decisions, decisions.”
I took her hand in my paw in a feeble attempt to offer what comfort I could. Alvi was the first to speak, “Well, Valek you got the Gravity room and Visor game, so I’ll handle food. Anything the two of you desperately want?”
We gave her our orders and she stepped down the stairs, leaving Maeve and I alone on the balcony.
I hoped to loosen the tangle of this horrid tension. “Sooo…. Biblical?”
As I had hoped, the sudden change snapped Maeve out of her stormcloud and laughter bubbled from her like the Sun! “UUh… That’s uh. Complicated. There’s a good thousand years of linguistic context that makes that word mean what it meant the way I used it. The Bible is a book of faith for a significant portion of people on earth. Not all, and not even a majority; hell, even that is fragmented because no one can agree on what it really means. This Bible teaches a great many things, some good some bad, but one of its teachings is how to… legitimize relationships. Get married, basically.”
Maeve leaned closer to me on the off chance the balcony was less empty than we believed, “And one of the more serious ways to officiate these pairings was with sex; or ‘mating’. As this faith quickly became one of the more influential faiths on our planet, most of humanity learned and still has complicated feelings about sex and intimacy. So, we talk around it. ‘Sleeping together’ ‘Do the nasty’ ‘The beast with two backs’ and more to the point: ‘To know someone biblically’.”
“So when you said…”“I was saying I had sex with one of you, yes.”
I focused my ears in feigned shock, while my tail swished with mischief, “I was that one, right?”
Maeve lightly shoved my shoulder while she straightened to her normal posture, but I stayed low. “Hey,” I whispered, nodding my head for Maeve to come closer, and she did so. I reached my paws up to her white veil, and brought it up and over her face, revealing her brightly blooming face which my lips eagerly met. Pulling away, I asked, “Perhaps once we get back to the hotel, we could… know each other biblically?”
She pulled my face back to hers, returning my affections with equal vigor, “Only if we can get Alvi out of the room. I want you all to myself.”
Alvi. Right. She’s… she’s here. Staying with us. And we would be… kicking her out. The one she admitted feeling for would be kicking her out to mate with someone else. But she understands! Right?
“Oh, looks like Alvi got us some food!”
My ears snapped behind me as Maeve looked over my shoulder.
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Memory transcription subject: Alvi, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
I stepped lightly up the stairs while balancing the trays within my arms. There were so many options! Cresting the top of the stairs, Valek stood to assist. While I covered the menu.“Ok we got all of our favorite fruit, I know how much you love starberries, Maeve.” Who smiled broadly under her now-open veil. “I was able to get us some Sunbreeze, but most of the food stands had long waits and I was hungry, so I just got a plate of fried veg and called it good. This one is the fried Deeproot, and powdered lakeseed dough balls, and some mel root wedges. The arcade’s mel root is a little heavy on the firefruit.”
“Thank you, Alvi!” Maeve picked up one of the larger wedges and broke it in half with me. We lifted our pieces in celebration and bit down at the same time. Immediately my mouth was alight with bright heat and my lips stung blissfully, but after only a moment the sweet and full flavor of the mel root complimented perfectly with the cleansing fire.
Maeve beside me scrunched her face and gasped, “Whoo!” She hooted, “That is spicy! Mm! That potato is really good though. What do you call this?”
I wagged my tail, happy to see that she appreciated the- wait. “Potato? That’s Mel Root. What’s a Potato?”
Maeve licked her fingers before taking another wedge, “It’s a root tuber; a staple food from earth. Mel root, or, well, cooked mel root, has a really similar consistency to potato! Makes sense since they’re both roots.” She took a bite of her wedge and immediately made that same face, “Ooo that was a mistake, I should have finished talking.” a few quick breaths through her mouth before she continued, “Your mel root is denser, closer to a carrot, but still really starchy. The fry really brings out a lot of sweetness; I’ll admit, it goes really well with the firefruit. Good choice Alvi!”
The praise set my tail to wagging as I bit into my food. So spicy! So good! I am so glad we came to this food court!
Speaking of, “I haven’t seen Tarlim or his human. I hope they haven’t changed their minds on meeting here.” I spoke through a masticated root.
