Enfamil gentlease ready to feed formula

first time pet owner here, i rescued my kitten a month ago, she was 3 weeks old. i had her on formula for a while and have transitioned to wet food. i feed her purina one kitten salmon and chicken pate and she loves it. i give her one 3 oz can a day between 3 meals. she always loudly meows whenever anyone walks by the kitchen (where she’s fed) so it has me worried that she might need to eat more. she has had her dewormer from her first pet visit for context.

She literally too old to be eating how she’s eating ! Who puts hot sauce on Vienna sausage ? She already put loads of hot sauce in her noodles , & then she opened a bag of chips . I just know she have HBP! She’s so damn greedy & hoggish, but wanna feed that baby only “purée” at 9 months, like please , that baby is ready for real food such as fruits , vegetables & healthy home cooked meals , she always have so many excuses on why she don’t wanna give that baby food

A special thanks to u/bluefishcake for the wonderful original story and sandbox to play in.
A special thanks to my editors LordHenry7898, RandomTinkerer, Swimming_Good_8507, CatsInTrenchcoats, and KLiCKonthat.
And a big thanks to the authors and their stories that inspired me to tell my own in this universe. RandomTinkerer (City Slickers and Hayseeds), Punnynfunny (Denied Operations), CompassWithHat (Top Lasgun), CarCU131 (The Cook), and Rhion-618 (Just One Drop)
Hy’shq’e Ay Si’am (Thank you noble friends)
Chapter 30: A Promise Kept
Kalai stepped off the shuttle to the Vaida’s headquarters and into a running tackle-hug from Sitry. “Oh Kalai, I could kill you right now! You got to see the Great Barrier Reef in person, you bitch!” Sitry’s cheerful voice was muffled from where she was still buried in her chest. Kalai staggered backwards a pace or two, happy to be back from her whirlwind adventure around Earth with her father.
Naranjo and Papa Rhaxiid were there on the platform to welcome her back too, but their welcomes were more sedate.
“Not to mention you got out of work for half our damn trip. Ugh, it’s so not fair!” Naranjo huffed as Kalai gave him a sisterly hug.
Papa Rhaxiid reached up and chucked her chin before turning to lead the way back inside from the forested platform. “Welcome back, sweet-sprout, we’ve missed you. Come on, we’ll get you settled again and off to work. There’s quite a bit you need to catch up on if you want your credits.”
The chuckles from the twins behind her were full of sibling malice, but she knew how to shut the pair of them up. “Papa Rhaxiid? I’ve got the paper on Biodiversity in the Reef you asked for, along with the dissection report and stomach content analysis of the tuna we caught. I want to put the finishing touches on it and do a final proofread first before I send them to you.” The man turned and gave her a warm smile as they entered the building.
“Good, why don’t you go take your things back up and say hello to Andy? I’ll give you an hour and a half to get freshened up, then I want you to report to Aquarium 12 with Dr. Sor’ansa. You can put your snorkeling practice to work there.” Papa Rhaxiid walked the three of them to the residential elevator. “I’m heading back to my office. Andy’s been requested by Maetro Pae’ella to work the kitchens for something called ‘Bison burgers'. Apparently it’s a type of indigenous bovine that the eastern Bands raise. That and something from Europe called ‘French Fries’.”
Kalai couldn’t help but get excited as she and her siblings piled into the elevator back to their little shared apartment. Sure the food she’d had all over the place was good, but so far nothing had been able to compare to Andy and his Salishian cooking.
“Nerd, I can’t believe you cheated and did work on your vacation." Naranjo broke the silence of the elevator after a little bit and stuck his tongue out at her.
“Spit to windward, you vain little weed. Don’t hate me because I’m awesome.” Kalai’s riposte caused Naranjo to fold his arms and huff. Sitry simply ambushed her with an ear flick.
The elevator door opened to their floor before Kalai couldn’t bear the silence from Sitry any longer. “So, did you bag him yet, you lucky bitch?”
“No she hasn’t!” Naranjo’s singsong mockery of his sister interrupted Sitry’s response. “Papa hasn’t let Sitry even NEAR Andy without one of them around!”
“Rub it in, you snitch, besides, he did kiss me first,” Sitry preened happily as she playfully shoved Kalai’s shoulder.
Kalai pretended to stumble and almost caught Sitry’s foot, but she was just a hair too slow. “Yeah, and then you gave him a black eye, you clod.”
“Will you let it go? It was an accident!”
“It’s not even the only one he got either." Naranjo’s interjection stopped her right in front of their door.
“Wait, what? Who hurt him this time?” Kalai let her bag thunk to the floor as she turned to look accusingly between Sitry and Narny.
Sitry folded her arms and her ears twitched back as she shot a dark look at their door. “He ‘fell down’ yesterday while out at one of the Hatcheries we gave to the Hwatcoms. Mrs. Toloui nearly had a fit! She said she could smell another human on him and that he was covered in blood!”
Narny nodded primly as Kalai tried to process what they were telling her. “WHAT? Did she call out the militia? Track down whoever hurt him?”
“No, and he refused treatment and insisted that no one did it to him! When papa tried to talk to him, Andy said some stupid human macho shit about pain healing and birds liking scars. I don’t know, sometimes humans… they’re frickin’ insane!”
The door shot open and there stood Andy. His left eye was an angry puffy yellow and blue mess, and there were three points on his lips where a dark cinnabar line marked a crack. Kalai and her siblings stood in wide eyed shock at his sudden appearance and the only sound was the music emanating from the common room behind him.
Andy looked up and down at the three without saying a word. He cocked an eyebrow and snagged Kalai’s bag before any of them could react and cleared the doorway for them.
Kalai sputtered at the impropriety but Naranjo and Sitry just shrugged and walked in after Andy. “Femboys, am I right?” Narny whispered to Kalai as he passed. Kalai followed behind and was greeted by the white fluff-ball, Puck, who hopped up and down, whining for attention. She bent down and started scratching his ears and back. While Puck rubbed up against her hands, Andy settled back down at the table where his omnipad was hooked up to a keypad. Her heart started to sink a bit and Kalai shot Sitry a jealous look before the music came to a sudden halt and Andy interrupted the beginnings of her pity party.
“Ok, Kem’ira, I got the pics now and I’m telling you to declare yourself to the farmers first! I guarantee if you tell them you’re with the new DNR and you’re there to kill all the Scotch Broom in their pasture lands, they’ll stop trying to shoot you for trespassing!”
Kalai’s mood jumped up a bit. It’s not that he doesn’t care to see me, he’s in a meeting!
“No, no I’m not coming out to talk this over with them, I’ve got my own work to do! Either you start talking to folks like I showed you how, or ask the militia to give you one of their armored catsuits to wear under your uniform… Uh-huh, good luck." Andy hung up on the call and leaned back as Puck scampered over and hopped up in his lap.
Andy rubbed his temples before shaking his head. He seemed to relax a bit and Puck slid off to follow Sitry to the kitchen. Andy looked over and gave Kalai a happy smile that made her flush. “Welcome back! So how was the land down under? That tuna was fan-frickin’-tastic, if you aren’t sick of seafood I’ll do something fancy with it tomorrow to celebrate your coming back. Can’t tonight though, I got volun-told to be head chef tonight and I… Oh damnit! I’m late! Come to dinner, burgers and fries Indian style tonight. Gotta run!” With that, Andy went dashing out the door with Puck barking and scrambling along after him.
Kalai felt her heart sink back down again, as he left. “Andy I-” She started but he was gone.
“Yeah, it’s been like that for the whole week. The only time we get to hang out is dinner.” Sitry commiserated as she took Kalai’s bag into their room. “On the other hand, we might get to catch up during the family meal tonight.”
The dinner was delicious, though a bit weird. It tasted alright, but there was a certain aftertaste on the sandwich that just didn’t sit right with Kalai. She just couldn’t put her finger on it. The french fries more than made up for it though, and Mama Sakalbi had to hold a science trivia contest to see who got the last little handful.
Kalai and Narny were already silently plotting with each other for their revenge against their sister who had won and refused to share the last few matchsticks when Andy finally joined their table. He was sweaty and he smelled of woodsmoke and french fries. Kalai jumped up and offered him a seat next to her with a nervous smile. He took it gratefully and seemed to sag a bit as he gulped down a glass of water.
“Andy, I think you may be finding your calling as a culinary ambassador,” Mama Aftasia beamed. “A toast to the chef!”
Andy gave a shy smile and looked down as Kalai and the rest of the family gave a hearty ‘Here, here!”
“It’s a simple enough recipe; it’s just using bison instead of cow, that’s all, and I don’t know anyone who’d turn down hand cut fresh fries. It’s kind of hard to screw up.”
“Young man, you are speaking to a woman who found a way to take cold water and dried wumpa flakes and wind up with a Class-4 fire. Cooking has always seemed like ‘blight mysticism’ to me, and these foods? These flavors? Nothing short of a Greenwood miracle in my opinion." Mama Aftasia continued her praise of Andy, which only caused him to shrink even lower in his seat.
“To be honest, I like your salmon better,” Kalai said, and the whole table went silent. Kalai held her ground though, and was rewarded with a tired but genuine laugh from Andy that brought him back out of his shell.
“You know, I do too. My Clan were fisherpeople, not buffalo chasers.” Andy gave Kalai a cheeky grin, which she returned happily, her heart glowing. Mama Aftasia and Mama Sakalbi both blinked in bemusement at Andy’s statement while Sitry just giggled.
“Speaking of which, Andy, I received a call from Elder Alex Hwatcom.” Papa Rhaxiid’s change of subject instantly perked Andy up, and he stared silently, waiting. “He extended an invitation to our family to attend his family gathering this Friday-”
“Alex said that? He used those words?” Andy shook his head in shock as he interrupted Papa Rhaxiid. The table went quiet and everyone held their breath as they looked between the two men.
Papa Rhaxiid adopted as good an impression of the human Elder as he could. “I’d like to extend an invitation for you and your family to be guests at our family gathering this saturday up at the White… something… lodge-”
“The White Ram Lodge?” Andy sat forward, interjecting again as the color drained from his face.
“Yes, that’s the one! I asked if we could bring anything since the last time they hosted us they put on that wonderful spread. He said if we could bring a few salmon for the family, that would be wonderful.”
Andy leaned back and took another sip of ice water before holding the glass to his blackened eye. “Alex Hwatcom… just invited you… to a gathering… and he told you to ‘bring a few salmon’? Do you realize what a huge honor this is?”
Rhaxiid looked from his wives to his children with mild concern. “Um, I thought it was only dinner, but your reaction tells me there’s more significance to this than I originally thought. I was thinking about our stocks of adult Sockeye, but then I remembered in his story how important King Salmon are. Of course, I’d like to defer to you for the choice since you know these animals and the cultural expectations with this invitation better than we do.”
Andy was silent for a moment before he put the glass down. “I’d recommend a ‘hard no’ to all your clone stock!” Now it was the Vaidas’ turn to be shocked, as each of Kalai’s Erbian family’s jaws dropped in synch. Before anyone could say anything, Andy continued, “You need to bring wild-caught. Farm-raised salmon wouldn’t… well we can tell, and you can taste the difference between them. We need to go fishing!” Kalai leaned towards Andy slightly as he lowered his head and started mumbling to himself. She was just able to make out what he was saying to himself as Mama Sakalbi and Mama Aftasia began whispering to each other. “...need to get the Gillnetter out of storage, check what’s running and select the mesh. I’m gonna need a deckhand too.”
Kalai reached a hand out but stopped short of touching him. “Andy?”
He popped up and spoke for the whole table to hear. “I need a shuttle to the mainland and a waiver against the fishing ban. I’ve got to get my boat and the drum ready for sea ” Rhaxiid and Aftasia sputtered in confusion, but Mama Sakalbi had a shadow fall over her, and her ears pulled back.
“Do you mean to say you want to go out on the water? Risk the ecological balance for… dinner?”
Andy looked Sakalbi dead in the eye and gave her a firm nod. “Why don’t you come out and see how we did this before you got here. Think of it as a chance to see the way we’ve fished for the last hundred or so years, and then I can explain the way we used to fish before that.”
