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What's up guys, it's Quandale Dingle here. (REHEHEHEHEHHHE) I have been arrested for multiple crimes. (AUAUUAUGHHHHH) Including: Battery on a police officer, (WHAT) grand theft, declaring war on Italy, and public indecency. (REHEHEHEHHEHEHE) I will be escaping prison on March 28th. After that, I will take over the world-
(AUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH) Greetings! Quandale Dingle here! (BLOOOOAAAAAGHHHHHH) My cousin Henry Bartholomew Dinglenut (REHEHEHEHEHHE) got arrested for putting a TNT in a Daycare Center. (WHAT THE FU-) (BOOOOOOOOM) I put a camera in Joe Biden's bathroom and watched him take a poop. (WHAT!?) My asian brother Quanlingling Dingle put illegal substances in my ramen and I died. (AUAUGH)
Hey fellas! It's Quandale Dingle here. (OOOOOOOOGHHHH) I put percs in Vladmir Putin's drink, and he went to bed for a really long time. (EHEHEHEHEHEHE) I trapped my autistic son's hand in an airfryer. (HEY!) I dumped boiling water on a prison guard's head. (OWWWWWWWWW) My goofy ahh friend Jamarius Quangledangle (ARARARARAR) tried to eat my butt during ramen h-
(ROOOOAHHHHH) My goofy ahh uncle is holding me captive. (WHAT!?) And forcing me to watch Crispy Concords videos. (NO!!!) My buddy, Quindalius Barnacle-Jones Jr, got smacked in the head with a rhinocerous horn because he was listening to No Maidens. (SLAP) (STOOOOOPPPP!!!!) My grandpa punched me in the head at 90 miles per hour, (EHEHEHEHEHE) (POW) and I was paralyzed from the waist up. (REHEHEHEHE)
(AAAAAH!) Hey! Quandale Dingle here. (AUUUUGHHHH!!!) I just escaped prison. (OOOOOGH) I am staying at my friend Juandale Pringle's house. (EKEKEKEKE) As I was running away from cops, (WHAT!?) I fell and scraped some of my foreskin off. (SKRRRRRCH) (EHEHEHEHHEE) A guy named Garfield Jenson bent me over in the shower while I was in prison. (WHAT YOU DOING!?!?!?!?!?) My baby momma Shiniqua Inderson told me to pay child support so I gave my baby to a creepy old guy. (HEHEHEHE, OH YEAH.)
(ROROROROGHH) 'Ello, Quandale Dingle here. (EHEHEHEHEHHE) I was caught running thy oppositions pockets in the streets of London. (HOLY SHIT) My grandfather, Henry Arthur Ezikenuts, (BLIMEY!) was apprehended in a matter of minutes after trying to rob a Fish & Chips shop. (I DO NOT!) My aquaintance Henry Bartholomew Dinglenuts was spotted giving his father's lemonade hose twisty whisties. (WHAT IN TARNATIONS??) I forgot to dispose of my feces, and made a big whoopsy in my diapy-whipy. (I BEG ALL OF YOUR PARDONS!!)
(AAAAAAAAAAA) What's up guys, it's Quandilly Billy Hunter Scott Michael Arnold Jacob Lanthrop Kevin Steven Oscar Dingle Sr here. (REHEHEHEHE) I was caught lubin' my sister's cooter up by my step-dad, and he beat me senseless 'till I couldn't sit on my bare ass for a week. (RIGGITY WHAT??) My uncle Salamander Weasel got in a car accident after he stole his newly deceased mother's car. (MAN WHAT THE PICKLE FOR???) I drunk a whole bottle of whiskey and started pickle rubbing with my cousin. (ARARARRARARARA) I choked my chicken so hard, the asian girls on XVIDEOS and I died. (AAAAAAHHHH)
(AUAYAUGH) Hey! Quandale Dingle here again! (REHEHEHEHEH) I have been apprehended in India for carrying out multiple fraudulent Amazon and Microsoft refund support calls. (YOU DID WHAT?!?!) My friend, Juandale Pringle also passed away next week due to heart failure. (OH NO!) (EHEHEHEHE) Anyways, I will be escaping prison again May 2nd with my cell boyfriend, Brownie Rim Jr. (BRBRBRBRBRBRB) And I will be at the nearest McDonald's signing autographs. (ARARRA)
(BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR) Hey! Quandale Dingle here. (REHEHEHEHEH) My lactose intolerant dog pooped all over my house after drinking all my milk. (WHAT!?) My grandma was locked in an elevator on September 11th. (OH NO!!!!!!!!) I got a rash on my butt after sitting down on an antpile. (RARARARARRARA) My sister is currently in the hospital getting her third leg removed. (OH NO, GRANDMA!!!!!!)
Hey guys, Quandale Dingle here! (BRBRBRBRBRBBR) My mother, Darlene Dingle passed away because I put a Perc 90 Ultra in her Kool-Aid. (AHAHAHHAHA) My brother, Jeffrey Arnold Lancer Andrew Higgleton V got hit by a car going five miles per hour. (OW!!!) My brother, Jonathan Cartwheel Froot-Loop III got arrested for distributing miner's nudes. (YUMMY) My uncle's brother Steve Tarnations peeked in on me while I was in the shower. (WHAT YOU DOING!?!?!?!?!)