“Wouldn’t blame them if they did,” Valek grumbled, tail curling between his legs, “I was just like everyone who’s been running from us…” He trailed off sinking into his chair.
“You could have handled it better, but so could he.” I sighed, remembering that chair. “From what I’ve heard of those places though, I can’t say I blame him.”
Maeve set down a piece of deeproot and looked at Valek. “What are those places? You guys got really scared when he said he got out of one.”
Valek was the first to speak, “They are places where we put people who are a danger to themselves or the Herd; people with Predator Disease.”
My fur flared at the mention of my almost-diagnosis. Maeve noticed and flattened the fur along my spine, “You’re not a predator Alvi. There is nothing wrong with you.”
She says while you continue stuffing your face like a hun--SHUT UP!! I AM NOT!! I AM LOVED!! I AM IN A HERD! THAT KNOWS AND STAYS! SHUT UP!
Maeve watched Valek while she continued to comfort me “And… how does one get predator disease?”
Valek continued his lesson, while I tried desperately to slow my spinning mind.
“Well… the federation tells us it can be spread by ‘predator taint’, or spending too much time around or with predators. I’m… I’m not sure I believe that. But we know it can be inherent. Sometimes symptoms begin as early as an infant. As well, it can appear randomly or be carried within family lines.”“And how does one get diagnosed?”
I thought about when my teacher first called the Exterminators. I remembered the Exterminators coming to my foster family. They talked them down, but it wasn’t long after that that they ‘couldn't take care of me’.
My voice left my mouth unbidden, “Well those born with it… they tend to get diagnosed early, but sometimes Predator Disease can come out later in life. If someone is reported for Predator Behavior, they have a chance to argue their case to the exterminator on duty. If the exterminator confirms the case, they are taken in to be diagnosed. And if it’s a yes, they are taken to a Correctional Facility to be taught how to be in a herd.”
Valek tapped his claws against the table as his tail shook with desperate hope. “See? There’s several checks on the way to a diagnosis. The system is designed to avoid false positives. If Tarlim was diagnosed, I am sure it was with good cause.”
Maeve shook her head, “I’m not so sure. By my count, there were only two people in that chain, three if you count the person reporting it, and at best only one of them was a medical professional, unless I’m misunderstanding the concept of exterminators. Setting that aside, I think I’m missing something. What is Predator Disease?”
“It’s when someone is a Predator in the body of a Prey. We can see them when they don’t work within a herd, or they don't understand our tail signals. These people are a danger to the herd, both passively and, if left unchecked, directly, so we try to teach them how to be Prey.” Valek looked desperately at Maeve after spouting the information, almost as if by rote. Like he was quoting an exterminator textbook.
“Wait, wait… so it’s a behavioral disease? They can’t grasp body language, or other people’s feelings?” Maeve was appearing more confused, more… afraid. Was predator disease so terrible among humans? Then why would she want me around?
Because she doesn’t know, stupid! But she's about to! They never stick around once they find out!
Valek was adamant. Maeve needed to know this, I know she did. “It’s not just that, they can’t even get themselves to be part of a herd! They always sit or move with nobody around them!” but once she did…
“Well then. What would that make me?”
My eyes froze in their sockets and my legs refused to flee.
The Night called us.
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Previous Chapter Table of Contents
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Sarah's Perspective
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As I looked up at my boss, I could feel my heart racing with nervousness. No matter how much I do my job, whenever I’m asked a question, I feel like I’m back in school and didn’t do the homework. “Sarah, would you be so kind as to please explain what Dr. Shepherd’s report means in plain English,” my boss asked, bringing me back to the present moment?
I took a deep breath and looked down at the report Isaac had prepared, scanning through the pages to identify the parts my boss referred to as “not plain English.” As I flipped through the pages, I could feel my palms starting to sweat with anxiety as every pair of eyes bore down on me.
Finally, I found the section my boss referred to and started summarizing the key findings in my own words. “The object was observed for six months before reaching the heliosphere, which is the space we believe is the edge of our solar system,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. I paused, looking for the next section.