The offer snapped Rhaxiid out of his confusion and he brightened. “A learning experience? Wonderful, we’ll make a day of it!” His hands shot out to grab both his wives’ and Kalai could feel the vibrations in the floor from where he was excitedly tapping his feet.
“If you don’t mind hard, smelly work. Uncle Willy always called it ‘the worst desk in the prettiest office.' It’ll be a bit cramped, but I’ve got room on the boat for a few guests and observers; four I think would be ok. She’s a working boat, not a pleasure cruiser,” Andy explained. That sent the whole lot of them excitedly talking among themselves.
Kalai was about to lean in to talk to Mama Aftasia, but Andy caught her attention first. “I don’t suppose you’d want to go back out on the water, given you just got back from pleasure-boating-”
Kalai’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest. “I wouldn’t miss it for my own colony planet!”
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Kalai stood on the pier, bundled in her thermal sailor’s coat. It was still dark and the wind blew from the north in a cold little morning breeze. Kalai took a deep breath and reveled in the smell of the fresh sea air. The soft chattering of Mama Sakalbi’s teeth broke the silence. “It’s a bit chillier than it said it was going to be.”
“The water always does that. It’s never as warm as the lubbers say it’ll be,” Papa spoke as he handed her back her thermos of hot chocolate.
Papa stood next to Kalai and nudged her with his elbow. Even in the dark, Kalai could see him smile up at her and jerk his head at the shivering Erbian. He was also wearing a thermal sailor’s coat, and his hands were stuffed in his pockets to keep them warm, just like Kalai’s. “Landswoman,” he whispered to her and the two of them shared a knowing smile. It was strange, but welcome when she'd told Papa about her upcoming day fishing with Andy, and he’d politely requested to join them. Papa Rhaxiid had graciously given his spot up to accommodate her birth father. Narny was all for it until Andy had explained what they were going to do, but then surrendered his challenge to the fourth guest space, not wanting to go anywhere NEAR anything that could see him come face to face with a Lion’s Mane Jelly. Sitry had done a happy little dance when she found out, but only yesterday had come down with Thistle Fever, and was bundled off to bed by her parents. It left Kalai, Mama Sakalbi, and Papa to accompany Andy on his fishing trip.
The water brushed against the shore behind them quietly. In the gloom, Kalai could just barely make out the outline of the nearest island mountain, but only because the stars had disappeared behind it. It was almost four in the morning, but Kalai had managed a catnap on the shuttle to the empty little lot that had been the boat launch. Aside from the water, the world was silent. Even the breeze made almost no noise and a sense of peace surrounded them. Everything was so calm, Kalai felt like she didn’t have a care in the world.
In the distance, a low rumbling sound of a motor rose from being almost imperceptible to a rolling drum of thunder. From around the point, two green floating lights sped through the darkness, and a spotlight turned on. The beam of light moved jerkily until it came to rest on the pier where they were standing and Kalai started waving her arms. Sakalbi’s omnipad rang, and Andy’s voice shouted over the speaker and the background noise for them to shine a light on the edge of the pier to help him park the boat.
Kalai and Papa moved closer and turned their omnipad flashlights on and waved them as the boat swung gracefully around and glided in alongside them. Kalai caught the rope that flew over the railing of the boat and she heard more than saw Andy moving around on the deck as she tied off on one of the mooring cleats. Several lights clicked on and the deck was bathed in light enough for Kalai to get a clear view of the boat they’d be spending the day on.
Andy hadn’t lied. Kalai saw that this little vessel was a working boat with no frills at all. When he’d told her they’d be going fishing, she’d envisioned something like the charter boat papa had taken her on out of Nantucket. Sporty, fast with a nod to comfort and function. This was not that at all. A giant wheel as wide as Kalai’s outstretched arms that looked like a sideways spool of thread was secured to the deck amidships and dominated the deckspace. Wrapped around it was a fluorescent green tangle with a line of oblong white and yellow corks and rope. There was a covered hatchway sitting behind the drum in front of the raised step to the enclosed cabin. Two large windows let the light out to two children’s bunks, a little table with a booth seat and a raised captain’s chair in front of the helm and engine controls. Andy shut down the engine and that peaceful stillness returned.
“Oway there!” Kalai called, “ship oway! Request permission to come aboard.” Kalai gave the traditional greeting of a Shil’vati sailor.
“Permission granted! Anyone need a stepstool?” Andy finally stepped into the light and Kalai got a look at him. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and the same bright orange coveralls she’d seen the fishmongers wearing on their date.
“I wouldn’t mind a hand, Mr. Shelokset.” Papa He’osforos braced a foot on the railing of the boat and Andy pulled him up.
“Just call me Andy, Doc, and welcome aboard. Jackie should be along any minute now with the day’s groceries, and the cabin’s out of the cold. You can get yourself set wherever you find comfortable.” Papa nodded and disappeared around the other side of the wheel moving towards the bow.
Kalai helped Mama Sakalbi into the boat next, and she quickly ducked into the cabin that took up the entire stern section save for a little ledge that ran along the outside. Andy gripped Kalai’s hand and she smiled as he pulled her deftly aboard. The boat rocked a little on its mooring, and Kalai almost fell into Andy, who wordlessly put his arms around her waist to catch her as she lost her balance. She flailed for a moment before she steadied herself against him.
“Gotcha,” Andy smiled, and Kalai could see him flush almost as much as she could feel herself doing as their noses almost touched. Those big dark brown eyes surrounded by white orbs drew her in and she felt she could lose herself in them. Kalai started as Andy danced her around him and moved her towards the cabin door.
“It might be a little cramped for you in there, but the Mary Jean wasn’t built for pleasure boating, she’s a working girl. Sit tight, I gotta check a few things in the back.” Andy patted the railing affectionately before he hopped up and scooted along the outside of the cabin towards the stern. Kalai couldn’t help the little longing groan that came out as he left her there on the little tiny quarterdeck. Her heart was hammering in her chest as half formed fantasies danced at the edges of her mind.
“I saw that, little minnow.” Papa’s voice was soft, but his tone and the sudden broken silence nearly gave her a heart attack.
Kalai could only stammer as her father stared at her with a cocked eyebrow. A thump from the cabin window behind saw an amused Mama Sakalbi daintily sipping at her thermos with her ears twitched forward in interest, staring out at her. “Papa I… he-”
Papa moved carefully around the covered hatchway to stand next to her, leaning back against the cabin window and heaved a sigh. “I must say I’m surprised. This lovely man’s got good clean lines and is very well cared for. It speaks well of his Skipper.”
It took a full minute for Kalai’s brain to process that he was talking about the boat and not Andy. “And the way Andy brought him in smooth in near complete darkness? It gives me confidence in his abilities.”
Kalai breathed a silent sigh of relief and exasperation. Although she was happy to be spending more time with her father, bringing him on what she’d hoped would be a sailing date wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind for ‘family time’. He wants me to find a nice young man and spend time with him on a boat, but the first chance I get Papa decides to clam-jam me.
From up on shore, the sound and lights of a large human vehicle screeching to a halt heralded the last of their party to arrive. Kalai heard the clomping footsteps coming down the pier and moved to the railing to lend a hand.
“Ahoy Mary Jean! Raggedy Andy, you there?” Kalai stared with wide eyed surprise to see a human female, loaded down with plastic bags and sporting two human weapons on her shoulder. The two of them locked eyes, and while Kalai didn’t understand everything the girl shouted in surprise, she had caught and understood the phrase, “What the fuck?”
“Easy now, they’re my guests, and the one inside is the boss!” Andy appeared on the pier instantly before either Kalai or the woman could react further.
“Ya didn’t tell me we were having pur-” The woman glared at Kalai and her father. She had switched to Vatikre thankfully, but her tone was hostile as she dropped everything but her weapons. “I mean, hwun’eetums, aboard. A gal could get the wrong idea pretty quick in the dark when there’s no warning.”
“Knock it off Jackie. Let’s get the grub aboard and shove off.” Andy picked up some of the bags and took the guns as Kalai offered a helping hand over the railing. “Oh, Kalai, this is Jackie. Jackie? Kalai. That’s her dad over there, Doc He’osforos. He saw and treated Kay Tee a few years back.” Andy jerked his head towards the direction of Kalai’s father as she held out a hand to the human girl. On a quick inspection, she appeared to be about the same age as her and Andy. She had a round face and was about as dark complected as Andy was. She was shorter, only a few inches taller than Papa, but when Jackie grabbed Kalai’s hand to hop up onto the rail, she could feel the strength and the compact muscle hidden by the baggy sweatshirt and pants.
“Wait a minute, did you say Mini-Me over there saw Kay Tee? You’re fuckin’ with me!” Jackie stumbled a bit as she hopped down onto the deck with a loud thunk and advanced on Papa who shrank away at her advance. “You saw li’l Kay Tee? Where the fuck is he? Is he alright? Is he still fighting the good fight?”
“Last I saw, yes, he was ‘fighting the good fight.’” Papa looked over at Andy with a slightly worried expression. Andy smacked the girl in the back of the head, causing her to flinch and she opened the door to the cabin for Andy to go inside.
Jackie rubbed the back of her head and laughed. “Well that’s a little bit of alright, innit? Maybe today’s gonna be a good day after all!”
“Jackie, get suited up and get on the bow. I need a good pair of eyes on the roller horns,” Kalai heard Andy shout from the cabin, followed by a whole lot of thumping and banging from cabinets being opened and closed.
“You got it, ol’ man. We going to your place or mine?” Jackie sidestepped in and opened a tiny little closet and pulled out a set of rain gear that was identical to what Andy was wearing. Kalai collected herself and stood in the doorway next to her father as they both leaned in.
“Mine; Chuck said the Yaw’much are running from the South. We’ll do a set nor’west of Lummi in the Rosario and see if we can get some Fraser Kings,” Andy replied as he turned the engine back on and the vessel roared to life.
“Chuck? Isn’t that one of your cousins? I didn’t know he could keep track of the movements of Salmon, may I ask how he does it?” Mama Sakalbi perked up as she pulled a set of earplugs out of a pocket and inserted them.
Andy prevaricated a bit, looking from Jackie back to Sakalbi then to Kalai and Papa. “I’d rather not answer that-”
“Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law! Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law!”
Jackie began singing a human song, and Andy threw her the dirtiest of looks as she finished getting into the orange coveralls. Mama Sakalbi sputtered as Andy shrugged apologetically.
“Make a hole!” Jackie called, and she and Andy came back out as Kalai and Papa made room for them. Andy hopped back onto the dock to cast off while Papa ducked into the cabin.
“Can I help?” Kalai offered as Andy shoved the vessel off and leapt the gap over the black water below.
“You want to be useful? Come forward! I could use an extra set of eyes!” Jackie called back, and Kalai felt a slap on her shoulder from the boisterous human woman.
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Andy stood at the helm, watching Jackie and Kalai as he leaned to get a better view of them past the Net drum. The bow was lifting up again, and the gentle little swells became like speed bumps, jostling them up and down in a predictable bouncing rhythm.
“Are you sure you couldn’t slow down, Andy? It’s a bit rough, don’t you think?” Sakalbi was hanging on to the table and her thermos with a worried expression on her face.
“I could, but we’ll miss the morning set. We want to bomb out the buoy right when the tide changes. If we’re lucky, then we’ll get around seventy or eighty by slack tide this afternoon and call it a day.”
“How do you know where to fish?” Dr. He’osforos was making a good show of standing and maintaining his balance with his hand on the booth.