Do you suffer from a lack of a father figure? Do you have clinical depression?? Have you ever accidentally broken your mom's favorite coffee cup and when she found out you did it she tied you to a bed and spanked you with a metal spatula? If you said yes to any of these things, I don't care! And to keep it a beam, no one cares! And your absent father should've just put you on a washcloth.
When I was 4 1/2 years old, (REOOOOOARRRG) my riggety roo ahh dad smacked me in the back of the head with a steering wheel. (SLAP) (OW!!!!) (BONK) I pushed my grandpa into oncoming traffic because he changed the channel to Family Feud. (REHE-) (AUUUUUUGHHHHH!!!) I peeked in on my uncle using Finding Dory handsoap to choke his chicken. (WHAT IN TARNATIONS!?!?) I spilled baby oil on the hallway floor and almost broke my neck. (HEHEHE)
(ROOOOOAA) (AAAAAAAAAAA) My crazy ahh uncle watching sis loves me and innapropriate step-mom videos in the bathroom. (WHAT YOU DOING STEPMOM!?!?!?) I put a fork in the electrical outlet and blew my hand off. (SHIVER ME TIMBERS!!) (AUAUAUAUAUAU) My brother, Languini, put liquid laxatives in my grandpa's dentures (REHEHEHEHEH) and he shit his brains out. (FART) (GOODNESS GRACIOUS)
When I was 10 years old, (URRRRRRGHHHHH) my goofy ahh uncle tried to get me to touch his weenie-doodle. (EHEHEHEHHE) My mom caught him and beat him with a pan. (AAHAHHA) I created an explosive bomb and put it in my sister lunchbox and blew her to smithereens. (AAAAHHHH!) (BOOOM!)
(OOOOOOOOOHHHH) I put Viagra in my goofy ahh uncle's drink and he tried to do bad things to me. (ARARARARRAGHHHH) I drowned in the bathtub when I was (15 years old). (AGH) (EHEHEHE) I sold my grandpa's crutches, (OOOOH) and he fell down the stairs and broke his back. (OH GREAT HEAVENS!!) My dad gave me a knuckle sandwhich full force, (OH SHIT) and I was hospitalized. (REHEHEHEHEH)
I farted and a poopie almost slipped out. (AAAAAGHHHH!) My dad tried to hit me with a cast iron pot. (EHEHEHEHEH) I forgot to turn the stove off and burned down the whole house. (AAAAAAAHHHH)
(AUAUUAUAUAUAUGHHH) I put bug spray in my little brother Quavante Singleton's eye. (WHAT!?) I smacked my sister that has Tourette's because she called me a bad word. (SLAP) (OW!!!!) My goofy ahh uncle karate chopped my grandpa's broken knee, (CRACK) and he turned into a pretzel. (HEHEHEHEH)
(OOOOOOHHHHH) My goofy ahh auntie stabbed my grandpa with Longhorn Steakhouse knife. (AUUUUGHHHH!!!) My sister caught me playing with my wiggly worm, (BUBUBUBUBU) so I threw a Kim Kardashian buttcheek at her. (HEHEHHEHE) (OHHH!!!) I force-fed a whole bottle of melatonin to my father, and he forgot to wake up. (SLAP) (WAKE UP!!!!) My doctor diagnosed me with type 7 genital herpes, and I got bumps all over my testicles. (REHE-)
Hi! My name is Carl Winstead, (BUBUBU) Carmen Winstead's brother. (WHAT THE FU-) I pooped all over my balls and my mom beat me. (OW!!!) I crashed my uncle's Nissan Ultima into a child hospital building, (BOOM!!!) and broke my eleventh toe. (WHAT!?!?!) My buddy, Henry Chewbacca Jenkins, (REHEHE) put Perc 30s in his grandpa's inhaler and he died. (AHHAHHAHHHHHHH)
(RAAAAAAAAA) Me and my sister were having tickle time together in our parent's bedroom. (CENSORED) I forgot to cook dinner and my dad went bananas and hit me. (AAHHHHHHHH) I whacked my willy to two men kissing in the bathroom (KISS) (OOH, YUMMY!) When I was a child, my grandpa stomped on my head. (HAHA) (STOOOOP!!!!) I thought it would be funny to put fireworks in my goofy ahh dad's turkey sandwhich. (BOOM!!) (EHEHEHEHHEHE) I injected type 2 diabetes into my grandpa's kneecap, (AH!! FUCK ME!!!) and pushed him down the stairs. (AHHHHHH!!!)
(RAHHHHHH!!!!) Hello! It's your dear old friend Quandale Dingle here! (BORBOR) I just stabbed my son, Belly Boy Dingle with Lady Gaga toenails and he died. (OH SHI-) When I was riding my moped, I fell off and broke my neck on a stop sign pole, and I'm now permanently paralyzed. (OW MY KNEE!!!) I was watching Mr. Beast's OnlyFans video's on my Kindle Fire Tablet, and my mom caught me and threw a GameCube controller at my noggin. (BONK) I took my girlfriend to Epstein Island, and she gave me a butt-naked massage on the kitchen table. (OOH, YUMMY!)
Hey guys, Quandale Dingle here. (WHAT YOU DOING!?!?!?!) I had to flee from Juandale Pringle's house, so unfortunately, he is arrested. (AHHHHHHHH) I had to flee to my buddy Aiden Dookie's crib where I am now hiding out with Juandavius Gooch. (WHAT!?)

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