“Then, the new telescope gave us good readings and measurements on size and speed. This thing appears to be very big,” I continued.
“Approximately two weeks ago, the object completed a turning maneuver and turned on the engines to slow down. In those two weeks, we have seen a measurable reduction in speed. The transit estimate time for the entire heliosphere went from approximately four months to two years, give or take one year, due to the margin of error in our calculations,” I finished, looking up to see the other diplomats and delegates in the room staring at me with varying degrees of concern and disbelief.
“Any questions?” I asked, hoping that someone would come forward with a reassuring response and take the focus away from me.
As I finished my summary, my boss looked at me and said, “Thank you, Sarah. Why is there such a large uncertainty?” I blinked, trying to understand the question and how to answer it.
After a moment, I slowly replied, “Because we don’t know what the object will do. It might cut its engines after slowing down 1% or increase engine power and slow down further. There are many factors that could come into play, and we are still trying to understand them.”
My boss nodded, deep in thought, and then continued, “In light of the clear images we now have, we know this will be some form of first contact. We must be prepared no matter the kind of first contact. We will be relocating to Texas to better coordinate between all the teams involved, science, diplomats, military, and others.”
I couldn’t believe it. I knew we were talking about moving, but now it was happening. I couldn’t wait to call Issac and tell him the good news. I was finally going to see my kids daily, not monthly.
My boss continued, “Anyone not transferred to Texas with us will receive new assignments over the weekend and need to report to their new departments. It was a pleasure serving with you all. For those of us moving to Texas, you have two weeks off to make it there without any issues. We will have our first all-hands meeting on the Monday after two weeks. If you have any questions, please address them to your coordinators.”
As the meeting ended, I felt a sense of excitement and relief wash over me. I said my goodbyes to the few colleagues I knew were not coming with us to Texas and headed toward the front door. The thought of being closer to my children was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Once outside, I hailed a taxi and quickly gave the driver my address. I couldn’t wait to call Issac and tell him the good news. As I dialed his number, my heart raced with anticipation, but to my disappointment, he didn’t pick up. So, I decided to text him instead. I told him I had good news and asked him to call me back as soon as possible.
As we drove through the city, I pulled out my phone and looked up plane tickets to Texas. A flight was available on Tuesday morning, which would be perfect timing for me to finish everything over the weekend and turn in my keys on Monday.
The taxi dropped me off in front of my apartment building before Issac could call me back. As I walked up the stairs to my apartment, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of melancholy. The apartment was now nearly empty, with nothing but a blow-up mattress in the living room, a cheap chair I had picked up from a local store, and a single suitcase I had taken back and forth from Texas. No pictures, mementos, or personal touches would make this place feel like a home. All of that already moved, and I was here alone.
I walked to the kitchen and reheated some takeout on my only plate. As I sat down to eat with a plastic spoon, I felt a wave of gratitude. My “Bachelor Lifestyle” was finally ending, and I couldn’t wait to be reunited with my children. It was time to start fresh in Texas, and I was ready for a new beginning.
After finishing my meal, I washed the plate and decided to frame it as a bittersweet reminder of what I went through when I got home to Texas. I froze mid-wash, realizing this was precisely what Issac went through when we decided to move to New Your City. With a shudder, I resolved that I would apologize for what I had put him through.
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John Cooper, 3 months after object turned on engines.
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I spent my last day in the office at Langley poring over the latest images and reports from NASA. A sinking feeling grew in my stomach as I looked through the data. The eggheads have been geeking and writing report after report of all the wonderful and crazy things they were discovering. My job as the realist was to look at the worst-case scenario.
The images showed what appeared to be an alien craft, and the size of it was measured in thousands of miles. I prayed that the eggheads had made a mistake, that they had added a zero or two or misplaced the decimal point, but deep down, I knew that was wishful thinking. It would change everything we knew about our place in the universe if it was real.
Even more troubling were the tubes that the eggheads didn’t label as anything but suspiciously looked like launch tubes to me. They were estimated to be multiple miles in diameter. To put that into perspective, it was large enough to engulf a small Midwestern town and still have plenty of room for some cows. My mind raced as I tried to make sense of what I was seeing.