“Well, there’s two ways you know. The first is you fish the spots your family’s fished since time began. Every family has about two or three different secret spots that we know there’s fish in, and we’re pretty defensive about their locations. The second is by smell. Right now it’s the tail end of the King season, and you can smell them in the water.” Andy turned and saw the incredulity etched on the faces of the two aliens.
“No, I’m serious! King Salmon slime is really pungent, and you can smell them when they’re close to the surface. We get to the fishing spot and take a deep whiff. If we smell them, we’ll set the nets.” Andy laughed at the disbelief on their faces as the GPS on his omnipad beeped and he turned to sail around the last buoy and head for the fishing ground.
“I’ve never noticed that in any of the Kings we’ve raised-”
Andy suppressed a laugh as they caught a larger swell as they left the lee of Lummi Island. Andy reveled in the feeling of weightlessness as the deck rose up and fell out from underneath their feet, leaving everyone suspended for a moment in midair before falling back down. A massive spray of water rose and washed over the deck, drenching Kalai and Jackie, who were still forward. “Cloned and farmed Kings don’t have that same smell. Wild ones smell and taste different, I’m telling you!” Andy pulled back slightly on the throttle as they climbed the next swell. “Brace!” he called as they climbed and fell once again.
There was a look of fear on Sakalbi’s face as she gripped the table for dear life, but to Andy’s surprise, the Doctor looked completely unfazed, and was handling the rise and fall of the deck like an old salt. “You look like you’ve done this before, Doc.”
“I’ve done a stint or two at sea before,” he spoke, in the same tone Andy would have used when trying not to sound too confident, and Andy smiled.
“Kalai keeps talking about loving the sea and sailing. Did you teach her to sail?”
“Yes, me and her mothers. When they were home, we would take the family yacht out in the Vaascon Straits and sail around the Occidiens. Kalai practically spent all her early childhood on a sailboat.”
“And almost every waking moment on one in Junior Academy. I swear you couldn’t dig her out with a trowel when she wanted to go sailing,” Sakalbi managed to add in a word as the boat slowed, and the dramatic rise and fall of the deck slowed with it.
“What about you, Mr. Shelokset, did your father teach you to sail too?”
“I was too young before he passed. My Great Uncle Willy taught me after I came home, and Grandma took me out to the family fishing sites when she wasn’t busy with the Council. For the first two or three years after they let us come home, fishing was the only way to feed our families, but the Militia and the Cambrians would try and sink our boats or arrest us whenever we tried to go out.”
“And that’s why you’re so good at maneuvering your vessel in the dark with no instruments?” Mrs. Vaida had folded her arms, and her voice twinged with that imperious tone she’d had when they’d first met.
Andy huffed a dry laugh. “I did what I had to for me and my people and to survive, Ma’am. I don’t like breaking the law or dodging lasers and gunfire, but there’s a lot of poor families that need to eat.”
The GPS beeped, and Andy gave Mrs. Vaida a slightly defiant look to counter her furrowed brow. “We’re here,” he said as he threw the engine in neutral and opened the cabin door.
Andy walked out and took a deep breath, but all he could smell was the net and the exhaust from the engine. “HEY JACKIE! WE SMELL MONEY?” Andy yelled out as he took stock of the sky. The first signs of sunrise were chasing all but the morning stars away and a light fog was rolling in from the north.
“FUCK YEAH I CAN SMELL ‘EM, ANDY! LET’S BOMB OUT AND GET BREAKFAST GOING!” Jackie looked slightly manic as she smiled brightly. Kalai, on the other hand, looked wet and miserable as she shivered, arms wrapped around herself. Andy gave his cousin a disgusted look as he pieced together what had happened. Every deckhand learned when to duck behind the raised bow and the roller horns that guided the nets so as not to get a faceful of spray when cutting through a swell. It was also a classic hazing trick for Senior Deckhands to let Junior Deckhands learn this the hard way.
Andy moved forward to stand in front of the two of them. Kalai was trying to squeeze her coat dry, but Andy knew it wouldn’t do much good until the sun came out. Jackie at least had the sense to look a little remorseful. “Kalai, why don’t you go sit in the cabin and get out of that wet coat. It’s cold enough out here even for us-”
“No way, Andy. Junior deckhand Kally here wants to impress you and get her dainty soft hands dirty! She’s been bragging about being a sailorwoman and wants to learn to fish ‘your way!” Jackie gave Kalai’s shoulder a wet slap as the poor alien woman went blue. Out of cold or embarrassment, Andy couldn’t tell.
All Andy could do was shake his head and huff. “Ok then! Secure the buoy and sling on my mark. I’ll get us in position!” Andy couldn’t help but chuckle as he heard Jackie start ordering Kalai about. Andy went back into the cabin and looked in the closet/bathroom to see if there was anything hanging up that he could give Kalai. There was only the one rain slicker and a few of Andy’s old sweaters from when he was a lot smaller. Well, looks like I’ll just be cold today. He quickly stripped out of his sweatshirt and grabbed the slicker before throwing a switch on the main control. Dr. He’osforos and Mrs. Vaida threw him quizzical looks as he went back outside wearing less than when he came in. He was down to a sleeveless shirt and his coveralls, and the morning breeze cut right through him and he braced his jaw to keep it from chattering.
“We’re ready to go- Andy, why are you practically naked from the waist up?” Kalai was staring wide eyed at him as he approached her and Jackie was on the bow. Jackie had everything ready; the buoy line was strung through the horns and ready to toss out. A giant orange and blue beach ball sized float hung at the end of the line to mark the end and make it easier to pick up later.
“Trade me your coat for these. If Jackie’s putting you to work, you’ll need these to keep warm.”
“I’m alright, I can-”
“I’m the Skipper of this boat, and I’m ordering you to take off that wet coat and put these on; and Jackie?” Andy gave his cousin a long and piercing look. “Give her the elbow gloves, not the halfsies.”
The scoff and the muttered Salishian profanities meant he’d read the next prank she’d had in mind right. She was planning on giving her the cloth gloves with only the palms and fingers coated in rubber. While perfectly fine for fishing, Andy knew they tended to get soaked through very quickly and did nothing to keep jellyfish stingers and fish slime off your hands. Kalai sputtered for a moment before she complied gratefully and she accepted the dry clothes and rain slicker.
Andy saw Jackie give him a strange look before looking back at Kalai, but he paid it no mind. He walked back to the controls on the drum and switched off the hydraulics, placing the mechanism in neutral. “SLING IT!” Andy called as he took the small jerry rigged steering wheel and threw the boat in reverse. Kalai jumped as the line started unspooling the net into the water at a rapid pace.
Andy set an ‘S’ bend in the quarter mile long net, zigzagging backwards until they came to the end of the line. Andy stopped the boat as Jackie tied off the other large buoy and tossed it over the side, unstringing the cork-line from the roller horns in the process. He pulled hard over and put a bit of distance from the net before shutting the engine down. The line of white and yellow corks marking the net bobbed lazily with the swells as silence settled over the water again. The waves rocked the boat gently as Andy found his sea legs again.
“Alright, I’ll get breakfast going. Jackie, Kalai? Post the watch for seals,” Andy called as he walked back into the cabin to fire up the tiny little gas stove.
Sakalbi, having found the confidence to stand at last, poked her head out of the cabin and stood on by the hatch to the fish hold. “Seals? Why would you need to watch for seals?”
Andy grit his teeth and looked over from where he was cracking open and scrambling eggs. “They’re the spawn of Satan and we hate their guts!” Andy bit out. Jackie came back and pulled the two shotguns and a pair of binoculars from the closet. Andy reached over to a side cabinet and pulled out a box of shells for them. Both his boss and the Doctor’s eyes got wide.
“Seals are the enemy of our blood. Were it not for the invasion, our unending war against these vermin would continue to this day!” Jackie growled as she loaded one for herself and rested the other on Andy’s seat at the helm.
The look of growing horror on Sakalbi’s face towards their facetious declarations caused Andy to chuckle a bit, before launching into an explanation. “We’re not fans of the species because they’ll wait until a fish gets caught in the net and then they’ll steal it, costing us a fish AND ripping a big hole in our nets that we then have to take time to repair. We use the shotguns and buckshot to give them a nice welt and convince them not to hang around, because they’ll wait up on the surface and watch the buoys, just like us. A single seal can and will take between five and ten fish. The worst is when they start getting full, they’ll just bite out the bellies of a salmon in the net. We can’t really do anything with that fish once it’s ‘seal-bit’. So yes, as fishermen, we hate them.”
“Learned opportunism in apex predators as a response to human activity… I think I’ll go see this behavior for myself!” Sakalbi practically rushed out the door towards the bow where Jackie was sitting on the roller horns explaining to Kalai how to spot the bastards, leaving Andy alone in the cabin with the Doctor while he cooked breakfast for them all.
Dr. He’osforos sat down heavily in the booth and pulled out his omnipad. “I’ve had a word with my friend in the Interior. She’s pulled the warrant for your brother, and I’ve withdrawn the charges I filed.”
Andy froze and turned around slowly. The only sound was the sizzle and pop of the eggs and chorizo that he’d added to them in the skillet. “You mean… it’s done? He can come home?” A wave of light headed euphoria swept over Andy and he swayed with the gentle rocking of the boat. “I will pay you back, Doc-”
The doctor held up his hand and stopped Andy. “We’ll call it even, but there’s something… I was able to get my hands on this,” Andy watched as the doctor swiped something towards his omnipad and it dinged. “What is it if I may-”
“Are you really asking an Indian to tell you a story? Because it’s going to be a long one if you are.” “I’m Sevastutavan, young man; we invented long stories.”
Andy froze and stared at the screen of his omnipad. The Vatikre was heavily accented, and Andy had a bit of trouble with the unfamiliar accent, but centered in the frame in a hospital room, sitting in a wheelchair, was a Salishian boy. Andy blinked in surprise as he stared at the screen. “Is that-”
“I am Ikw’is’hi’ehlah, and this bearer is… of the Orca Clan Sheloksets. I drove our Haida enemies onto the rocks and took many heads when they attacked our winter village on Orcas Island. I signed the Treaty with the Great White Father and I fought against the slavers of the south-”
Andy wanted to grab the omnipad but the smell of overcooking eggs brought his attention back to breakfast and Andy stirred and scrapped the food quickly, trying to save it.
“I asked her for any materials she could give me on your brother. Pictures, recordings, anything. This is what she gave me. It's the last known recording of your brother during an interrogation conducted by a Navy Commissar prior to his escape. It seems he made friends with a Pod of Deaths Head Commandos. Quite a bit of the recording has been redacted, but… there are portions of it where he talks about his family and his history. I thought you might like to have it.”
Andy hurriedly pulled out paper plates and a slice of bread for everyone and scooped a heaping portion of the chorizo eggs onto them. He handed the doctor his before leaning out the cabin door. “Slop’s on, come and get it!”
Andy sat down after moving the shotgun out of the way and started the video over again as the three women came back to grab their plates and lost himself watching his brother start telling his story.
“What’s that?” Andy heard Kalai ask over his shoulder, and he paused the video.
“That’s my brother! That’s Kay Tee!”
“Holy shit, what?” Jackie nearly shoved Kalai into Andy as she jammed her bread slice down her gullet and crowded in to see the screen.
Andy started the video over a second time and they watched in silence. “God, that brings back memories. Back when mom was still alive and before we broke up the warband. I can’t believe that slippery little punk ghosted a pod of Commandos for two fucking years! Holy shit, that’s badass!”
Before Andy could say anything, Sakalbi started coughing and brought the binoculars up. “Uh, Andy? Jackie? What do we do about sharks?”
Jackie looked at Andy in confusion. “Sharks? There’s nothing but Dogs around here.”
“Well those are shark fins and they’re charging the net!” Sakalbi pointed and Andy looked up to see dorsal fins charging the center of the net.
Andy looked at Jackie and spoke the same words in tandem, “Oh shit!”
​
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To be posted 6/4/23

A terrifying movie or book or show gets your blood pumping in the moment of consumption, sure—we covered our eyes in Squid Game with the rest of the world. But for the most part, you rest easy afterward knowing that what you've witnessed is fiction, deliberately spun up to creep you out. When the real world gets eerier than anything Stephen King could dream up, that's when you have every right to get a little scared of the dark.
Once in a while, a story of a dreadful disappearance, demonic possession, or devil worship will land in the local paper instead of a pulpy old paperback. We've rounded up the most unnerving real-life tales below. In honor of spooky season, here are eleven we can't stop thinking about.

The Axe Murder House

The Villisca Axe Murder House in Villisca, Iowa is a well-known tourist attraction for ghost hunters and horror lovers alike. The site of a gruesome unsolved 1912 murder, in which six children and two adults had their skulls completely crushed by the axe of an unknown perpetrator, was purchased in 1994, restored to its 1912 condition, and converted into a tourist destination. It costs $428 a night to stay at the old haunted home, where visitors always report strange paranormal experiences, such as visions of a man with an axe roaming the halls or the faint screams of children.
But in November of 2014, the haunting took a darker turn. Robert Steven Laursen Jr., 37, of Rhinelander, Wisconsin was on a regular recreational paranormal visit with friends when true horror struck. Per VICE:

His companions found him stabbed in the chest—an apparently self-inflicted wound—called 9-1-1, and Laursen was brought to a nearby hospital before being helicoptered to Creighton University Medical Center in Omaha.

The Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office said Laursen suffered the self-inflicted injury at about 12:45 a.m., which is around the same time the 1912 axe murders in the house began.
Laursen recovered from his injuries, but has never spoken publicly about what occurred that day. For Martha Linn, the owner of the home, the incident was very upsetting. "It's publicity, but it's not exactly the kind of publicity you desire to have. I don't want people thinking that when they come to the Villisca Axe Murder House something's going to happen that's going to make them do something like that.” The house remains open for tourist visits and overnight stays today.
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The Haunted Doll

When you think of haunted dolls, it’s likely the creepy old Victorian-looking porcelain kind that springs to mind. None of which you probably have laying around. Still, don’t get too comfortable around any kids toys too soon, though: a Disney’s Frozen Elsa doll that was gifted for Christmas 2013 in the Houston area made headlines earlier this year when it seemingly became haunted.
Per KPRC2 Houston News:

The doll recited phrases from the movie Frozen and sang “Let It Go” when a button on its necklace was pressed.
“For two years it did that in English,” mother Emily Madonia said. “In 2015, it started doing it alternating between Spanish and English. There wasn’t a button that changed these, it was just random."
The family has owned the doll for more than six years and never changed its batteries. The mother says the doll would randomly begin to speak and sing even with its switch turned off.

The family decided to throw the creepy doll out in December of 2019. Weeks later, they found it inside a bench in their living room. “The kids insisted they didn’t put it there, and I believed them because they wouldn’t have dug through the garbage outside,” Madonia told KPRC2 Houston News.

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At that point, Elsa ceased to sing the English rendition of “Let It Go” altogether, speaking only Spanish when pressed. The family then double-bagged the bizarre doll and placed it at the bottom of their garbage which was taken out on garbage day. They went on a trip shortly after, but when they returned, Elsa too had come back, and was waiting in the backyard of their home.
This time, the family mailed Elsa to a family friend in Minnesota, who taped the haunted doll to the front bumper of his truck. It doesn’t seem to have made its way back to Houston yet, as per Madonia’s latest February Facebook update on the creepy doll.

A Deadly Exorcism

In August 2016 in North London, 26-year-old Kennedy Ife began acting strange and aggressive following a pain in his throat. He reportedly bit his father, threatened to cut off his own penis, and complained of a python or snake inside of him before his family restrained him to a bed with cable ties and excessive force.
As the BBC reported:

“The family then set about attempting to ‘cure’ Kennedy through restraint and prayer over the next three days, the court was told.”

His brother, Colin Ife, told police:

“It’s clear that thing was in him, what we believed was a demon because it was not natural. It was clearly trying to kill him,” he said.
“We had to restrain him for himself. It was clear if we didn’t restrain him, he could have tried to harm people in our family.”

Kennedy Ife had been bound to his bed for three days without medical attention when his brother called emergency services, explaining that Kennedy Ife was complaining of dehydration. He appeared to have developed breathing issues, and was pronounced dead at 10:17 a.m.
As The Independent reported:

While police were at the house Colin Ife allegedly carried out an “attempted resurrection” by chanting and praying for Mr. Ife.

All seven of Kennedy Ife’s family members were accused of manslaughter, false imprisonment, and causing or allowing the death of a vulnerable adult. A post-mortem examination revealed over 60 wounds including a possible bite on Kennedy Ife’s body, and his father, Kenneth Ife, along with four of his brothers, sustained injuries as well.
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The BBC reported:

Kenneth Ife told jurors he ordered his sons to take shifts and use "overwhelming force" but denied that an "association with cults, occults and secret societies" played any part in the death.

After a four day jury deliberation, all seven family members were cleared of charges on March 14, 2019.
📷Witches prepare themselves for a journey by broomstick to the Black Mountain, circa 1650. From a 17th century Dutch copperplate by Adrianus Hubertus.Hulton Archive

Dead Animals in the Walls

When the Bretzuis family decided to insulate their home in Auburn, Pennsylvania in 2015, they discovered that it had already been—with scores of dead animal carcasses.
As Fox reported:

The dead animals were wrapped in newspapers from the 1930s and 40s and were among half-used spices, and other items.
After removing the items they sent hundreds of artifacts and carcasses to an expert in Kutztown.

The expert attributed the rotting animals in their walls to Pow-wow or Dutch magic, a ritual originating in the culture of the Pennsylvania Dutch to treat ailments and gain physical and spiritual protection. The Pennsylvania Dutch were a group of German-speaking settlers to Pennsylvania in the 1600 and 1700’s, and are often of Lutheran, Mennonite, or Amish faiths.
The Washington Post notes on the magic:

Many of the spells deal with the care of livestock, finding water, or the treatment of minor ailments, reflecting the conditions and concerns of early American settlers.
But powwow also has within it a tradition of darker spells, and even of such things as conjuring demons.

One notable ritual in their tradition is this hex to create loyalty in a dog:

To attach a dog to a person, provided nothing else was used before to effect it: Try to draw some of your blood, and let the dog eat it along with his food, and he will stay with you.

The mold found on the rotting carcasses in the Bretzuis home has caused illness among the family members, and they say that the odor hasn’t gone away.
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Florida Devil Worshipping

Friends noticed that Danielle Harkins, a 35-year-old schoolteacher near St. Petersburg, Florida, started acting strangely in June of 2012, developing an interest in demonic rituals.
Soon after, she was arrested for abuse of seven of her former students, as the Tampa Bay Times reported:

Danielle Harkins told the kids they needed to rid their bodies of demons as the group gathered before dusk Saturday around a small fire near the St. Petersburg Pier. They should cut their skin to let the evil spirits out, police said she told the children. Then, they needed to burn the wounds to ensure that those spirits would not return.
When Harkins held a lighter to one teen's hand, wind blew the flame out, police said. That prompted her to douse his hand in perfume before setting it on fire. The boy suffered second-degree burns, police said.
Another teen was cut on the neck with a broken bottle, police said. Harkins used a flame to heat a small key, which she then used to cauterize the wound.

The police were notified because a friend of one of the students who participated in the ritual raised alarms. However none of the students themselves told their parents about the event or would comment following the arrest of Harkins for aggravated battery and child abuse.
NBC reported:

Investigators said they've spoken to Harkins, but she didn't spell out what type of religion would require such drastic measures.
"She hasn't informed us exactly what she was trying to accomplish with this," Puetz [of the St. Petersburg Police Department] said.

The Death of Elisa Lam

Elisa Lam was last seen on January 31, 2013 in the lobby of the Cecil Hotel in downtown Los Angeles. She was vacationing through the West Coast, documenting the trip on her blog, and checking in with her parents every day. On January 31 those calls stopped. Lam had vanished. Soon the police were involved and her parents arrived to help with the search.
They had nothing. That February, LAPD released elevator surveillance footage of Lam before her disappearance. The footage shows Lam behaving strangely in the elevator, appearing to talk with invisible people, peering around the corner of the door, crouching in the corner, and opening and closing the door. But what exactly is going on in this video raises more questions than answers. Theories range from psychotic episodes, to demonic possession, to unknown assailants just out of the camera's view:
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Around that time, hotel guests started reported weird things happening with the Cecil Hotel water supply. As CNN reports:
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"The shower was awful," said Sabina Baugh, who spent eight days there during the investigation. "When you turned the tap on, the water was coming black first for two seconds and then it was going back to normal."The tap water "tasted horrible," Baugh said. "It had a very funny, sweety, disgusting taste. It's a very strange taste. I can barely describe it."But for a week, they never complained. "We never thought anything of it," she said. "We thought it was just the way it was here."

On the morning of February 19, a hotel employee climbed to the roof and used a ladder to investigate the hotel's water storage tanks. That's where authorities found the decomposing, naked body of Lam, whose personal items were found nearby. After an autopsy, her death was labeled accidental. NBC Los Angeles reported at the time about the strange circumstances in the hotel's past:

The tank has a metal latch that can be opened, but authorities said access to the roof is secured with an alarm and lock.The single-room-occupancy hotel has an unusual history. "Night Stalker" Richard Ramirez, who was found guilty of 14 slayings in the 1980s, lived on the 14th floor for several months in 1985. And international serial killer Jack Unterweger is suspected of murdering three prostitutes during the time he lived there in 1991. He killed himself in jail in 1994.In 1962, a female occupant jumped out of one the hotel's windows, killing herself and a pedestrian on whom she landed.

In February 2021, a Netflix doc called Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel explored Elisa's tragic case and the history of the "cursed" Cecil Hotel.

An Exorcism in Indianapolis

Last year, the Indianapolis Star published a lengthy report on a family terrorized by three children allegedly possessed by demons. The account of Latoya Ammons and her family tells disturbing stories of children climbing up the walls, getting thrown across rooms, and children threatening doctors in deep unnatural voices. It would seem like something straight out of a movie–a work of fantasy, except all of these accounts were more or less corroborated with "nearly 800 pages of official records obtained by the Indianapolis Star and recounted in more than a dozen interviews with police, DCS personnel, psychologists, family members and a Catholic priest."
One of the more chilling sections of the report includes a segment about the possessed 9-year-old:

According to Washington's original DCS report—an account corroborated by Walker, the nurse—the 9-year-old had a "weird grin" and walked backward up a wall to the ceiling. He then flipped over Campbell, landing on his feet. He never let go of his grandmother's hand.

Another segment of the piece reads:

The 12-year-old would later tell mental health professionals that she sometimes felt as if she were being choked and held down so she couldn't speak or move. She said she heard a voice say she'd never see her family again and wouldn't live another 20 minutes.

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Utah Murder-Suicide

In September of 2014, a Utah teen returned to his home to find his parents and three siblings dead. "In a notebook, a 'to-do list' had been scribbled on the pages ... The list looked as if the parents were readying to go on vacation—items such as 'feed the pets' and 'find someone to watch after the house' were written," The Salt Lake Tribune reported. It appeared to be murder-suicide, but there was no suicide note, no prior indication that they would do this, no explanation. Police could not figure out why two parents would kill themselves and three of their four children.
For a year, no one knew exactly what happened to the family, or what would drive the parents to do something so unthinkable. In January, police released more chilling details in the case. According to accounts from family members and an investigation by police, the parents were driven by a belief that the apocalypse was coming and an obsession with a convicted killer. As the Washington Post reported:

Friends and family told police that the parents were worried about the "evil in the world" and wanted to escape a "pending apocalypse." But most assumed they just wanted to move somewhere "off the grid." Investigators also found letters written by Kristi Strack to one of the state's most infamous convicted killers, Dan Lafferty, who was convicted in the 1984 fatal stabbing of his sister-in-law and her 1-year-old daughter. According to trial testimony, he killed the victims at the order of his brother, Ron Lafferty, who claimed to have had a revelation from God. The story became a book called "Under the Banner of Heaven."Police said Kristi Strack became friends with Dan Lafferty, and she and her husband even visited him in prison.

The Phone Stalker

In 2007, ABC news documented a series of cell phone calls to families with terrifyingly specific death threats. The unidentified callers knew exactly what families were doing and what they were wearing.

The families say the calls come in at all hours of the night, threatening to kill their children, their pets and grandparents. Voice mails arrive, playing recordings of their private conversations, including one with a local police detective.The caller knows, the families said, what they're wearing and what they're doing. And after months of investigating, police seem powerless to stop them.

This went on with the Kuykenall family for months, who reported a caller with a scratchy voice threatening to slit their throats.

When the Fircrest, Wash., police tried to find the culprit, the calls were traced back to the Kuykendalls' own phones -- even when they were turned off.It got worse. The Kuykendalls and two other Fircrest families told ABC News that they believe the callers are using their cell phones to spy on them. They say the hackers know their every move: where they are, what they're doing and what they're wearing. The callers have recorded private conversations, the families and police said, including a meeting with a local detective.