Pouring a finger of whiskey, I sat down at the computer to hammer out my last report from this office. Thankfully the eggheads have been adding “Layman’s Abstracts” as they labeled it, so my job was now to add the things their Utopian minds didn’t think of.
Still, I kinda felt offended by the label “Layman’s.” The first time I read it, I thought it said “Lame-man’s.”
As I sat there, sipping my whiskey and staring at the screen, I couldn’t help but wonder what the aliens’ ultimate goal was. Did they want to conquer us, or were they just passing through? Did they want to teach us something, or were they studying us like lab rats? And what did their presence mean for our future?
The fact that the aliens had brought about world peace was a silver lining but also a double-edged sword. It was true that no one wanted to waste bullets on each other anymore, but the new threat also had us all on edge. We were all just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I chuckled, imagining the aliens compensating with big guns for something, but I knew better. The reality was rarely that simple. The fact was were finally working together, sharing information and resources to prepare for the unknown.
Reagan was absolutely right. Nothing united humanity quite like a universal outside threat. We were shipping bullets and missiles to every country willing to build a bunker deep enough to hide it. We were basically treating explosives and ammo like candy on Halloween. And no one was complaining about budgets since there was a decent chance the banks would go away if the world ended.
Maybe?
I took a sip of my whiskey and leaned back in my chair. The idea of the aliens compensating with big guns for something still lingered in my mind. I wondered if they were as afraid of us as we were of them. Or maybe they were just being cautious. After all, they were the ones with the advanced technology.
As I finished typing up my report and printed out a few copies. As the printer spit out each document, I placed it in an envelope, sealed it with my stamp, and hand-wrote the date and time. One was for my official file. The next was for my boss. The last was for his boss.
As I walked over to my boss’s office with the two envelopes I had just sealed, I was already running through the list of things I needed to do next. This was the last time I would make this walk, at least until the next time I get stationed here. If the world doesn’t end at the next of this next assignment.
Once I arrived at my boss’s office, I knocked on the door and waited for him to call me in. As I entered, I handed him the envelope meant for him and explained that it contained my final report from Langley. I then gave him the second envelope, which was for his boss. As he took it from me, he thanked me for my work in this office and asked how my preparations for the move to Texas were going. I told him everything was in order and that I needed to pack my personal belongings and transfer my equipment.
He wished me luck and said he was sad to see me go. I said it was only sad if everything got blown to smithereens. Otherwise, we had more dances to have in the future. He nodded and ripped open one of the envelopes I delivered.
I left his office and walked out of the building to the car. All I had to do was load my single luggage case of clothing and momentous up my car and set off on the long 20 drive to Texas. Maybe longer if I got stuck in New Orleans again. In any case, I had to be there on Monday at a 9 am meeting as the new security advisor for future operations.
​
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​
Issac’s perspective
​
Eventually, I saw my wife’s missed call and text messages and called Sarah back. She told me the good news that she was being transferred full-time to Texas. And I couldn’t be happier. It had been months of her flying back and forth. The thought of her finally being here with me was comforting. The next day I called my brother and explained the situation to him. He and his friend were more than happy to help with the kids while I picked up Sarah from the airport.
I arrived at the airport early, eagerly awaiting Sarah’s plane’s landing. As soon as she stepped out of the terminal, I ran up and embraced her tightly. It felt like the world had stopped spinning, and for a moment, everything was perfect.
We returned to the house, and Sarah asked about my brother’s friend after greeting the kids. I could tell by the look on her face that she had figured out something I had missed. My brother and his friend exchanged nervous glances.
They said they’ve known each other for a while. They met at work. But then Sarah dropped the bombshell question: “How long have your brother and his friend been dating?”
My brother and his friend froze, and I felt like the world had come to a screeching halt. I had no idea that they were even dating, and it never occurred to me to ask. I felt like a complete fool for not putting two and two together. And after the initial shock, everything seemed to work out just fine. My brother and his friend seemed happy, and I was glad they had found each other.