"The Watcher"

After moving into their $1.3 million dream home, a New Jersey family started receiving creepy death threats from someone who identified themselves as "The Watcher." As CBS News reported earlier this year:
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Since moving in, the owners said they have received numerous letters from the mysterious person. "The Watcher" claimed the home "has been the subject of my family for decades," and "I have been put in charge of watching and waiting for its second coming," Castro reported.The new owners have several children, and other letters asked, "Have they found out what's in the walls yet?" and "I am pleased to know your names now, and the name of the young blood you have brought to me."

The family was forced to flee from their home and later filed a lawsuit against the previous owners.

Issei the Cannibal

In 1974, 24-year-old Wako University student Issei Sagawa allegedly followed a German woman to her home in Tokyo, Japan, broke into her apartment while she was sleeping, and attempted to cut a piece of flesh off her body to consume. When she awoke, she reportedly fought him and he was later captured by the police. According to a 2012 Vice documentary that covered Issei's bizarre story, he was mistakenly charged with attempted rape and his wealthy father paid the victim a settlement outside of court to have the charges dropped.
Seven years later, in 1981, he allegedly committed a murder in France—shooting and eating a fellow University student, Renée Hartevelt. Issei creepily documented the entire experience with photographs and he was captured by authorities once again while attempting to dump the rest of her body in the Bois de Boulogne lake. He was deported back to Japan and committed to a mental institution. For reason unknown, his psychologists in Japan declared that he was sane. Furthermore, a legal technicality involving the French government refusing to turn over the documents from his case meant that his murder charges were dropped completely. He checked himself out of the mental hospital and has reportedly been walking the streets as a free man ever since. Issei has even become a controversial celebrity, writing over 20 books. According to Japan Today, he most recently fantasized about an unnamed TV actress, saying:
"I'll catch a glimpse of her thigh and think, 'That sure looks tasty.' But I don't feel like I actually want to eat it. As I accomplished the act of cannibalism once, there's no meaning to maintaining the desire for it anymore. In my book, I wrote that it [human flesh] was tasty, but that was not really true; I'd much rather eat Matsuzaka (Kobe) beef. But because I'd desired to consume human flesh for so long, I'd managed to convince myself that it would necessarily be delicious."
Issei Sagawa was also referenced in the Rolling Stones song "Too Much Blood," with the lyrics reading: "And when he ate her he took her bones/To the Bois de Boulogne." He is currently 73 years old and continues to live in Kawaski City, Japan. To this day, no one knows why France did not allow Japan to give him a trial.
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Feed cheyyumenkil nalla kambi parayaan njan ready. No limits to who and what. Inbox busy aan. Reply cheyyaan time edukum. Req message ayak with aare Annen. Pics um cooperation illenkil time waste cheyaan varelle

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Mick's pistol because I want a cover image
Mick reference
Random drawing of Finn
Memory transcription subject: “Mick”, Venlil, Former mechanical engineer, Gunsmith apprentice
Date [Standardized Human Time]: November 17, 2136
​
We lined up outside of the facility where our first competition would be held. The official rules would have to be explained to us before we started, as is standard for these events. Finn had already given me most of the knowledge I needed, but I still had to listen to the instructor’s words, unless I wanted to do something wrong and be disqualified.
​
“Alright, is everyone here?” The instructor shouted. “Nobody unaccounted for? Perfect! I see some new faces here today, so I’m going to have to go over the rules again.”
​
“First up, the basic safety rules must be followed at all times, no exceptions, ever! Understood?”
​
The line of about 20 competitors all barked out an affirmative in unison, I followed shortly after.
​
“Good! Good. Second rule, prioritize safety above all else. If you see someone doing something wrong, or dangerous, or outright stupid, point it out to me or one of the other safety guys around. Understood?”
​
“Yes sir!” The whole line responded.
​
The instructor’s presence was quite hard to ignore, it seems this man has a history of yelling at people to get points across to their head.
​
“Good! Alright, third rule. Have fun, don't die.”
​
“Yes sir!” we all said again.
​
“If nobody has any questions, we shall begin! Whoever’s first, go to the line, hands on the door, then wait for instructions. I shall follow suit shortly. When you’re done with the course, make your way up to the catwalk, the view’s great from up there, trust me. For now, sit and wait for your turn.”
​
Finn turned to me and added onto the instructor’s advice. “Hey Mick, don’t expect to be able to sprint through the whole thing like last time, pace yourself, depending on how they set this up, this course could take anywhere from a minute to 10, we won’t know until we’re both done. They don’t want people to cheat, taking it blind is part of the fun with this style of comp.”
​
Finn looked a little tense, as if the anticipation was getting to him. I knew it was getting to me too, so no wonder it was getting to him. A while ago, I figured out that I didn’t feel things quite the same as most everyone else did. Things that made others incredibly disgusted only made me a little uncomfortable. I didn’t feel loneliness even after days worth of isolation. All of the time I spent was either working or sleeping, I didn’t feel the need for free time, and I liked having a lot of surplus money, so I worked. That was, at least until I found the exchange program. It paid a decent amount of money, so I was compelled to join up. These humans couldn’t be so bad, plus I needed something new to do. Fortunately, I had previously passed empathy tests, albeit barely. It registered enough of an empathetic response for me to pass undetected. I was legally free of predator disease.
​
Apparently, a few of the earliest exchange partners had a bug where they could share images, and we had that bug, so I got to see the humans' appearance way earlier than most. Bipedal, tall, forward facing eyes, mostly hairless, wearing textiles to replace their lack of hair. That didn’t bother me too much, unsurprising considering my overall lack of intense emotional response that had prompted the earlier PD screenings.
​
It had been about [30 minutes], about half the competitors had already gone through the course before us. My turn was up next, and Finn was right after me, we were just waiting for the competitor currently in the course to finish.
​
A bell chimed, signifying that the last guy had made it through, finishing his run. Finn gave me a pat on the back, a sign that I should get ready to get in there.
​
“Remember to pace yourself, you know, you can’t run through this behemoth in 20 seconds. Slow and steady will win you the race.” Finn advised.
​
“Alrighty, next competitor!” The instructor bellowed, almost interrupting Finn’s advice. “Minek the Venlil? You ready?”
​
“As ready as I'll ever be, I guess.” I said, anticipation and nerves high.
​
I don’t necessarily like talking to people, particularly the ones I don’t know. Another aspect of why I felt like my home was better set on earth, rather than that sunside town where everyone just had to stop and get to know you. I’m not going back, even under the threat of annihilation, like what nearly happened to all of earth’s inhabitants.
​
“Make ready, put your hands on the door, your run starts once the timer beeps. If the lights turn red, stop your run immediately, make clear, holster your weapon. Understood?”
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“Understood.” I replied.
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I seated a new magazine into my pistol, racked the slide, holstered it, and placed my hands on the door. Here was my time to shine, I guess.
​
“Shooter ready? Standby…”
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The moment of silence between the announcer’s callout and the timer’s beep felt like a small eternity.
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BEEP!
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I popped the door open as quickly as I could, took a high-ready stance, and began steadily advancing through the entrance hallway. There was a door on the left, as I entered it, I see a target standing both behind a target and a hostage. I'm forced to take my time lining up the headshot, KRAK, the target fragments into digital fragments. Another target to the right of it, slam a round through its torso. Move on, 2 targets behind a barricade, one no shoot. Take out both targets swiftly, then take a peek around the next corner. At the last moment, I spot a somewhat hidden cranny in the course right after the hallway, on my left. I backpedal, swing the pistol around the corner, and plant a round square through the chest of a target that was hiding within.
​
Now actually going down the hallway, there’s another hallway on the right, and a T-junction at the very end. The hallway on the right has 2 targets right next to each other, shoot and no-shoot. I take this quickly, they aren’t overlapped or anything special, just next to each other. I nearly missed because I was still moving when I shot, I needed to take more time lining up, no way I could keep getting this lucky. Left side of the junction has a shoot target, the right side has another hallway to the left of it. The rest of the floor was mostly the same, sending rounds through targets and reloading once, much like the rest of the course, right up until the end of the floor.
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I rounded a corner partially blocked by a non-target, to see a small shooting gallery within the killhouse, and a door on the opposite side of the entrance. I have to clear the targets before the door will open, as instructed by the label on it. Two small, circular holograms appear before my eyes, roughly in the middle of the room. Two pops later, my magazine has run out. I haven’t even gotten through my (slightly) practiced reload, when another set of targets appear on the left side of the room. The surprise of more targets caused me to fumble slightly, tapping the magazine against the bottom of the grip. I slap the magazine back into its rightful place within my pistol, tap for good measure, drop the slide, pop the targets. The door remains still, so there are more targets to hit, I reckon. They happened to appear right I thought of them, one close and to the left, the other far and to the right. This forces me to swing my aim across the room, and I nearly missed a target again, barely clipping the right edge of the far target.
​
Too close, me. Too close. I somehow haven’t missed a target yet, and I intend to keep it that way.
​
The door finally opened, so I made my way through, and made my way up the stairs that followed the door. At the top of the stairs stood a target peeking over. Almost reflexively, I was steadily advancing past the target, without stopping I put the barrel to the target’s face, then fired. 2 rounds remaining in the magazine. The left side had a familiar set of targets similar to the little practice house. A set of closet like rooms, filled with a couple of shoot and no shoot targets. Bang, round the next corner, bang and a clack. Empty, reload, don’t fumble it this time, another target around the corner, bang.
​
The next few hallways were similar to the rest, a no shoot around a corner, a shoot target sitting opposite that, then I saw something I hadn't seen earlier. A direction marking on the floor, telling me to walk past the door, to a piece of half-height cover leading into an incredibly long (for this type of scenario) hallway. At the end was a hostage type target, held in such a way that you had to either hit the slightly poking out head, or the very exposed leg sitting out to the right of the target.
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I take a bracing pose against the left side of the wall, on the corner. It took me a moment to line it up properly, but I sent a round flying through my target’s lower thigh, causing it to stumble out of line with the hostage, the hostage remaining exactly in its position. That’s interesting, I didn’t know the targets were dynamic like that. I had been “killing” them with direct chest or headshots for every shot that I had hit, so I had never gotten a chance to see these targets actually do their dynamic animations before. I’ll have to ask how that works later. I finished the target off with a nice shot to the chest, after it had fallen to the floor, crippled due to its leg injury. The target fragmented as the holographic display was pierced by my round, double confirming that these targets were still projections.
​
The door to my left had opened with a clunk a moment after I had shot the target for the second time. I preformed more of the same clearing maneuvers and shooting of targets. A pair of these targets happened to line up, almost perfectly for a collateral shot. I took aim against the target further to the rear, my round propelling itself toward the target with its aim true. It took a path where I thought it would destroy both the near and far target with the same shot, however, the bullet only grazed the first hologram, causing it to stumble backward with its dynamic system. Despite not killing the first target, it still smacked against the rear target with a standard killing shot, fragmenting into its hundreds of red shards that I had become accustomed to.
​
Advancing further into the labyrinth, I swiftly finished off the wounded target that had stumbled backward into a corner. Just to the right of the target, a sign on the wall pointed me downward, telling me to crawl through a claustrophobic, vent-like passage, about [2 feet] tall. I read the sign, dropped to the floor, and slid down through the little hole in the wall. Out the left of the hole, a target stood waiting for whatever round I planned on giving him, out in the open.
​
I wonder…
​
I approached the target, pistol held like a little baton. With as much force as I could for good measure, I slapped the target with the pistol.
​
Whiff
​
Seems I was wrong. I place my aim onto the target that I had unsuccessfully slapped, fired, then went to move on. Another target was in a little closet behind it, so I spun around to shoot that one too. This killhouse seemed to span for an eternity, and I thought I must be nearing the end of it soon.
​
Round the corner, no-shoot target, keep going around the U shaped hallway, another no-shoot target in the middle of the hallway. Pass it by, another bend in the wall, with a shoot target just beyond it. I go to fire my weapon, and…
​
Click.
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The slide is open.
​
That isn’t supposed to happen, I had 3 rounds left in the magazine!
​
I take a quick inspection of my gun, a casing got stuck in the chamber, and now was blocking up the entire gun’s mechanism. I had been taught what to do in this situation, the malfunction being called a “double feed,” which could occur more frequently if your gun ran older ammunition, which mine did.
​
I followed the standard jam-clearing procedure for a double feed, which was to first lock the slide to the rear, remove the magazine, drop the slide and rack again to remove the stuck casing, reinsert the magazine, then rack the slide again to seat a new round. With my jam now cleared, I shot the target in front of me in the face, destroying it instantly. Around the corner sat another set of targets, 2 of them I had to shoot.
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I get my aim steady on the first, fire, target destroyed. The slide locked back, alerting me to my state of being out of ammo. I reach for another fresh magazine, and come back empty handed.
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FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
​
I was completely out of ammo, and making good time up until now.
​
Melee won’t work, I had just figured that out, I'm out of magazines so I can’t reload even if I needed to, which I certainly did.
​
AHA!
​
I had accidentally let the stuck round fall out with the magazine while I was removing it from the gun, so now it was sitting on the floor. I dive over to it, grab the lonesome round off the floor, and carefully insert the round into the chamber of my pistol. This was a technique that you weren’t exactly supposed to do often, as it wears out the extractor much faster, leading to more frequent issues if it’s done too often. I drop the slide, letting the final round I had to my name seat itself within the chamber, ready to fire.
​
BANG.
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The target shattered, the door on my left clunking open to reveal the light of day, and a catwalk to a platform above the range. I walk out, and hear another voice call out.
​
“Show clear, then holster your weapon. Your time is…187.87 seconds, nice work in there. If you want, go watch from above from that catwalk, the next run’s boutta to start.”
​
I walked up the stairs, legs quite a bit more fatigued than I expected them to be, although I had just been speed-walking for 3 minutes straight, and my heart was beating faster than I expected, probably due to that moment of panic after having my gun just jam up on me, compounded by the fact that I totally ran out of ammo. I reached the top, took a seat in a nice spot near the edge of the small congregation of other competitors, waiting for Finn to come waltzing through the course. There was a display on the top of the roof, showing us an overlay of the first floor, which would also show us the second floor once the competitor got to the staircase.
​
A few minutes passed, and I wasn't paying attention to Finn's run, since a few people had asked for me to take pictures with them, which I reluctantly agreed to. I could barely hear it, but the end timer from earlier had spoke up again; “show clear, holster your weapon. Your time is… 178.92, fastest time yet, good stuff.”
​
I broke away from the group who were trying to ask me questions to meet my friend at the top of the stairs, who acknowledged my completion with a firm ‘high five’, a human gesture I had been taught over my time with him.
​
“Phew, nice little course, huh Mick?” Finn offered.
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“Yea… It was fun, albeit tiring.” I responded, with a tail wag
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“I’d bet, worse stamina especially. Anyway, how’d ya do?”
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“Slightly worse than you, 187 seconds.”
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Wow! Nice, uhm, that’s actually really impressive for someone who’s never done this kinda thing before, how’d ya manage that?”
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“Might be because I only ever had to hit the targets once, except for that really long range one, with the hostage?”
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“Yea I know the one, tricky bastard to hit without clipping the hostage.”
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“Did you know those targets are reactive? Actually yea, you probably do because you volunteer here, right?”
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“Yep, I'm guessing that’s how you figured out they are? Shot em’ in the leg so he’d stumble? That’s the easiest way to do it, i reckon, but just moving to the right edge to line up an easier headshot is the more advantageous way to do it.”
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“Yea that’s what I figured out. Oh, after that there was one kinda standing out in a hallway that I tried to hit with my pistol, didn’t do anything but since that one actually fell over earlier I was wondering if I could save the ammo, why didn’t hitting it work?”
​
“If you were actually in a situation where you were running around a big ol’ building trying to murder combatants inside to rescue hostages, do you think you would have the ability to whack someone in the face hard enough to outright kill them instantly? No, no you probably wouldn’t. The target impact system only tracks bullets anyway, punches or strikes don’t move fast enough to register on the system.”
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“Oh, interesting. Say, how do the holograms work?”
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“No clue, all I know is it has something to do with laser projectors and some weird illusions, then it has motion detectors tuned to a specific zone in space for tracking hits, quite interesting stuff if I do say so myself, even if I don't know how it works.”
​
“Yea, it is,” I said, not exactly registering what was said, “anyway, I think we should go figure out what the next event is, I don’t want to go into it blind like I would have if you hadn’t made me try the little version first.”
“Alright, follow me then.” Finn said, then began walking down the catwalk, leading me to our next event of the day, which I had been informed was a “long range vintage” event.
​
We made our way back over to the range we were at before, now situated with targets much further out than the aim trainer I had been using earlier. There were large signs, telling me distance next to little plates with concentric rings around a point in the middle. Finn walked back over to his car, pulled out a rifle box, and came back over to me.
"Ah, the wonders of long range shooting! You ready to learn about physics?" Finn exclaimed, clearly excited.
"No, not really, why do you ask?"
"Long range shooting, and especially extreme range shooting need a lot of little physics calculations for you to actually be able to hit the target from so far away. Bullets are little more than projectiles thrown at high velocity, but there's still things like gravity, wind, and sometimes even the fuckin' Coriolis effect to worry about while your round is flying!"
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"Wait, you have to worry about the rotation of the planet while shooting long range? That's insane!"
​
"I know, right? that's why I love this stuff!"
​
The next [20 or 30 minutes] were taken up by a lengthy explanation of how a bullet flies, how a spotter and shooter system functions, how a spotter scope works, how to interpret what the spotter says, the list goes on. This had continued until the whistle blasted again, alerting us of another announcement.
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"Everyone come over to the podium, we're having an awards ceremony! Be here in 5 minutes or we start without you, if you aren't already over here!" the voice of the instructor from earlier rang out. Finn and I went over to the podium, where a few boxes labeled 1, 2, and 3 resided.
​
The ceremony went well, apparently I had gotten third place, Finn got second, and someone who had ran after both of us got first.
​
After the ceremony, we were each handed a box of differing sizes, the winner got a certificate for a free rifle, Finn got a new 'plate carrier', a thing that was made to hold armor and magazines, and I got a pair of cargo pants.
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I walked over to the little station they had set up nearby, got a few measurements taken, then was handed an (admittedly very fancy) pair of pants, clearly set up for humans instead of venlil.
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Thankfully, I didn't have to modify them so I could wear them, there was already a little bit of a notch in the top of the beltline that let it comfortably sit just below my tail.
​
Another announcement came on soon after I got my new pants; "Next event starts in one hour, get some practice in before that, you might need it."
[First] [Previous] [Next (coming soon)]
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Author's note: This one took a lot longer than the other ones, although it's released in a shorter time frame, how ironic, i guess? I'm considering making a prologue to the story, probably during the exchange program, if I do, it will also help give some more context to Mick that I tried to expand on with this one.
I hope you enjoyed it, expect the next one... eventually.
Oh, and sorry about any walls of text, that was me trying to fill in to hit my self imposed 3000 word count, and also me not knowing how to effectively write "move, shoot, move again" about 20 times in a row.