Life was going well for me. Working with Sarah and Miles in the same building was great, and I enjoyed my job. However, the looming thought of the end of the world was always in the back of my mind. Ignoring the reports and rumors of the aliens and their intentions took a lot of work. But I tried to focus on the positive aspects of my life and not let the fear consume me.
That didn’t stop the reports pouring in, each more detailed than the last. We learned that the object was much larger than we had initially thought. And it seemed to be dumping an unbelievable amount of energy to slow down. All the instruments and measurements showed that it was slowing down at a gradual linear rate.
Five months later, I was in Miles’ office discussing the latest information packet from the Mars orbital satellites. We repositioned them to get good images of the opposite side of the object, and what we saw was both fascinating and terrifying.
The object was covered in strange symbols and markings, and as we zoomed in, we realized that they were not random. There was a pattern to them, and it was clear that they were not of human origin. There were also tubes and what appeared to be doors, hatches, windows, and hangers in various places.
Miles looked at me with a quizzical expression and asked, “What do you think, Isaac? How large do you think those doors are?”
I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. “I’m not really sure, Miles. I don’t have a point of reference to make an accurate guess. Everything would be pure speculation and useless.” I said, trying to evade the question.
Miles pushed me further, insisting that I give it a guess. I took a deep breath and said, “Well, if I had to guess, gun to the head, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were at least a mile high and 10 miles wide for the large ones. But the smaller ones were squished into little pixels, so they’re probably smaller than that.”
Miles raised his eyebrows in surprise. “That’s roughly what I was guessing as well. That’s huge,” he said, his voice trailing off as he tried to process the scale of the object we were dealing with.
I nodded in agreement. “It’s almost incomprehensible,” I said, feeling a sense of unease creeping over me as we discussed the object’s sheer size and complexity.
Obviously trying to change the subject, He asked, “Issac, do you have the data on positioning for the object. We’ve been tracking its deceleration for the past 6 months.”
“Sure thing, Miles,” I said, looking up the data on my tablet, “I have the latest data on the object’s speed and trajectory.”
Miles leaned forward, his eyebrows raised with interest. “Great, let’s see it.”
I pulled up the graph I had been working on that morning, indicating the steady deceleration the object had been experiencing. I handed the tablet to Miles, watching as he studied the information. His face looked like he was checking my math as he absorbed the information.
“What about future projections?” Miles asked, looking up from the tablet, and handing it back.
I quickly changed files and handed the tablet back to him, showing him the potential trajectory range of the object. “If it continues on this path, it will be in planetary orbital speeds to match Earth and within 10 lunar orbits of Earth,” I explained, gesturing to the graph with my hand.
Miles furrowed his brow, processing the information. “That’s closer than I was hoping for,” he said, looking back at the tablet. “That will give us a very near-earth orbit opportunity for observation and samples. Maybe even drop a rover on it.”
I nodded in agreement, feeling a sense of unease growing inside me. “Yes, it’s a bit too close for comfort for me,” I countered.
Miles looked up at me pensively and asked, “What’s the highest probability path?”
I thought for a moment, took the tablet from him, and highlighted the data and trajectory predictions, “Based on our data, there’s roughly a 10% chance that the object will be just beyond the moon when it’s in the same place.”
Miles sighed, sinking in his chair, defeated and deflated, “That might cause some problems for sample gathering, and we could lose out on many imaging possibilities.”
Sitting up straight, he took out a pad of paper. He started scribbling down some project ideas, occasionally glancing at me for my opinion. “What do you think the chances are that the object will get caught in our orbit?” Miles asked, looking up from his notepad.
I hesitated momentarily, weighing my words carefully, “It’s not impossible. I’d say it’s a decent chance, but we have to be very careful with any attempts to capture it. If we get it wrong, it could crash into Earth and cause a mass extinction worse than the one that killed the dinosaurs.”
​
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The following is an expert from the Blog The Illuminati Insider
​
Greetings, fellow truth-seekers. It is I, the Illuminati Insider, here to share with you some exclusive information that will blow your minds and shake the very foundation of your beliefs.
My fellow conspirators, listen closely to the words I am about to say. I have uncovered some information that will make your hairs stand on end and your blood run cold. The craft we’ve been tracking for the past 6 months is not what we thought it was. It’s not some puny little thing that will fizzle out before it gets close to our planet. Oh no, my friends. This craft is as big as the continental United States, and it has cannons the size of cities.