[AN]- This is the official remake of my series, "Our Troubled Youths". I was young and kind of a virgin when it came to writing lol. But, I've grown a lot in my writing, and I wanted to truly give this series a better story, and the better characters it deserves. So please enjoy!
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“Slow down-” AJ huffed, chasing after Willow. She ran fast through the thick woods of Virginia, one goal in mind. It was very early in the morning- but Willow was determined that she would bring some food back home, and not just some small rabbit– but a deer. Ruby told her that deer were active at dusk and dawn, so she’d have to choose one of those times for the best results. In order for her to get around Clementine knowing, she’d have to sneak out at dawn. Willow ignored AJ, she had made a shot at a big, juicy deer. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a clean shot so the deer immediately fled. But that didn’t stop the fire in her veins, she was determined to feed her family, but mainly, she was determined to prove herself.
AJ huffed in irritation. He mentally cursed at himself, realizing this was his karma for acting this exact way when he was Willow’s age. AJ stopped running, walking instead now. She was in good vision, and it seemed she’d slow down as well. Besides, he needed to catch his breath.
Willow stopped, looking around for the deer. The blood trail confused her as it ran in circles. She calmed herself down. Tracing the trail closely, she was slowly gathering a possibility to where the deer had gone. Her vision was so focused on the floor that she didn’t realize where she was walking– and then all of a sudden she had felt herself slipping. “Ah!” She yelped, rolling down a steep hill with rocks and stumps- the pain caused her to shout in agony.
AJ was quick to action, “Willow!” He called out, running on pure adrenaline.
Willow finally fell onto the floor, deeper into the forest. Everything was blurry, but she could see she fell from a pretty high ledge. She shook her head trying to regain consciousness, everything hurt. After about a second, she tried to get up- “A-ah-” She stumbled, sitting back onto the floor. “Shit.” She whimpered from the pain of her ankle, it was definitely sprained, hopefully only sprained. But that seemed like the least of her issues. Her heart dropped as she heard the all familiar groaning. She looked up to see dozens of walkers coming over to her. It seems the commotion of her screams had gathered a lot of unwanted attention. “N-no.. no!” She tried to force herself up, she only successfully made it halfway before she fell down again.
AJ made it to the cliff's edge, looking down at Willow. “Shit! Willow!” He started to slowly make his way onto the steep ledge, he planned on sliding down gradually. “I’m coming!” he shouted.
Willow had a brief relief as she heard AJ’s call. So, her mind cleared for a moment, and she went into defense mode. “Damnit!” She complained, seeing that her bow was nowhere to be found, so she slid as far back as she could. With her back against an oak tree, she pulled out her knife and held it near her chest. “AJ…Please hurry!” She shouted, the walkers were getting closer and closer…to now where she was realizing how immobile and defenseless she really was. Panic rushed in quickly, and her mind went straight to insulting herself. If only she’d listen to her mothers warnings, if only she wasn’t so stubborn–
Her thoughts cut short as a walker fell onto the floor, grasping at her shoes, inching closer to bite her. “Ah!” She shouted, taken aback. She’d never been this close to a walker before, and she’d never feared for her life this badly.
“Willow!” AJ screamed with a fury. He held up his own bow and arrow- and shot the walker before it could hurt her. He quickened his pace down the hill, he was close to the bottom already so it wasn’t a safety issue to do so. He finally got to her, and immediately scooped her up in his arms. Willow kept her defensive stance, even in the safety of his arms. It wasn’t until a few minutes later, when she held her knife in front of her face. The knife was clean. No blood on it at all. She let the knife rest against her chest. She cried, and threw her hands over her face to cover said tears. Her knife being clean meant she didn’t even try to kill the walker on her, she would’ve died if it wasn’t for AJ.
—
Willow sat silent in the medical room. It used to be a dorm for some kids years ago- back when people actually were alive before the apocalypse. Sometimes she’d wonder what it was like for them. Must’ve been a lot better. She focused on some ripped medical pages that were hung on the wall. Ruby really wanted it to feel like a ‘real doctors office.’
The silence was then interrupted by Ruby coming into the office. She held fresh bandages in her hand, and some saline. It was homemade saline ofcourse, just salt and clean water. In the other hand, she held a hot drink.
“Hey there.” She said softly, she placed the items on the desk. “This is some ginger tea.” Ruby gave her the hot tea, “Ain’t as good as tylenol, but it's something.” She then went onto her knees, lifting up Willow's ankle gently. Willow sucked in her breath as the pain stung her. “I know..I know.”
Willow sighed, placing the cup in her lap. She held it tightly, letting the warmth surround her finger tips. “So. How bad is it?”
Ruby gently wrapped her foot in the gauze, “Well. It’s not broken so that's good. You just need to not move on it so much- let it heal. You had a pretty nasty fall.”
Willow nodded. “I mean, how bad is it?” Willow bit her lip, “With mom?”
“Well….” Ruby grunted getting up, dusting her hands. “I mean, I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Even Louis is mad. And you know it takes a storm to upset that goofball.”
Willow gulped. If her dad was mad, her mom was furious.
“AJ’s taking the brunt of it. She’s letting him have it.” She sighed, placing her hands on her hips and shaking her head. “But that doesn't mean you're safe.”
Willow started to bounce her leg anxiously. There was no doubt that she would be getting her ear chewed out. “Ok.” She said, accepting her fate.
“I’ll let her know you’re ready to be seen.” Ruby started walking away, but turned around half-way. “It’ll be alright. As scary as Clementine is sometimes, she still loves you to death. It's the reason why she’s so passionate.” She then exited the room, leaving Willow to soak in her thoughts.
Willow allowed the silence to engulf her. This was the only peace she’ll be getting before a fighting match of emotions. She grumbled to herself, thinking, ‘Why didn’t you just pay more attention? If only then we could have been feasting on a deer.’ She sighed heavily, and fell back onto the springy mattress. Interestingly enough, she felt a brief happiness along her chest. Memories from when she was a toddler had come up. There isn’t much entertainment in the apocalypse- but her dad sure found out ways. Example being, he would throw her onto the spring mattress and she’d fly into the air. He would catch her again and repeat the process. Willow being 15 couldn’t experience that again, she was just too big. But still, the memories were always welcome to come back.
Suddenly, those feelings of joy were quickly swept away as the door was heard being open. She sucked in her breath as she braced herself. Louis and Clementine walked in- obviously not happy. Clementine leaned against the pole on the other bunk bed across from her. Louis just sat down, looking more disappointed than angry.
“Get up.”
Shivers. Her voice was stern and harsh. It could even scare a walker. Willow sat up, met with the eyes of a very upset mother. But to Willow's surprise, her eyes were glistening and wet. She was holding back tears with all her strength. It made Willow feel even more guilty.
“Willow, what are the rules?”
“I know. I get it, but–”
Clementine chuckled, “Apparently you don't get them. Repeat them. Now.”
Willow sighed, looking at the floor. With an attitude, she replied, “Which ones?”
Clementine replied with a judgy expression, “Excuse me?”
“You have a rule for everything I want to do–”
“The rules we follow when going into new places, or new experiences.” She emphasized her last two words, biting back at her daughter's sass.
Willow swallowed, her mothers tone wasn’t lighting up. She decided to cut the bullshit and truly answer. “We listen for monsters–” Only the first rule, and it bit at her ego; She didn’t even think about the walkers stupidly enough. It seemed her shock was shown through her expression– because Clementine looked at her with a small relief. A relief that she actually learned from her mistake- rather than being stubborn about it. “-and..we always find a way out.” Willow finished in almost a shamed whisper.
The room was silent now. Surprisingly, Louis was the one to break the silence. He clapped and whispered in an awkward tone, “Hooray! You figured it out!” Obviously trying to lighten up the mood, something he always tried to do.
Clementine turned around slowly, looking at her partner of 23 years, with the disgust of a stranger. She sighed and placed a palm on her forehead. Willow couldn’t help but chuckle at this. Her chuckles only started a domino effect of chuckles. And just like that, the family came together again. Regardless of how much fear she had of her mothers anger– she never felt unsafe or unloved.
The laughs ended, and it was serious again. Clementine sighed, coming over to Willows bed, and sitting on it. Louis followed, sitting next to her as well. “Willow.” She spoke softly. “I don’t make all these rules to dim your light or passion. I just want you to be safe.”
“But you went through so many different eras of yourself.” Willow looked down at her hands, interlocking them. “What if I never get to see the other sides of me?”
Clementine sighed. “We went over this Willow. I can’t let you experience even a fraction of what I went through. Times are different, we got food, water– hell even generators!”
“I know mom. I do. I’m grateful- I really am. But it's still not perfect. You can’t shelter me forever. Things…don’t always go to plan.”
Clementine stared at the floor for a bit. “I know.” She finally responded. “--And I know experience is what you need. Just, don't be looking up to younger me as no role model. She was of the past, this is the present.”
“But you were badass-”
“No. I was surviving. You can’t look at my past and think that way, okay?” It got silent again. “There’s nothing badass about the nightmares you wake up to every morning.” She whispered.
Louis got up and then decided to squeeze himself in between the two. He widened his arms and hugged both of them. He gave Clementine a tighter hug, knowing that her mind was probably racing at the thought of her nightmares. She hadn’t had them in so long. He kissed both his lover's head, and his daughter's head. “Listen. Just promise us that you’ll tell us when you want to go hunting or scavenging. And…” He looked at Clementine and said, “And, maybe we’ll think about letting you go out on your own.” Clementine raised her brows at this, but decided to let it go for right now. She was exhausted mentally.
Willows eyes lit, she smiled. “Alright then.” She replied with glee.
“Alright let's get out of here, hospitals give me the heebie jeebies.” Louis stood up, ushering Clementine to stand up as well. Willow followed, only to immediately shout a scream of pain. Louis sucked in his breath. “That’ll teach ya for sure heh.” He then swooped Willow up, carrying her out of the room, with his lover by his side.