I can hear you gasping in disbelief, but I assure you, this is not a drill. The object we have been tracking is not of this world. It’s a behemoth, a juggernaut, a beast that could obliterate our planet in a matter of minutes. This is not going to be a peaceful meeting, mark my words. We are in the midst of the war of the worlds.
We must prepare ourselves for the fight of our lives, my dear comrades. We must gather our resources, our weapons, our courage, and our faith, for we are about to face the ultimate challenge. This is not a time for hesitation, for second-guessing, for doubting. We must act, and we must act fast.
I know some of you might think that this is just another conspiracy theory, that I am just some lunatic spouting off nonsense. But I assure you, I have seen the evidence with my own eyes. I have talked to insiders, whistleblowers, and other brave souls who have risked everything to bring us this information.
We are not alone in this fight, my friends. We have each other, and we have the power of knowledge. We know what’s coming, and we can prepare ourselves accordingly. We can join forces, share our resources, and strategize our attack. We can fight this beast with all our might, and emerge victorious.
So, my fellow Illuminati insiders, let us not waste another moment. Let us band together and prepare for the war of the worlds. Let us show this alien force that we will not be taken down without a fight. Let us be brave, let us be fierce, let us be victorious.
So, my friends, stay vigilant, stay alert, and stay strong. We are in this together, and together we will prevail. Let’s show the world what we are made of.
Yours truly,
The Illuminati Insider
​
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The following is an excerpt from the blog GalacticGuru.net
​
Welcome, fellow seekers of truth and knowledge. This is the Galactic Guru, and I am here to share with you some important information that could save your life and the lives of your loved ones.
As we have been tracking the strange craft that has been approaching our planet, it has become clear that this is no ordinary visitation. This is an invasion, my friends, and we must be prepared for the worst.
We have reason to believe that the aliens who are approaching our planet are not friendly. They are not here to make peace, to share knowledge or technology, or to be our friends. They are here to conquer us, to destroy us, to take over our planet, and to enslave our people.
We must not take this threat lightly, my fellow galactic warriors. We must be ready to defend ourselves, our families, and our way of life. We must stockpile weapons, ammunition, food, and seeds, and antibiotics to prepare for the coming invasion.
I urge you all to take action now, before it’s too late. Gather your resources, arm yourselves, and prepare for the worst-case scenario. We must be ready to fight for our survival, for our freedom, and for our future.
We must also remember that we are not alone in this fight. There are other like-minded individuals out there who are also preparing for the coming invasion. We must join forces, share our resources, and strategize our attack. Together, we can fight this alien force with all our might and emerge victorious.
We must also remember that knowledge is power. We must stay informed, stay vigilant, and stay aware of any new developments in this alien invasion. We must be ready to adapt to any situation, and we must be prepared to make sacrifices for the greater good.
So, my fellow warriors, let us not waste another moment. Let us prepare ourselves for the coming invasion, and let us fight for our survival. We can do this, my friends. We are strong, we are brave, and we are united. Together, we will defeat the alien invaders and protect our planet from harm.
Stay strong, stay vigilant, and stay prepared. The Galactic Guru is with you, always. And to get 20% off your next order please use our promo code. We will even give you free shipping if you do.
The following was left as a comment and promptly removed from the blog post above.
The GalacticGuru.net has always been a source of knowledge and information for those who seek to uncover the truth about the mysteries of the universe. However, I cannot help but feel angry at the recent post about the impending alien invasion and the need to stockpile weapons, ammo, food, seeds, and antibiotics.
While the post may seem like a call to action for those who want to protect themselves and their families, it is also a blatant attempt to profit from people’s fears and anxieties. It is an exploitation of an emergency situation to make money off the backs of those who are genuinely concerned about the future of our planet.
Moreover, the post fails to address the elephant in the room. The elites, the ones who are truly in power, are not concerned about the impending invasion. They have already made arrangements to join their alien overlords and sell us all out.