This week was extra tough. I got a cold and was pretty sick last weekend, and then had a work trip where I was away from home more than 15 hours and had to pump 5 times while away from home (first time pumping on the plane! That felt like an accomplishment!). After that, we had a very unfortunate and scary event where our nanny had a seizure while holding our baby. We had to call ambulance and both she and the baby were okay at the end of the day. But after going through all these, my supply dropped about 3-4 oz, probably from fatigue and stress.
I’m in my 11wk postpartum and produce just about what my LO takes. We have some frozen bags but may need to buy the formula if this continues. I think that’s all fine, and I was considering combo feeding anyway, but at the same time I am having mixed feeling about all of these. Slightly happy to put less pressure on me with pumping, sad that my supply dropped, wondering whether I should try to increase my supply or not, and so on.
Just needed to vent! I’m sure all of you had one of these harder weeks!

I'm so irritated with this summer class. It is a 6 week physics and I hate it. The professor speaks broken English in a very deep Indian accent and has handwriting like a kindergartener so I can't understand what he is saying or writing. He doesn't explain things well. Sometimes he doesn't even give the formulas. He'll say to look them up in the book. He goes over a PowerPoint that he copy and pasted from the book and does it so fast I don't know how anyone is grasping it.
This seems like total BS. I know it's an accelerated course so it's going to be harder but I'm not paying to teach myself. I'm ready to throw a temper tantrum in the advisors office.
I really want to get this class done with and out of the way but I cant teach myself through it. This is fundamentals too and I'm an engineering major so its important to learn it. I'm one week into it, and if I drop it I'm not gonna get my money back.

Baby just turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and we are down to only two feeds at day. Both feeds are nursing to sleep so this is where I am stuck. How can I completely wean him when he needs it to fall asleep? Baby is exclusively breastfed and will not take a bottle and is not a fan of milk that doesn't come straight from my breast.
He is a sleep fighter so I'm really not sure how to approach this because everything I read online seems so far fetch from my reality. Hoping someone can help make a believer out of me or at least tell me there is an end to this. My ideal would be if he self wean. I know he's still on the younger side but I just feel like the day when he is ready will never come.

Passed PMP today on my first attempt!!! HUGE thanks to this sub for motivation and guiding me to various resources because as an engineer, I didn't have much background on this. :))
Results: AT/T/AT.
I treated the exam-taking process itself like an extreme sport. Sent in my application last Saturday, got approved last night at 10:00 pm, and signed up for a 10:00 am slot this morning. I only had TODAY to give this exam literally because I have a full-time job and also leaving in 2 days for a three-month summer travel for remote work, fun, volunteering etc... I didn't want this to postpone my certification and redo the hard work.
I took the test at the center, as long as you go in with an ID and 30 minutes before the exam to avoid unforeseen risks, you are good!
Prep materials- just really simple and necessary items:

1. ARs 35 hours course- did once properly at 1.5x speed, to me this took the longest bc I was only dedicating 2-3 hours after work on weekdays. Since the concepts are new to me (I'm in engineering not management), it took me longer to get super comfortable with the PMP way of talking. It took a month to get this course done. Started this back in March-April 2023 but had massive changes going on in life, full-time work, travel, work visas etc.
2. On and off prep from AR, YT videos etc... 1-2 hours a day after work.
3. Lightspeed prep ensued for 3 weeks at the start of May: I did 2 full mock tests included in the course. Took lots of notes on Mock test #2 (the pdf) because that had a lot of concepts and definitions. I would look up concepts to review either online or ARs course if I wanted to understand something deeper. Didn't finish the third test (probably did 60 questions).
4. David McLachlan's 200 Agile Questions prep. This is so good! I wouldn't spend any money anywhere else and would watch his videos actually if it gave me the 35 hr requirement. I did this 6-hour video in about 10 hour lol while making flashcards on formulas, sequences, etc.
5. Bought u/Third3Rock notes to prep but time was limited so saved this for literally the night before the exam (yesterday). Reviewed these only at a surface level from about 6 pm- 1 am, again, do not recommend. But, I know my body and capacity so I knew I could get in 6 hours of sleep and feel energetic. Pretty amazing notes, even though I didn't have enough time to finish everything. I just did the first few mindset pages from here. But if you buy it early in your process, I can see it being a pretty awesome supplement.

THAT'S IT, PEEPS!!
I probably would've gotten all ATs if I had done additional stuff but I just wanted to give the exam confidently and pass.
I had a constant habit of googling topics that made me curious or looked critical which helped me develop a wide understanding of agile principles, agile unified philosophy, processes, various theories, graphs, and practices, from various sources online. All of this combined made my understanding quite solid. The compound effect of material exposure is SO real!
The test:
180 questions: I took a 10-minute break after the first 60 and then just powered through the rest without breaks. Drinking some water and eating a power bar during that break definitely helped. It took me entire 4 hours and 25 minutes to finish the test. I used the flag and review feature very intentionally.
The test itself felt really lengthy more than it felt difficult. My body was restless after 80. I had to constantly center myself and remind myself of the end goal. All of this material and combinations of questions do rewire your brain to think a certain way - and that's your advantage! I found it pretty cool that my mind was just thinking like an agile PM during the exam.
Intangible resources:
Positivity and visualization:
I stayed positive until Friday night that I would get the chance to sit for the exam in the morning and it happened! I was just prepping non-stop at this point.
I also did regular meditation practice just a couple minutes before bed every day last week - visualizing the letters "congratulations" on my screen after the exam. Maybe mushy stuff? But I had to work under a lot of project constraints lol so pulled in ALL mental and metaphysical help! :D
Instead of regular gym sessions, I did maintenance work of going in 2-3 times max last two weeks, to help my brain stay active and oxygenated.
Lastly, have faith in your preparation and yourself! If you feel ready, just do it.
YOU. GOT. THIS. You are much bigger than a test! Even worst-case scenario is not that bad so relax and enjoy the process of learning!!!!
After the test:
Blasted Nirvana all the way back home with the windows rolled down. Haven't eaten anything but a couple of scones and coffee since morning! Gonna go grab my friends and treat myself!!