While the common people are being urged to stockpile weapons and food, the elites are secretly building their spaceships and packing their bags to leave the planet. They have no intention of fighting for our survival or protecting our way of life. They are only concerned about their own interests.
It is time for us to wake up and realize that we are being manipulated by those in power. We must not fall prey to fear-mongering and conspiracy theories that only serve to divide us and distract us from the real issues at hand.
Instead, we must come together, unite as a people, and demand that our leaders take responsibility for their actions. We must demand transparency, accountability, and a plan of action that truly puts the interests of the people first.
The GalacticGuru.net should be ashamed of itself for using an emergency situation to make money. It is time for us to hold them accountable and demand that they use their platform to promote truth, not fear, and to stand up for the common people, not the elites.
​
​
Previous Chapter Table of Contents

Since these stats are very easily visible, I figured people would be interested in seeing how we stacked up and how various players on the team performed in their main roles.

LaVine:

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Play Type	Frequency	Points Per Possession	FT Frequency	Turnover Frequency	Score Frequency	Percentile
PnR Ball Handler	35.5%	0.93	10.4%	11.2%	42.2%	65.8
Transition	19.8%	1.24	19.3%	10.3%	58.3%	72.7
Spot Up	16.9%	1.22	9.8%	9.1%	49.8%	88.5
Isolation	12.5%	1.09	14%	9.5%	48.9%	83.1

This covers about 85% of the plays where LaVine is on the floor. He's significantly better off-ball than on it when looking at points per possession and the team struggles with him triggering the offense. The points per possession is lower than DeRozan's in the same spot and the turnover frequency is higher. Funnily enough this is still the 66th percentile basically so it shows how ineffective the standard PnR is in the modern NBA if you're basically anyone but Denver or Philly with an elite roll man.
Zach is at his best in transition or as a spot up shooter, which I think a lot of people would've guessed. As an isolation player, he generated below league average (1.14 points per possession) on average.
Some stats that were surprising to me were that LaVine only cuts on 1.6% of plays. In those limited numbers, he scored 1.66 points per possession. Another point of interest was that with Zach as the Roll Man in a PnR, the team scored 1.33 PPP showing that the DeRozan-LaVine screens we saw in 2021-2022 were still very effective and should've been utilized more than 0.7% of the time.
What I will also say is these are stats from the year in it's entirety so take what you will with a grain of salt...especially the ones that are borderline.

DeRozan:

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Play Type	Frequency	Points Per Possession	FT Frequency	Turnover Frequency	Score Frequency	Percentile
PnR Ballhandler	41.9%	1.06	14%	10.4%	51.9%	89.2
Isolation	15.8%	1.15	26.9%	6.1%	56.1%	88.2
Spot Up	14.6%	0.94	8.6%	6.1%	39.8%	33.5
Post Up	8.3%	1.33	28.8%	5%	64%	97.6
Transition	8.1%	1.19	19.3%	11.1%	58.5%	62.8

These play types make up DeRozan's role in 88.7% of the plays he's on the floor. Again, the frequency of PnR's gets shown here with 41.9% of the plays where DeRozan is on the floor, he is triggering a PnR. Considering him and LaVine share significant minutes, their combined frequency is impressive to say the least.
Our offense runs significantly better with DeRozan as a PnR ballhandler than LaVine. The ball is scored more and turnovers are less frequent.Isolation plays also perform better with DeRozan.
He performs well (but slightly worse than Zach) in transition, but the team struggles in plays where he's a spot up shooter. I would wager a good percentage of these plays have Zach as the PnR ball handler and would assume the decrease in production is down to a combination of Zach being worse at initiating the offense as well as DeRozan not being a strong off-ball threat.
Demar cuts on 1.4% of plays and scores 1.52 PPP. Both him and Zach are above the 90th percentile in these plays. The high scoring rate probably comes down to the system not being conducive to cuts, so they're both only cutting when they're extremely confident they have their defender beat.
Demar's post game is fantastic and the stats reflect that. The only other outliers I saw that were interesting compared to LaVine/Vucevic is just how much higher his Free throw rate is than the other players on the team.

Vucevic:

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Play Type	Frequency	Points Per Possession	FT Frequency	Turnover Frequency	Score Frequency	Percentile
PnR Roll Man	28.5%	1.09	4.9%	6.7%	50.3%	43.8
Post Up	20.8%	1.05	10%	9.6%	53%	68.3
Spot Up	17.8%	1.05	3.3%	5.4%	39.4%	58.5
Cut	9.1%	1.39	8.1%	8.1%	68.3%	69.3
Transition	7.8%	1.12	2.8%	3.8%	45.3%	50.5
Put Back	7%	1.19	9%	7.4%	60%	61.9

These stats cover Vucevic's role in 91% of the plays that occur when he's on the floor. Percentile wise, his best areas are post-ups and cutting, but it really shows how ineffective a post-centric center is in the modern NBA in my opinion.
In Vucevic post ups, the team outputs 1.05 points per possession, which is significantly below the average 1.14 and Vucevic is in the 68th percentile in these plays. To me, it just seems like he's a solid post player, but these plays are not inherently very effective.
He cuts more frequently than DemaZach, but is marginally less effective, but I would argue that such a significant increase in frequency more than makes up for the decreased PPP. The whole team should be cutting more.
As a PnR roll man, Vucevic performs worse than Drummond (1.13 PPP) from a season stats perspective, but things like lineup matter a lot here so I'm not going to make any damning judgements. Depending on rotations, the ball handler could be different and that changes things significantly.

Just Some Other Play Types I Saw That Were Interesting:

27.8% of the possessions where Drummond is on the floor are put backs. That's insane volume and shows how great of a rebounder he is. They result in 0.97 PPP (28th percentile) so it also shows that he's really good at getting the ball and going back up, but not very good percentage-wise at getting it into the hoop afterwards. Those plays where it takes him 2-3 attempts to put it back definitely hurt this stat so it's probably a little better than it appears in result.
17.7% of plays Coby is on the floor he's initiating a PnR and they result in 0.89 PPP (53rd percentile). 43.1% of the plays Coby is on the floor, he functions as a spot up shooter and these plays result in 1.18 PPP (83rd percentile). The team functions better with Coby on the floor as an off-ball threat who is ready to pull the trigger.
15% of plays where Ayo is on the floor have him initiating a PnR. They result in 0.83 PPP (40th percentile). In the previous year they resulted in 0.93 PPP (74th percentile).
Pat performs well as a cutter 1.36 PPP but cuts on 7.4% of plays. In 44.6% of plays he functions as a spot up shooter and they result in 1.05 PPP. He has very few post up plays (about 1 possession in every 5 games), but they result in 1.11 PPP (80th percentile). This is a positive change from last year (and his rookie season), where his post game was nonexistent.
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Well that's it, take what you want from them. Stats were obtained from here if you would like to see anything for yourself.

i don’t know why some SB’s think we have to be generous with our money on the first date or we aren’t worthy of their time? isn’t that manipulating? an SB/SD relationship is supposed to be mutually beneficial with trust and respect. how are SB's showing us any respect by basically saying we aren't worth meeting unless we are spending cash? that’s literally wild. we shouldn’t care about their stupid expectations. I'm not an ATM. so that would mean I'd be valuable for my time and company, first right? so then I SHOULDN’T pay like it’s a service. plus it’s not really my issue that you may have been scammed before. you shouldn’t use us for money, it’s insulting.
we’re worth more than that. we shouldn’t have to feel forced into paying them just to keep their attention. a true sugar baby who respects her sugar daddy, would never be selfish like that. we’re not a bank so why are they treating us like we are? this isn’t just about what they think they deserve. this is about doing the right thing. the right thing is not practically giving an ultimatum. what if I really like you but you won’t give me more time because all y’all care about is getting your purses padded?
the relationship shouldn’t have to begin after money! our time is valuable from the start. and when she is actually ready to be intimate, then she can receive the allowance. and best of all, it wouldn’t be forced or faked. that’s how you build trust. they could be giving up the chance to get to know someone really special just because they couldn’t wait to get paid? please do better.
but i know there’s still good SBs out there, every single one of you guys deserve one