Not just one trip. My husband is a pilot and works most weekends. This means I can either travel to visit family or stay home alone with her. She’s still waking up 2-3 times a night for feeds…is on special formula…just started rolling over.
I know everything I need to pack up but I can’t figure out a way to do it efficiently. This is not a complete list of everything but for the love of all good and holy things…HELP ME FIGURE OUT HOW TO PACK THIS STUFF. Are there any products you’d recommend? Help! I’m drowning and
Categories:
My clothes, toiletries, random crap
Baby clothes
Diapers
Wipes
Pjs
Bottles/Feeding/Meds/diapers
•cans of formula (she’s on RTF)
Bottles
Syringe for Pepcid, Tylenol (&actual meds)
Nasal aspirator, saline spray
Butt paste
Wipes
Changing pad
Nipples (different sizes depending on if I am adding oatmeal)
Oatmeal
Electronics/Tech Noise machines bc she’s a light sleeper (I use old iPhone) so need a charger
Owlet sock, base and cord
Baby monitor cam & cord / monitor and cord
Little Einstein ocean thingy
Computer, iPad, phone and cords
Activity:
Yoga mats bc I’m old and she doesn’t have good control of her head yet but is rolling
Toys that she’ll play with

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((A fanfic of the amazing u/SpacePaladin15's The Nature of Predators story. Credit goes to them for the wonderful setting this takes place in!))
Memory transcription subject: Arxur hunter SyleDate [standardized human time]: REDACTEDI walked up to the human and stared down at him. My chest hurt, but my heart was beating so hard I could barely feel it. I wiped off the last of the paint as he looked up at me. “Alright. Believe I hunt now?” He asked as he pulled down the bottom of his mask and bared his teeth at me. I was already briefed that it was a “smile,” but it still felt the prey-hugger was mocking me.
He was lucky I needed him.
“Yes. I do, now for the bet.” I hissed out as my tail flicked frantically. I could feel the other Arxur staring me down from the side of the field. Like I was gnashing prey. This was my chance to escape them. My chance to stop eating sentients. My one chance to get out of betterment alive.
I looked down at him and took a deep breath.
“I. Arxur hunter Syle. Hereby swear to follow you and do as you wish as your servant. You won our wager, and this is how I will pay.”
Well, at least the smile was gone. The man’s mouth hung open and his eyes were so large I thought they would move his visor. My eyes wandered over to the arxur who shrugged, only to be confronted by the human woman. I could see them gathering around in a circle talking about me. That human woman kept pointing at me and moving her arms around I almost thought she was a krakotl trying to take off.
“So wait.” I looked back down to the man who finally decided he could talk. “Wait wait hold up. What are you saying? Is this like a “whenever we are near I will help you” or is it like “I will follow you around” kinda deal?”
My tail flicked as I looked him in the eyes. “I am yours.” I calmly explained to him. “Do the humans not have servants or slaves?” I asked as my scales shivered at the idea of being another predator’s slave.
“Okay, fuck no to you being a slave. No.” The human seemed, angry at that? Was I not good enough to be his?! “We have not had slaves for a VERY long time and not only is it illegal, but FUCK no to that.” His voice raised and I even picked up a bit of a growl. He was angry!
“Fine. I am not your slave, but I still swore to live with you and serve your needs.” I turned to him with a long breath. “Look human. I need this. Please.” The words slowly hissed out of my lips. I hated begging. It felt… wrong. But if he didn’t take me in I would be dead.
He looked at me with one of those eye-bushes higher than the other before he let out a sigh. “Alright. Well. I did want to have an exchange partner. Well. I don’t know if this will be allowed though and I am not going to move in with you. I know that THAT won’t be allowed for sure.” His hands slipped off that helmet of his and he started to rub his yellow head-fur.
The human woman was starting to walk towards us. Ah prophet now SHE was doing that grinning thing. I could see her looking over me like a hunter toying with a pup.
“So!” She walked up to us and stopped. “Jack. You have a nice remote house in the Shenandoah valley area right? Up in the mountains, fairly remote, wooded, nice and private.” My human nodded as he looked over at her. Alright, so his name was Jack. Going to have to keep that in mind.
“Good. I remember you bragging you had a small field big enough to park a shuttle next to it too. Well, this was far ahead of my projected schedule, but congrats! You will be one of the first humans to house a Arxur long term on earth.” She said with a nod. She bared her teeth at him in what I learned was called a “smile,” but even to me it felt a bit too big.
“Al-WHAT!?” He roared s he looked at the woman in surprise. “Wait wait wait.” He held up his hands in front of his chest as he looked at her, then me, then back to her. “You mean you are allowing this?” He asked her before motioning to me with both hands.
“Yes.” She walked towards me and looked me in the eyes. My scales shivered as I looked down at that human’s eyes. They were NOT the eyes of prey at all. Oh prophet the last time I saw eyes like that I was staring into the eyes of a chief hunter. What was this human?
“Alright General Jones. I guess… if you say so. I ain’t gunna go against you. Plus I was planning on this eventually.” Jack looked over at me with a long breath in and out. Prophet he was sounding like prey! He adjusted his gear and walked up to me before sticking his hand out.“My name is Jack Wolf. Yes. That is my family name. Yes, like the animal.”
I looked down at the hand then took it in mine. I had seen some humans do this gesture earlier and felt my tail flick side to side as he moved it up and down. Prophet I hope this means he is taking me in.
“My name is Syle. I will do any-”
The venil shit human stopped me by lifting his hand! Rude!
“No, you will not do ANYTHING I tell you. I will not do that whole slave stuff.” He explained as he looked up at me. “You are my GUEST now. I know I won a bet, but fuck that. No slaves.” He insisted. Well, if the human wanted to waste this prime Arxur then so be it. I was not going to complain about not being a slave!
“By the way, Jones, why did you agree to this so fast?” He asked the, frankly, terrifying lady.
“Simple Mr. Wolf. One, having a Arxur permanently on earth will help us learn quite a bit about them. Second: They insisted we keep her. They called her “weak and defective” and that rarely ends well for Arxur as far as we know.”
My tail hit the ground with a thud. SHIT. Oh thank the prophet that this human was willing to take me! Oh venlil, gojid, krakotl, tiflish, ALL THE FED SHIT was I glad that my plan was working!
“Ah.” Was all the male said. Ah? I almost was executed and all that is worth to you is an AH?!
“Well, I got a spare bedroom and killed a huge buck last season so I got the supplies for Syle.” He rubbed his chin. “And the area I got cleared out for a gun range could be used as a landing zone since its right next to my driveway. Yeah, could work. House is a mess, but they will have to get used to that anyway.”
Jones nodded then looked over at all the others talking to each other. “Well, as the saying goes: Plans never survive first contact with the enemy.” Although I don’t fully consider your kind enemies anymore.” The edges of her mouth turned down as her eye bushes lowered. “We have enough of those as it is. Alright! I will be sending you a bonus and we will work out a stipend for her and you.” She started to walk to the rest of the group.
“Syle. Go to our docs to get a full medical checkup and to work out what you need diet wise. Jack. you two will be getting on a heli together. I know your car is here, but an agent will drive it back to your place for you. We do NOT want to risk anyone seeing Syle in transit. This is now secret clearance level. Got it?” My human moved his head up and down. “Good. Now I need to keep a closer eye on the other three to make sure there are no more… incidents.”
I looked over to Jack who looked up at me. He gave me one of those smiles, put his hand on my back, and gave one of those head-move things. “Alright. Guess you are moving in with me! We can save questions for later. Go ahead to the docs.” He then stepped away leaving me alone.
Oh betterment what did I just get myself into? I hissed and walked over to the medical tent, ready to be poked and prodded to their heart’s content. I had been curious about human dens, and now I was going to be living in one! Bah, hope the f-
I froze and my tail lashed side to side. FOOD. He would feed me and humans ate meat that was not sentient!
​
Oh, this was the best thing ever to happen to me! No more worrying about defector execution or what the thing I eat was! I strolled up to that tent. Let them poke and prod me all they want! Peace finally waited for me.
​
Oh prophet those needles are big.

The River in Minecraft is one of the most iconic elements of the game, providing natural beauty, vital resources, and exploration opportunities. However, over the years, many players have noticed that the rivers in the game are somewhat saturated and lacking in variety. That is why it is time for an update that brings new types of rivers and the addition of beloved capybaras and ducks.
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The current rivers in Minecraft are quite uniform, with the same water texture and basic banks in all biomes. While they are beautiful, they lack personality and details. Imagine the excitement of exploring a randomly generated world and coming across rivers that resemble true bodies of water found in nature.
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The addition of different types of rivers would bring a new dimension to the game. We could have winding and narrow rivers that flow through deep valleys in mountain biomes, while wide and calm rivers could cross plains and savannas. Additionally, rivers running through tropical forests could be filled with lush vegetation and exotic flora.
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Now, let's talk about the stars of the show: capybaras and ducks! These adorable creatures are known for their presence in aquatic environments and would be a perfect addition to the Minecraft ecosystem. Capybaras could be found along the riverbanks, swimming or basking in the sun. Players could interact with them, feed them, and even tame them.
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In addition to being charming creatures, capybaras and ducks would also bring benefits to the game. They could help control aquatic vegetation, keeping it in check so that rivers do not become clogged. Furthermore, capybaras and ducks could provide valuable resources such as skins, feathers, and meat, which could be used in various crafting recipes.
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The addition of new types of rivers, capybaras, and ducks would bring an extra layer of realism and diversity to Minecraft. Players would have more opportunities for exploration, building, and interaction with virtual wildlife. Additionally, the overall aesthetics of the game would be enhanced, providing a visually more pleasing and immersive experience.
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Therefore, it is evident that the River in Minecraft is ready for an update. With new types of rivers and the inclusion of captivating capybaras and ducks, the game would gain in variety, charm, and functionality. So, get ready to navigate through stunning rivers and cross paths with these adorable animals as you continue your journey in the universe of Minecraft.

My LO is 2 months and just keeps spitting up. It’s to the point where I can’t put him in the bassinet at night flat because he will start gagging, gasping and spitting up every hour. I’ve spent the last several weeks with him against my chest at night just to make sure he sleeps and that I sleep. I know it’s not safe sleep, but being woken up less than an hour after placing him down and having to soothe him over again is breaking me.
I’ve tried feeding upright, holding 30 min upright after, we tried hypoallergenic formula, Enfamil AR (the added rice), and messing with my diet (LO is fed breast and formula). The only route I feel at this point is medication (which his pediatrician has recommended), but I’m so hesitant.
I’m so broken over this. I’m struggling with PPD and this has made it even harder. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Please, if anyone has gone through this… what did you do? Any success stories?

I am trying to build a spreadsheet in Excel 2016 that has maybe 40 tabs with the same format, but each is for a different item. I have a summary tab at the beginning that is titled by a date, and each tab has a formula built to search that section of the summary tab for the date, and update the tab based on the players name and date - in the specific date row.
The array in the summary tab is something I intended to just copy and past the new information into each month, and have it automatically feed to the correct tabs. That will work, I think with the existing formula, which is Index(Match based. The tricky part is that when I paste the new data in each month and it fills to the tabs, it will erase the previous months data from the tabs.
Is there a good way of addressing this, so that the data in the tabs can be tracked on a month to month basis, and be auto-filled from a "summary" tab so I don't have to manually fill in 40+ tabs individually?
Each tab is different enough, in that I would be tracking the changing data field for anywhere from a year to 25 years on a month by month basis. So I don't think incorporating the tabs into 1 tab, and having the dates extended to the right would work, but that may be an error in my thinking. The goal is to be able to see how this data point changed on a month to month basis over time, easily readable for each tab title. More of to see that it is right, than any interpretation of the data.
The analogy above of a sports player isn't great, and if needed I can try to generate a mock up to give an example of what I am attempting. Thank you for any assistance

I am more looking for advice rather than training. My LO just turned 4 months. Current schedule is wake up at 7am then 1.5/1.5-.75/1.5-.75/1.5-1.75/2 with the first two naps ranging from 1-1.5hr and the third nap 1hr and last nap is 30 min. Bedtime is between 7:30 or 8 pm. If LO sticks to wake windows closer to 1.5hr wake windows then the day isn’t a problem. If she stays up longer, which she has done more and more, then bedtime gets pushed past 8 which I don’t want. We tried dropping the 4th nap today and she is just not ready. I feel like trying to put her to bed at 6pm is also super early.
What I can’t wrap my head around is her wake windows are going to continue to lengthen. That I have no problem with, but how can we do that without pushing her bedtime past 8? I thought about waking her up earlier then 7 which if people had this work for them I would consider doing, but if it is a bad idea I have no desire to start my day at 6. I’m also wondering if I should just cap naps at 1hr. Ideally I want her to have at least 3.5hr of daytime sleep but LO likes her naps (mostly) and usually sleeps 4-4.5hr during day and 11-12 hours at night. Over night she gets one dream feed at 5am so that she makes it to 7am. Feeds for 10 min and right back to sleep.
Thoughts? Suggestions?

Get ready for a new way to dine with UberEats. A new service called UberSpoon and UberSpoon X. With UberSpoon, UberEats drivers will now bring the food into the dining room and spoon feed each customer. The service will be 4.99 with %10 going to the driver. Spoon X will let the driver use a bigger spoon to Shovel in the food.